CHAPTER XXXVII.
AN EVENING WITH CONSTANCE.
Constances's heart was in her eyes when she saw Godolphin that evening.
She had, it is true, as Saville observed, been compelled by common
courtesy to invite him; and although there was an embarrassment in their
meeting, who shall imagine that it did not bring to Constance more of
pleasure than pain? She had been deeply shocked by Lord Erpingham's
sudden death: they had not been congenial minds, but the great have an
advantage denied to the less wealthy orders. Among the former, a husband
and wife need not weary each other with constant companionships; different
establishments, different hours, different pursuits, allow them to pass
life in great measure apart, so that there is no necessity for hatred, and
indifference is the coldest feeling which custom induces.
Still in the prime of youth and at the zenith of her beauty, Constance was
now independent. She was in the enjoyment of the wealth and rank her
early habits of thought had deemed indispensable, and she now for the
first time possessed the power of sharing them with whom she pleased. At
this thought how naturally her heart flew back to Godolphin! And while
she now gazed, although by stealth, at his countenance, as he sat at a
little distance from her, and in his turn watched for the tokens of past
remembrance, she was deeply touched by the change (light as it seemed to
others) which years had brought to him; and in recalling the emotion he
had testified at meeting her, she suffered her heart to soften, while it
reproached her in whispering, "Thou art the cause!"--All the fire--the
ardour of a character not then confirmed, which, when she last saw him
spoke in his eye and mien, were gone for ever. The irregular brilliancy
of his conversation--the earnestness of his air and gesture were replaced
by a calm, and even, and melancholy composure. His forehead was stamped
with the lines of thought; and the hair, grown thinner toward the temples,
no longer concealed by its luxuriance the pale expanse of his brow. The
air of delicate health which had at first interested her in his
appearance, still lingered, and gave its wonted and ineffable charm to his
low voice, and the gentle expression of his eyes. By degrees, the
conversation, at first partial and scattered, became more general.
Constance and Godolphin were drawn into it.
"It is impossible," said Godolphin, "to compare life in a southern climate
with that which we lead in colder countries. There is an indolence, a
laissez aller, a philosophical insouciance, produced by living under these
warm suns, and apart from the ambition of the objects of our own nation,
which produce at last a state of mind that divides us for ever from our
countrymen. It is like living amidst perpetual music--a different kind of
life--a soft, lazy, voluptuous romance of feeling, that indisposes us to
action--almost to motion. So far from a sojourn in Italy being friendly
to the growth of ambition, it nips and almost destroys the germ."
"In fact, it leaves us fit for nothing but love," said Saville; "an
occupation that levels us with the silliest part of our species."
"Fools cannot love," said Lady Charlotte.
"Pardon me, love and folly are synonymous in more languages than the
French," answered Saville.
"In truth," said Godolphin, "the love which you both allude to is not
worth disputing about."
"What love is?" asked Saville.
"First love," cried Lady Charlotte; "is it not, Mr. Godolphin?"
Godolphin changed color, and his eyes met those of Constance. She too
sighed and looked down: Godolphin remained silent.
"Nay, Mr. Godolphin, answer me," said Lady Charlotte; "I appeal to you!"
"First love, then," said Godolphin, endeavouring to speak composedly, "has
this advantage over others--it is usually disappointed, and regret for
ever keeps it alive."
The tone of his voice struck Constance to the heart. Nor did she speak
again--save with visible effort--during the rest of the evening.
