ACT THIRD
THE GUINEA-HEN'S DAY
_Corner of a kitchen-garden, enclosed on the sides by hedges. At the
back, espaliers. Vegetables and flowers of all kinds. Cold frames. Among
the fruit trees, an upright pole, rigged in an old frock-coat, pair of
trousers, and opera hat, fills the function of scarecrow._
SCENE FIRST
_The_ GUINEA-HEN, HENS, DUCKS, _etc.; the_ PHEASANT-HEN, _the_
BLACKBIRD, _later_ PATOU.
_At the rise of the curtain, multitudinous clatter and confused swarming
of_ HENS _and_ CHICKENS.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Going impetuously from one to the other._] How do you do? How do you
do?--There is scarcely room to move! My guests reach all the way to the
cucumber patch!
CHORUS
[_Up in the air._]
_Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN
A regular crush!
A HEN
[_Gazing at a row of huge pumpkins._] What attractive objects!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Art pottery! Rather good of its kind, if I do say so!
A CHICK
[_Listening with his bill in the air._] Singers?
THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes,--
CHORUS
_Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_In her sprightliest manner._] The Wasps! [_To a_ CHICKEN.] How do you
do? [_She flits from one guest to the other._]
THE WASPS
_Busily buzzing
Estival glees.
Fill we with murmurs
The mulberry trees_!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Passing with the_ BLACKBIRD _and laughing._] So you were caught?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Finishing his story._] Exactly as if a hat had been plumped down over
me. But I managed by beating my wings to throw off the beastly pot.
[_Looking around him._] Chantecler has not come yet?
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Surprised._] Is he coming?
PATOU
[_Suddenly appearing on the wheelbarrow, from whence he can watch the
scene as from a pulpit._] I still hope he may change his mind.
THE BLACKBIRD
Patou there, in the wheelbarrow?
PATOU
[_Shaking his surly head, and a bit of broken chain hanging from his
collar._] Chantecler told me everything Blackbird, as he went by. In a
towering rage I broke my chain, and am here to keep an eye on the wicked
lot of you.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Has he invited himself to my party, that
moth-eaten old thing?
CHORUS
[_Among the trees._]
_Our praises, Sun, our praises!_
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Looking upward._] Music?
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Cicadas!
CHORUS OF CICADAS
_We simmer in thy gaze,
We bask beneath thy blaze,
Receive our grateful praise!_
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[_Low and quickly to his mother._] Tsicadas, mother. You must pronounce
it Tsi!
A MAGPIE
[_In black coat and white tie, announcing the guests as they arrive
through a hole such as Chickens dig at the foot of hedges._] The Gander!
THE GANDER
[_Entering, jocularly._] What's all this fuss and feathers my lady? Our
names called as we enter?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Demurely._] Yes, you see, expecting some rather great people, I
thought it well to stand an usher at the blackthorn door.
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] The Duck!
THE DUCK
[_Entering, impressed by the elegance of the occasion._] Here is style
and grandeur indeed! Our names called!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes, you see, expecting some rather great people--
THE MAGPIE
The Turkey-hen!
THE TURKEY-HEN
[_Entering, after a supercilious glance._] This is quite more of an
affair, my dear, than I was anticipating.--Names called!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes, I had in the Magpie to supplement my usual staff.
CHORUS
[_Among blossoming branches._]
_Boom! Boom!
From bloom to bloom_!
THE TURKEY-HEN
[_Lifting her bill._] A Chorus?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Breezily._] The Bees!
CHORUS
_Make distant flowers
Bride and groom!_
THE TURKEY-HEN
Wonders on every side!
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Bees here, the Tsicadas yonder--[_To a passing_ HEN.] How do you do?
How do you do?
BEES
[_At the right._]
_Boom!_
CICADAS
[_At the left._]
_Our praises!_
BEES
_Boom!_
CICADAS
_Our praises!_
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] My garden produces the most remarkable of
everything!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
The brightest flowers!
THE GUINEA-HEN
The big potatoes!
THE BLACKBIRD
And peaches! Perfect peaches!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Inconvenienced by the movement and the crowd, to the_ BLACKBIRD.] Let
us stand out of the crowd a moment, behind this watering-pot.
