CHAPTER VIII.
"Oh, how I long to be employed!"--Every Man in his Humour.
Clarence was sitting the next morning over the very unsatisfactory
breakfast which tea made out of broomsticks, and cream out of chalk
(adulteration thrived even in 17--) afforded, when the waiter threw
open the door and announced Mr. Brown.
"Just in time, sir, you perceive," said Mr. Brown; "I am punctuality
itself: exactly a quarter of a minute to ten. I have brought you the
pots of French mustard, and I have some very valuable articles which
you must want, besides."
"Thank you, sir," said Linden, not well knowing what to say; and Mr.
Brown, untying a silk handkerchief, produced three shirts, two pots of
pomatum, a tobacco canister with a German pipe, four pair of silk
stockings, two gold seals, three rings, and a stuffed parrot!
"Beautiful articles these, sir," said Mr. Brown, with a snuffle "of
inward sweetness long drawn out," and expressive of great admiration
of his offered treasures; "beautiful articles, sir, ar'n't they?"
"Very, the parrot in particular," said Clarence.
"Yes, sir," returned Mr. Brown, "the parrot is indeed quite a jewel;
it belonged to the late Lady Waddilove; I offer it to you with
considerable regret, for--"
"Oh!" interrupted Clarence, "pray do not rob yourself of such a jewel;
it really is of no use to me."
"I know that, sir,--I know that," replied Mr. Brown; "but it will be
of use to your friends; it will be inestimable to any old aunt, sir,
any maiden lady living at Hackney, any curious elderly gentleman fond
of a knack-knack. I knew you would know some one to send it to as a
present, even though you should not want it yourself."
"Bless me!" thought Linden, "was there ever such generosity? Not
content with providing for my wants, he extends his liberality even to
any possible relations I may possess!"
Mr. Brown now re-tied "the beautiful articles" in his handkerchief.
"Shall I leave them, sir?" said he.
"Why, really," said Clarence, "I thought yesterday that you were in
jest; but you must be aware that I cannot accept presents from any
gentleman so much,--so much a stranger to me as you are."
"No, sir, I am aware of that," replied Mr. Brown; "and in order to
remove the unpleasantness of such a feeling, sir, on your part,--
merely in order to do that, I assure you with no other view, sir, in
the world,--I have just noted down the articles on this piece of
paper; but as you will perceive, at a price so low as still to make
them actually presents in everything but the name. Oh, sir, I
perfectly understand your delicacy, and would not for the world
violate it."
So saying, Mr. Brown put a paper into Linden's hands, the substance of
which a very little more experience of the world would have enabled
Clarence to foresee; it ran thus:--
CLARENCE LINDEN, ESQ., DR.
TO Mr. MORRIS BROWN.
l. s. d.
To Six Pots of French Mustard . . . . . . . . . 1 4 0
To Three Superfine Holland Shirts, with Cambric Bosoms,
Complete . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 1 0
To Two Pots of Superior French Pomatum . . . . . . 0 10 0
To a Tobacco Canister of enamelled Tin, with a finely
Executed Head of the Pretender; slight flaw in the same. 0 12 6
To a German Pipe, second hand, as good as new, belonging
to the late Lady Waddilove . . . . . . . . . . 1 18 0
To Four Pair of Black Silk Hose, ditto, belonging to her
Ladyship's Husband . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 8 0
To Two Superfine Embossed Gold Watch Seals, with a
Classical Motto and Device to each, namely, Mouse Trap,
and "Prenez Garde," to one, and "Who the devil can this
be from?" [One would not have thought these ingenious
devices had been of so ancient a date as the year 17--.]
to the other . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 0
To a remarkably fine Antique Ring, having the head of a
Monkey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0 16 6
A ditto, with blue stones . . . . . . . . . . . 0 12 6
A ditto, with green ditto . . . . . . . . . . . 0 12 6
A Stuffed Green Parrot, a remarkable favourite of the late
Lady W. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 2 0
--------
Sum Total . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 18 0
Deduction for Ready Money . . . . . . . . . . 0 13 6
--------
15 4 6
Mr. Brown's Profits for Brokerage . . . . . . . . 1 10 0
--------
Sum Total . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 14 6
Received of Clarence Linden, Esq., this day of 17--.
