CHAPTER XXXVI.
More voices!
Sic. How now, my masters, have you chosen him?
Cit. He has our voices, Sir!
--Coriolanus.
From Mr. Combermere St. Quintin's, we went to a bluff, hearty, radical
wine-merchant, whom I had very little probability of gaining; but my
success with the clerical Armado had inspirited me, and I did not suffer
myself to fear, though I could scarcely persuade myself to hope. How
exceedingly impossible it is, in governing men, to lay down positive
rules, even where we know the temper of the individual to be gained. "You
must be very stiff and formal with the St. Quintins," said my mother. She
was right in the general admonition, and had I found them all seated in
the best drawing-room, Mrs. St. Quintin in her best attire, and the
children on their best behaviour, I should have been as stately as Don
Quixote in a brocade dressing-gown; but finding them in such dishabille,
I could not affect too great a plainness and almost coarseness of
bearing, as if I had never been accustomed to any thing more refined than
I found there; nor might I, by any appearance of pride in myself, put
them in mind of the wound their own pride had received. The difficulty
was to blend with this familiarity a certain respect, just the same as a
French ambassador might have testified towards the august person of
George the Third, had he found his Majesty at dinner at one o'clock, over
mutton and turnips.
In overcoming this difficulty, I congratulated myself with as much zeal
and fervour as if I had performed the most important victory; for,
whether it be innocent or sanguinary, in war or at an election, there is
no triumph so gratifying to the viciousness of human nature, as the
conquest of our fellow beings.
But I must return to my wine-merchant, Mr. Briggs. His house was at the
entrance of the town of Buyemall; it stood inclosed in a small garden,
flaming with crocuses and sunflowers, and exhibiting an arbour to the
right, where, in the summer evenings, the respectable owner might be
seen, with his waistcoat unbuttoned, in order to give that just and
rational liberty to the subordinate parts of the human commonwealth which
the increase of their consequence after the hour of dinner, naturally
demands. Nor, in those moments of dignified ease, was the worthy burgher
without the divine inspirations of complacent contemplation which the
weed of Virginia bestoweth. There as he smoked and puffed, and looked out
upon the bright crocuses, and meditated over the dim recollections of the
hesternal journal, did Mr. Briggs revolve in his mind the vast importance
of the borough of Buyemall to the British empire, and the vast importance
of John Briggs to the borough of Buyemall.
When I knocked at the door a prettyish maidservant opened it with a
smile, and a glance which the vender of wine might probably have taught
her himself after too large potations of his own spirituous
manufactories. I was ushered into a small parlour--where sat, sipping
brandy and water, a short, stout, monosyllabic sort of figure,
corresponding in outward shape to the name of Briggs--even unto a very
nicety.
"Mr. Pelham," said this gentleman, who was dressed in a brown coat, white
waistcoat, buff-coloured inexpressibles, with long strings, and gaiters
of the same hue and substance as the breeches--"Mr. Pelham, pray be
seated--excuse my rising, I'm like the bishop in the story, Mr. Pelham,
too old to rise;" and Mr. Briggs grunted out a short, quick, querulous,
"he--he--he," to which, of course, I replied to the best of my
cachinnatory powers.
No sooner, however, did I begin to laugh, than Mr. Briggs stopped short--
eyed me with a sharp, suspicious glance--shook his head, and pushed back
his chair at least four feet from the spot it had hitherto occupied.
Ominous signs, thought I--I must sound this gentleman a little further,
before I venture to treat him as the rest of his species.
"You have a nice situation here, Mr. Briggs," said I.
"Ah, Mr. Pelham, and a nice vote too, which is somewhat more to your
purpose, I believe."
'Oh!' thought I, 'I see through you now, Mr. Briggs!'--you must not be
too civil to one who suspects you are going to be civil, in order to take
him in.
"Why," said I, "Mr. Briggs, to be frank with you, I do call upon you for
the purpose of requesting your vote; give it me, or not, just as you
please. You may be sure I shall not make use of the vulgar electioneering
arts to coax gentlemen out of their votes. I ask you for your's as one
freeman solicits another: if you think my opponent a fitter person to
represent your borough, give your support to him in God's name: if not,
and you place confidence in me, I will, at least, endeavour not to betray
it."
"Well done, Mr. Pelham," exclaimed Mr. Briggs: "I love candour--you speak
just after my own heart; but you must be aware that one does not like to
be bamboozled out of one's right of election, by a smooth-tongued fellow,
who sends one to the devil the moment the election is over--or still
worse, to be frightened out of it by some stiff-necked proud coxcomb,
with his pedigree in his hand, and his acres in his face, thinking he
does you a marvellous honour to ask you at all. Sad times these for this
free country, Mr. Pelham, when a parcel of conceited paupers, like Parson
Quinny (as I call that reverend fool, Mr. Combermere St. Quintin),
imagine they have a right to dictate to warm, honest men, who can buy
their whole family out and out. I tell you what, Mr. Pelham, we shall
never do anything for this country till we get rid of those landed
aristocrats, with their ancestry and humbug. I hope you're of my mind,
Mr. Pelham."
"Why," answered I, "there is certainly nothing so respectable in Great
Britain as our commercial interest. A man who makes himself is worth a
thousand men made by their forefathers."
"Very true, Mr. Pelham," said the wine-merchant, advancing his chair to
me, and then laying a short, thickset finger upon my arm--he looked up in
my face with an investigating air, and said:--"Parliamentary Reform--what
do you say to that? you're not an advocate for ancient abuses, and modern
corruption, I hope, Mr. Pelham?"
"By no means," cried I, with an honest air of indignation--"I have a
conscience, Mr. Briggs, I have a conscience as a public man, no less than
as a private one!"
"Admirable!" cried my host.
"No," I continued, glowing as I proceeded, "no, Mr. Briggs; I disdain to
talk too much about my principles before they are tried; the proper time
to proclaim them is when they have effected some good by being put into
action. I won't supplicate your vote, Mr. Briggs, as my opponent may do;
there must be a mutual confidence between my supporters and myself. When
I appear before you a second time, you will have a right to see how far I
have wronged that trust reposed in me as your representative. Mr. Briggs,
I dare say it may seem rude and impolitic to address you in this manner;
but I am a plain, blunt man, and I disdain the vulgar arts of
electioneering, Mr. Briggs."
"Give us your fist, old boy," cried the wine merchant, in a transport;
"give us your fist; I promise you my support, and I am delighted to vote
for a young gentleman of such excellent principles."
So much, dear reader, for Mr. Briggs, who became from that interview my
staunchest supporter. I will not linger longer upon this part of my
career; the above conversations may serve as a sufficient sample of my
electioneering qualifications: and so I shall merely add, that after the
due quantum of dining, drinking, spouting, lying, equivocating, bribing,
rioting, head-breaking, promise-breaking, and--thank the god Mercury, who
presides over elections--chairing of successful candidateship, I found
myself fairly chosen member for the borough of Buyemall.
