ILLITERATE WHO SET UP FOR A SCHOOLMASTER
There was once, among the menials[FN#171] of a certain mosque, a
man who knew not how to write or even to read and who gained his
bread by gulling folk. One day, it occurred to him to open a
school and teach children; so he got together writing-tablets and
written papers and hung them up in a high place. Then he
greatened his turband[FN#172] and sat down at the door of the
school; and when the people, who passed by, saw his huge head-
gear and tablets and scrolls, they thought he must be a very
learned pedagogue; so they brought him their children; and he
would say to this, "Write," and to that "Read"; and thus the
little ones taught each other. Now one day, as he sat as of
wont, at the door of the school, behold, up came a woman letter
in hand, and he said in his mind, "This woman doubtless seeketh
me, that I may read her the missive she hath in her hand: how
shall I do with her, seeing I cannot read writing?" And he would
fain have gone down and fled from her; but, before he could do
this, she overtook him and said to him, "Whither away?" Quoth
he, "I purpose to pray the noon-prayer and return." Quoth she,
"Noon is yet distant, so read me this letter." He took the
letter and turning it upside down, fell to looking at it, now
shaking his head till his turband quivered, then dancing his
eyebrows and anon showing anger and concern. Now the letter came
from the woman's husband, who was absent; and when she saw the
dominie do on this wise, she said to herself, "Doubtless my
husband is dead, and this learned doctor of law and religion is
ashamed to tell me so." So she said to him, "O my lord, if he be
dead, tell me;" but he shook his head and held his peace. Then
said she, "Shall I rend my raiment?" "Rend!" replied he. "Shall
I beat my face?" asked she; and he answered, "Beat!" So she took
the letter from his hand and returned home fell a-weeping, she
and her children. Presently, one of her neighbours heard her
sobbing and asking what aileth her, was answered, "Of a truth she
hath gotten a letter, telling her that her husband is dead."
Quoth the man, "This is a falsehood; for I had a letter from him
but yesterday, advising me that he is whole and in good health
and will be with her after ten days." So he rose forthright and
going in to her, said, "Where is the letter which came to thee?"
She brought it to him, and he took it and read it; and lo! it ran
as follows, "After the usual salutations, I am well and in good
health and whole and will be with you all after ten days.
Meanwhile, I send you a quilt and an extinguisher."[FN#173] So
she took the letter and, returning to the schoolmaster, said to
him, "What induced thee to deal thus with me?" And she repeated
to him what her neighbour had told her of her husband's well-
being and of his having sent her a quilt and an extinguisher.
Answered he, "Thou art in the right, O good woman; for I was, at
the time"--And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to
say her permitted say.
When it was the Four Hundred and Fourth Night,
She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the
pedagogue replied, "Verily I was at that time fashed and absent-
minded and, seeing the extinguisher wrapped up in the quilt, I
thought that he was dead and they had shrouded him." The woman,
not smoking the cheat, said, "Thou art excused," and taking the
letter, went her ways.[FN#174] And they relate a story of