THE BLACKBIRD
The watering-pot, alias the Intermittent Baldpate, so called because
there flows from his copper scalp when he is tilted a marvelous growth
of silver hair.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Spying the_ CAT, _who, outstretched along an apple-bough is watching
with half-closed eyes._] I have among my guests the Cat.
THE BLACKBIRD
Tomkyns de Tomkyns! [_A_ BIRD _is heard warbling in a tree._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
I have the Chaffinch!
THE BLACKBIRD
Let him chaff inchworms, what care we?
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Darning-needle!
THE BLACKBIRD
She shall mend up Ragged Robin, now's his chance!
PATOU
[_More and more disgusted._] All that is supposed to be funny!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Pecking a cabbage leaf from which roll drops of dew._] I have the Dew!
PATOU
[_Grimly._] Your witticism for her?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Brightly._] Fresh-water pearls!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Pointing out several_ CHICKS _walking among the crowd._] Have you seen
them? I have several of the A.I.'s Chicks!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
A.I.?
THE GUINEA-HEN
The Acme Incubator.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Oh, have you?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Presenting the_ CHICKS.] All from the topmost compartment!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Indeed?
ONE OF THE CHICKS
[_Nudging his neighbour._] She is dumbfounded!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Contemptuously._] Eggs hatched by the old vulgar method, fie!
THE BLACKBIRD,
Good Lord, exempt us!
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] The Guinea-pig!
THE GUINEA-HEN
It's the famous one, you know! The Guinea-pig who was inoculated--surely
you remember the case--very well, that's the one! There you see him. I
made a point of getting him to come. Everybody is here! I have
everybody! I have--[_To the_ GUINEA-PIG.] How do you do? [_To the_
PHEASANT-HEN.] I have our great philosopher Tur-Key--Yes, it should be
written with a hyphen--who will give us a little talk among the currant
bushes under the tea-roses--[_To a passing_ HEN.] How do you do? [_To
the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Educational Tea or Currant Topics! [_Whirling from
one to the other._] Everyone is here, everyone of the slightest mark or
consequence! The Pheasant-hen is here, in a frock from fairyland. The
Duck is here, who is so good as to say he will recite for us by and by.
The Tortoise is here--[_Noticing that the_ TORTOISE _is not there_] I
was mistaken, the Tortoise is not here. She is late.
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Affecting deep concern._] What is the little talk she seems so
regrettably likely to miss?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Suddenly serious._] The Moral Problem.
THE BLACKBIRD
What a pity!
[_The_ GUINEA-HEN _goes to the back, scattering greetings, in ecstasies
of sociability._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Who is the Tortoise?
THE BLACKBIRD
A hard old character, impervious, I fear, to moral problems, who goes in
for walking matches in a loud check suit!
[_Murmur among the hollyhocks._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Listen, a Drone!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Briskly returning._] The Drone is here! In the bright light overhead,
what a stylish figure of a fly!
THE BLACKBIRD
No "at home" complete without it! Ladies cry for it! Won't be happy
until--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Jumping up in the air toward the_ DRONE.] How do you do? How do you
do? [_She follows his flight with excited leaps and hops._]
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Touching his brow with his wing._] She is dotty!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_At the back, with shrill_ GUINEA-HEN _cries._] It's my last day! How
do you do? My last day until August! Mondays in August, don't forget!
A HEN
[_Seeing cherries dropping around her._] Oh, cherries, look!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Looking upward._] It is the Breeze!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Fluttering forward again, excited as ever._] I have the Breeze, who
now and then shakes down a cherry! I never ask her. She comes unasked.
What's-his-name is here! And What's-her-name is here, and--[_To the back
tumultuously._]
THE BLACKBIRD
And Thingumbob, and Stick-in-the-mud! [_He has arrived without
appearance of design beneath the tree where the_ CAT _is lying, and asks
rapidly, under breath._] Cat, what about the conspiracy?
THE CAT
[_Who from his tree can see beyond the hedge._] It is afoot. I see the
interminable file of phenomenal Cocks approaching, headed by the Peacock
who comes to present them.