It would have been no unamusing study to watch the expression of
Clarence's face as it lengthened over each article until he had
reached the final conclusion. He then carefully folded up the paper,
restored it to Mr. Brown, with a low bow, and said, "Excuse me, sir, I
will not take advantage of your generosity; keep your parrot and other
treasures for some more worthy person. I cannot accept of what you
are pleased to term your very valuable presents!"
"Oh, very well, very well," said Mr. Brown, pocketing the paper, and
seeming perfectly unconcerned at the termination of his proposals;
"perhaps I can serve you in some other way?"
"In none, I thank you," replied Linden.
"Just consider, sir!--you will want lodgings; I can find them for you
cheaper than you can yourself; or perhaps you would prefer going into
a nice, quiet, genteel family where you can have both board and
lodging, and be treated in every way as the pet child of the master?"
A thought crossed Linden's mind. He was going to stay in town some
time; he was ignorant of its ways; he had neither friends nor
relations, at least none whom he could visit and consult; moreover,
hotels, he knew, were expensive; lodgings, though cheaper, might, if
tolerably comfortable, greatly exceed the sum prudence would allow him
to expend would not this plan proposed by Mr. Brown, of going into a
"nice quiet genteel family," he the most advisable one he could adopt?
The generous benefactor of the late and ever-to-be-remembered Lady
Waddilove perceived his advantage, and making the most of Clarence's
hesitation, continued,--
"I know of a charming little abode, sir, situated in the suburbs of
London, quite rus in urbe, as the scholars say; you can have a
delightful little back parlour, looking out upon the garden, and all
to yourself, I dare say."
"And pray, Mr. Brown," interrupted Linden, "what price do you think
would be demanded for such enviable accommodation? If you offer me
them as 'a present,' I shall have nothing to say to them."
"Oh, sir," answered Mr. Brown, "the price will be a trifle,--a mere
trifle; but I will inquire, and let you know the exact sum in the
course of the day: all they want is a respectable gentlemanlike
lodger; and I am sure so near a relation of Mrs. Minden will upon my
recommendation be received with avidity. Then you won't have any of
these valuable articles, sir? You'll repent it, sir; take my word for
it--hem!
"Since," replied Clarence, dryly, "your word appears of so much more
value than your articles, pardon me, if I prefer taking the former
instead of the latter."
Mr. Brown forced a smile,--"Well, sir, very well, very well indeed.
You will not go out before two o'clock? and at that time I shall call
upon you respecting the commission you have favoured me with."
"I will await you," said Clarence; and he bowed Mr. Brown out of the
room.
"Now, really," said Linden to himself, as he paced the narrow limits
of his apartment, "I do not see what better plan I can pursue; but let
me well consider what is my ultimate object. A high step in the
world's ladder! how is this to be obtained? First, by the regular
method of professions; but what profession should I adopt? The Church
is incompatible with my object, the army and navy with my means. Next
come the irregular methods of adventure and enterprise, such as
marriage with a fortune,"--here he paused and looked at the glass,--
"the speculation of a political pamphlet, or an ode to the minister;
attendance on some dying miser of my own name, without a relation in
the world; or, in short, any other mode of making money that may
decently offer itself. Now, situated as I am, without a friend in
this great city, I might as well purchase my experience at as cheap a
rate and in as brief a time as possible, nor do I see any plan of
doing so more promising than that proposed by Mr. Brown."
These and such like reflections, joined to the inspiriting pages of
the "Newgate Calendar" and "The Covent Garden Magazine," two works
which Clarence dragged from their concealment under a black tea-tray,
afforded him ample occupation till the hour of two, punctual to which
time Mr. Morris Brown returned.
"Well, sir," said Clarence, "what is your report?"
The friend of the late Lady W. wiped his brow and gave three long
sighs before he replied: "A long walk, sir--a very long walk I have
had; but I have succeeded. No thanks, sir,--no thanks,--the lady, a
most charming, delightful, amiable woman, will receive you with
pleasure; you will have the use of a back parlour (as I said) all the
morning, and a beautiful little bedroom entirely to yourself; think of
that, sir. You will have an egg for breakfast, and you will dine with
the family at three o'clock: quite fashionable hours you see, sir."
"And the terms?" said Linden, impatiently.