A CRY
[_Outside._] Ee--yong! [_The_ CROWD _throngs toward the entrance._]
PATOU
[_Grumbling._] That abominable concertina cry--
THE MAGPIE
The Peacock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Have you a fancy name for him?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Imitating the_ PEACOCK'S _cry._] Our great Accordee-yong!
SCENE SECOND
THE SAME, THE PEACOCK.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ PEACOCK, _who enters slowly, with his head borne very stiff
and high._] Master, dear Master, would you be so extremely condescending
as to come and stand with your back to these sunflowers? Peacock!
Sunflowers! A study for Burne-Jones!
ALL
[_Crowding around the_ PEACOCK.] Master! Master!
A CHICKEN
[_Low to the_ DUCK.] A word from him can make one's fortune in society!
ANOTHER CHICKEN
[_Who has succeeded in forcing his way to the_ PEACOCK, _stammering with
emotion._] Master, what do you think of my latest "cheep"? [_Suspense.
Religious silence._]
THE PEACOCK
[_Solemnly, letting the word drop slowly from his beak._] Definitive.
[_Sensation._]
A DUCK
[_Trembling._] And my "quack"? [_Suspense._]
THE PEACOCK
Ultimate! [_Sensation._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Delighted, to the_ HENS.] I may say that it is at my days most
especially he throws off these specimens of a verbal art which might
fairly be called--
THE PEACOCK
Lapidary.
ALL THE HENS
[_Rolling up their eyes._] Wonderful!
A HEN
[_Coming forward, faint with emotion._] Master, high priest of taste,
what do you think of my dress? [_Suspense._]
THE PEACOCK
[_After a glance._] Affirmative. [_Sensation._]
THE TUFTED HEN
[_Same business._] And my bonnet? [_Suspense._]
THE PEACOCK
Absolute. [_Sensation._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_In a burst of emotion._] Our bonnets are absolute!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Affecting exclusive interest in the_ BEES.] Ah, there is the Choir
Invisible striking up again!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Presenting the young_ GUINEA-COCK _to the_ PEACOCK.] My son!--What do
you think of him?
THE PEACOCK
Plausible.
CHORUS OF WASPS
_Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Overjoyed, running to the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Oh, he said he was plausible!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Who was?
THE GUINEA-HEN
My son!
CHORUS OF BEES
_When July
Too holly glows
Seek the shade
Inside the rose_!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Returning to the_ PEACOCK.] Does not the rhythm of that chorus impress
you as--
THE PEACOCK
Asunartetos!
A HEN
[_To the_ GUINEA-HEN.] Your guest, my dear, can fit an epithet!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Pontiff of the Unexpected Adjective I call him!
THE PEACOCK
[_Distilling his words, in a discordant haughty voice._] True it is that--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Ah, this is most pleasant, most pleasant! He is going to talk to us.
THE PEACOCK
--a Ruskin rather more refined, I hope, than the earlier one, with a
tact--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Very true!
PEACOCK
--a tact for which I stand largely in my own debt, I have constituted
myself Petronius-Priest and Maecenas-Messiah volatile volatiliser of
words, and that, jeweled judge, I love by my cameos and filigrees of
speech to represent the Taste of which I am the--
PATOU
Oh, my poor head!
THE PEACOCK
[_Nonchalantly._]--shall I say guardian?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Effervescently._] Do say guardian!
THE PEACOCK
No. Thesmothetes. [_Respectful murmur of delight._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Now you have seen our Peacock! Aren't you
excited?
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Slightly bored._] Yes,--because I know the Cock is coming.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Delighted._] To-day? He is coming to-day? [_She announces to the
general company, enthusiastically._] Chantecler!
THE PEACOCK
[_Slightly miffed._] A far greater triumph lies in store for you, fair
friend.
THE GUINEA-HEN
Triumph? [_The_ PEACOCK _nods mysteriously._] What triumph?
THE PEACOCK
[_Walking away from her._] You shall see.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Following him._] Of what triumph are you speaking?
THE PEACOCK
I said, "You shall see!"
MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] Cock Braekel of Campine!
SCENE THIRD
THE SAME, _then gradually the_ COCKS.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Stopping short, amazed._] Braekel? At my party? There's some mistake.
THE BRAEKEL COCK
[_Bowing before her._] Madam--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Breathless with emotion in the presence of this white_ COCK _braided
with black._] This unexpected pleasure--
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] Cock Ramelslohe--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Heavens!
THE MAGPIE
[_Finishing._]--of the Slate-blue Claw!
THE PEACOCK
[_In the_ GUINEA-HEN'S _ear, while the startling_ RAMELSLOHE _bows._] He
is one of the most recent leucotites!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Blankly._] A leucotite--How interesting!
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing in a louder and louder, more and more impressive voice._]
Cock Wyandotte of the Sable Spur! [_Shiver of emotion among the_ HENS.]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Off her head with excitement._] Heavens and gracious powers--my son!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[_Running to her._] Mamma!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Wyandotte! Cock Wyandotte!
THE PEACOCK
[_With a fine carelessness._] Cock with strawberry coronet, product of
Art Nouveau!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the newcomers who are surrounded by astonished murmurs._]
Strawberry coronet!--Gentlemen--
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[_Who has gone to take a look outside._] Mamma!
THE GUINEA-HEN
--so kindly condescending to honour my poor house--
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
Mamma, there are still others coming!
THE MAGPIE
His lordship, the Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Heavens, what Cock?
THE MAGPIE
Cock of Mesopotamia with the Double Comb!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Double! Oh! [_Dashing to welcome the newcomer._] Charmed, charmed indeed!
THE PEACOCK
Out upon the obsolete! I wished to show you a few young gentlemen
slightly superlative and veritably precious.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Returning to the_ PEACOCK.] How shall I thank you, Peacock, dear
friend? [_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN, _patronizingly._] You will excuse me, I
know, you charming little thing. You must understand, my dear, that his
lordship the Cock of Mesopotamia has just arrived! [_Running to the_
COCK, _who bows his two combs._] A proud day for us! Charmed, delighted,
enchanted!
MAGPIE
Cock d'Orpington of the Feather-ringed Eye!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Feather-ringed--Oh!
THE BLACKBIRD
The plot thickens!
THE MAGPIE
[_While the_ GUINEA-HEN _is flying toward the_ ORPINGTON COCK.] Bearded
Cock of Varna!
THE PEACOCK
[_To the_ GUINEA-HEN.] A typical Slav!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Leaving the_ ORPINGTON _for the_ BEARDED COCK.] Oh, the Slav soul we
have heard so much about! Charmed, beyond words, charmed!
THE MAGPIE
Rose-footed Scotch Grey Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Leaving the_ BEARDED COCK _for the_ SCOTCH GREY.] Oh, that rose foot!
I do admire that rose foot! Think of introducing that rose foot at my
tea! [_With conviction._] What a social event!
THE MAGPIE
Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Out of her senses._] No, I say, no! There can't be any more!
THE MAGPIE
Cock with Goblet-shaped comb!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Who at every name rushes excitedly toward the newcomer._] Charmed, I
am sure! Oh, what a novel notion! Goblet-shaped!
THE MAGPIE
Blue Cock of Andalusia!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Your egg, I presume, was laid in the vibrating hollow of a guitar!
Delighted and honored,--both!
THE MAGPIE
Cock Langsham!
THE PEACOCK
A Tartar!
ALL THE HENS
[_Smitten with amazement at sight of the black giant._] A Tartar!
THE MAGPIE
Gold-penciled Hamburg Cock!
ALL THE HENS
[_At sight of the gold-laced_ COCK _in the cocked hat._] Gold-penciled
Hamburg!
THE GUINEA-HEN
My kitchen-garden party will be famous! [_To the_ HAMBURG COCK, _whose
breast is striped with black and yellow._] Oh, what a wonderful
waistcoat! May I ask what it is made of?
THE BLACKBIRD
Of zebra!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Zebra, you don't say so! It will be the pride of my life, of my whole--
THE MAGPIE
Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Jumping._] No, I can't believe it!