"Why, sir," replied Mr. Brown, "the lady was too genteel to talk to me
about them; you had better walk with me to her house and see if you
cannot yourself agree with her."
"I will," said Clarence. "Will you wait here till I have dressed?"
Mr. Brown bowed his assent.
"I might as well," thought Clarence, as he ascended to his bedroom,
"inquire into the character of this gentleman to whose good offices I
am so rashly intrusting myself." He rang his bell; the chambermaid
appeared, and was dismissed for the waiter. The character was soon
asked, and soon given. For our reader's sake we will somewhat enlarge
upon it.
Mr. Morris Brown originally came into the world with the simple
appellation of Moses, a name which his father--honest man--had, as the
Minories can still testify, honourably borne before him. Scarcely,
however, had the little Moses attained the age of five, when his
father, for causes best known to himself, became a Christian. Somehow
or other there is a most potent connection between the purse and the
conscience, and accordingly the blessings of Heaven descended in
golden showers upon the proselyte. "I shall die worth a plum," said
Moses the elder (who had taken unto himself the Christian cognomen of
Brown); "I shall die worth a plum," repeated he, as he went one fine
morning to speculate at the Exchange. A change of news, sharp and
unexpected as a change of wind, lowered the stocks and blighted the
plum. Mr. Brown was in the "Gazette" that week, and his wife in weeds
for him the next. He left behind him, besides the said wife, several
debts and his son Moses. Beggared by the former, our widow took a
small shop in Wardour Street to support the latter. Patient, but
enterprising--cautious of risking pounds, indefatigable in raising
pence--the little Moses inherited the propensities of his Hebrew
ancestors; and though not so capable as his immediate progenitor of
making a fortune, he was at least far less likely to lose one. In
spite, however, of all the industry both of mother and son, the gains
of the shop were but scanty; to increase them capital was required,
and all Mr. Moses Brown's capital lay in his brain. "It is a bad
foundation," said the mother, with a sigh. "Not at all!" said the
son, and leaving the shop, he turned broker. Now a broker is a man
who makes an income out of other people's funds,--a gleaner of stray
extravagances; and by doing the public the honour of living upon them
may fairly be termed a little sort of state minister in his way. What
with haunting sales, hawking china, selling the curiosities of one old
lady and purchasing the same for another, Mr. Brown managed to enjoy a
very comfortable existence. Great pains and small gains will at last
invert their antithesis, and make little trouble and great profit; so
that by the time Mr. Brown had attained his fortieth year, the petty
shop had become a large warehouse; and, if the worthy Moses, now
christianized into Morris, was not so sanguine as his father in the
gathering of plums, he had been at least as fortunate in the
collecting of windfalls. To say truth, the abigail of the defunct
Lady Waddilove had been no unprofitable helpmate to our broker. As
ingenious as benevolent, she was the owner of certain rooms of great
resort in the neighbourhood of St. James's,--rooms where caps and
appointments were made better than anywhere else, and where credit was
given and character lost upon terms equally advantageous to the
accommodating Mrs. Brown.
Meanwhile her husband, continuing through liking what he had begun
through necessity, slackened not his industry in augmenting his
fortune; on the contrary, small profits were but a keener incentive to
large ones,--as the glutton only sharpened by luncheon his appetite
for dinner. Still was Mr. Brown the very Alcibiades of brokers, the
universal genius, suiting every man to his humour. Business of
whatever description, from the purchase of a borough to that of a
brooch, was alike the object of Mr. Brown's most zealous pursuit:
taverns, where country cousins put up; rustic habitations, where
ancient maidens resided; auction or barter; city or hamlet,--all were
the same to that enterprising spirit, which made out of every
acquaintance--a commission! Sagacious and acute, Mr. Brown perceived
the value of eccentricity in covering design, and found by experience
that whatever can be laughed at as odd will be gravely considered as
harmless. Several of the broker's peculiarities were, therefore, more
artificial than natural; and many were the sly bargains which he
smuggled into effect under the comfortable cloak of singularity. No
wonder, then, that the crafty Morris grew gradually in repute as a
person of infinite utility and excellent qualifications; or that the
penetrating friends of his deceased sire bowed to the thriving
itinerant, with a respect which they denied to many in loftier
professions and more general esteem.