THE MAGPIE
--of Burma!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Burma! [_Increasing general agitation._]
THE PEACOCK
An East Indian.
THE GUINEA-HEN
Oh, I can see his Hindu soul right in his eyes, the Hindu soul we hear
so much about! [_Running to the newcomer, in an adoring voice._]
Charmed, charmed! The Hindu soul--oh!
THE MAGPIE
Padua Cocks--The Dutch Padua of Poland!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Dutch of Poland! This is really more than I ever aspired to!
[_The_ PADUA COCKS _enter, shaking their plumes._]
THE MAGPIE
The Gold Cock! The Silver Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_In ecstasies of admiration before the flowing plume of the latter._]
With a waterfall on his head!
THE BLACKBIRD
And a suspension bridge!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_No longer conscious of what she is saying._] And a suspension bridge!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To_ PATOU.] Poor Guinea-hen, she will say anything after anybody!
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing in a louder and louder tone ever more extraordinary_
COCKS.] Bagdad Cock!
THE PEACOCK
[_Dominating the tumult._] Consummately Arabian Nights.
THE GUINEA-HEN
Did you hear? Consummately Arabian Nights!
ALL THE HENS
To be sure! Awfully Arabian Nights!
THE PEACOCK
Kamaralzaman himself is hardly more so.
THE MAGPIE
Bantam Cock with ruffles!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Transported._] How eighteenth century this is! Look, oh, look! A
dwarf! A dwarf! Dwarfs! Little cunning bits of dwarfs!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[_Low._] Mamma, do control yourself!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Screaming in the midst of the_ COCKS.] No, no, I can't and won't! That
is Kamaralzaman! I don't really know which I prefer, which I--
THE MAGPIE
Guelder Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Rushing to the newcomer._] This is truly a treat! Another Belgian!
THE MAGPIE
Serpent-necked Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Rattled._] To you, dear Seacock, I owe this Perpentneck!
THE MAGPIE
Duck-sided Cock! Crow-billed Cock! Hawk-footed Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Who has fallen upon the new arrivals, bursts into shrill volubility
before the last of them._] This surpasses all! An albino! Charmed, my
dear sir, honoured, enchanted! Oh, on his head he wears a cheese!
A HEN
So he does, a cheese!--A cream cheese, to be sure! A cream cheese!
ALL THE HENS
A cream cheese!
THE MAGPIE
Crève Coeur Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Rushing to meet him._] Oh, he has horns on his head!
THE PEACOCK
Satanic.
THE MAGPIE
Ptarmigan Cock!
THE PEACOCK
Aesthetic.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Rushing up to him._] Oh, he wears on his head an Assyrian helmet!
THE MAGPIE
White Pile--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Rushing up to him._] He wears on his head--[_Stopping short at sight
of his docked comb._] Nothing whatever. He wears nothing whatever on his
head. How odd it looks!
THE CAT
[_From his apple tree, to the_ BLACKBIRD, _indicating the_ WHITE PILE
GAME-COCK.] There is the champion. The dust conceals a razor on his lean
foot. [_The_ GAME-COCK _disappears among the throng of fancy_ COCKS,
_who are surrounded by a swarm of cackling_ HENS.]
THE MAGPIE
Negro Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Gone quite mad among the multitude of_ COCKS _now filling the
kitchen-garden with their extraordinary head-gear aigrettes, and plumes
and helmets, double and triple combs._] Charmed, honoured,
enchanted--enchanted, honoured, charmed!
PATOU
She has taken leave of her wits!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the empty air._] Charmed, charmed, enchanted, en--
THE MAGPIE
Cock with Supernumerary Toe!--Naked-necked Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Naked?
THE MAGPIE
Necked!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To a_ HEN.] My dear, now we shall see something worth while!
THE MAGPIE
Japanese Cocks--Cock Splendens!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_At sight of this_ COCK _whose tail is eight yards long._] Oh!--In a
swallow tail!
THE MAGPIE
Clump-backed--
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Perceiving that this_ COCK _is absolutely flat at the back._] In a
monkey-jacket!
THE MAGPIE
[_Finishing._]--or Tailless Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Beside herself._] He has nothing whatever behind! This is the crowning
moment of my career! [_To the newcomer, effusively._] Charmed! No
tail! This is--
THE BLACKBIRD
I like his cheek!
THE MAGPIE
[_While more and more heterogeneous_ COCKS _appear._] Cock Walikikili,
called Choki-kukullo! Pseudo-Chinese Cuculicolor!
THE GUINEA-HEN
What a choice gathering!
THE PEACOCK
Kaleidoscopically cosmopolitan.
THE MAGPIE
Blue Java! White Java!
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Losing all shame._] Won't Java cup o' coffee?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Falling upon the_ JAVA COCKS.] Charmed, charmed!
THE MAGPIE
Brahma Cock! Cochin Cock!
THE PEACOCK
[_Proudly._] The great vicious Cocks, representatives of the corrupt
East, the putrescent Orient!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Intoxicated._] Putrescent!
THE PEACOCK
Unwholesome, morbid grace!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ COCHIN COCK.] Charmed! Charmed!--Do notice his obscene eye!
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing wildly, infected with the general delirium._] Chili Cock,
curled hindside fore! Antwerp Cock, curled inside out!
ALL THE HENS
[_Fighting for the newcomers._] Oh, putrescent!--Oh, hindside fore!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Inside out!
THE MAGPIE
Shankless Jumping-cock!
A HEN
[_Fainting with emotion._] I suppose he jumps with his stomach!
THE GUINEA-HEN
An India-rubber Cock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To_ PATOU, _who from his wheelbarrow is looking off into the
distance._] And Chantecler?
PATOU
Will be here soon.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Can you see him?
PATOU
Yes, off there, scratching up the earth. Now he is on his way.
THE MAGPIE
Ghoondook Cock with Umbrella Topknot!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM
Oh!
THE MAGPIE
Iberian Cock with Lint Side Whiskers!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM
Oh!
THE MAGPIE
Cock Bans Backin or Fat Cheek of Thuringia!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM
Oh!
THE MAGPIE
Yankee Cochin of Plymouth Rock!
[_Sudden silence._ CHANTECLER _has appeared at the entrance, just behind
the_ COCK _last announced._]
CHANTECLER
[_To the_ MAGPIE.] Pray simply say, "The Cock!"
SCENE FOURTH
THE SAME, CHANTECLER, _later_ THE PIGEONS, _and_
THE SWAN.
THE MAGPIE
[_After looking_ CHANTECLER _up and down, disdainfully._] The Cock!
CHANTECLER
[_From the threshold, to the_ GUINEA-HEN.] Your pardon Madam,--my humble
duty!--for venturing to present myself in this plumage--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Come in, I pray!
CHANTECLER
I hardly know whether I should. I have a limited number of toes--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Indulgently._] Oh, never mind!
CHANTECLER
I cannot claim to be a Carpathian, and--I hardly know how to conceal it
from you--I have feet!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Oh, let not that distress you!
CHANTECLER
A plain red-pepper comb, an ordinary garlic clove ear--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Of course, of course, we will excuse you. You came in your business suit!
CHANTECLER
Nay, my best! Pardon if my best combines merely the green of all April
with the gold of all October! I stand abashed. I am the Cock, just the
Cock, without further addition. The Cock such as he is still found in
some old-fashioned barnyard. A Cock shaped like a Cock, whose outline
persists in the vane on the steeple-top in the artist's eye, and the
humble toy which a child's hand finds among shavings in a little
wooden box.
AN IRONICAL VOICE
[_From among the group of gorgeous prodigies._] The Gallic Cock, in short?
CHANTECLER
[_Gently, without even turning._] Sure as I am of my aboriginal claim to
this soil, I make no point of assuming the name. But, now you mention
it, I recognise that when one simply says the Cock, that is the Cock
he means!
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Low to_ CHANTECLER.] I have seen your adversary!
CHANTECLER
[_Catching sight of the_ PHEASANT-HEN _approaching._] Be still! She must
know nothing of this!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Coquettishly._] Did you come for the sake of seeing me?
CHANTECLER
[_Bowing._] I am weak, you remember!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Listening to the_ COCHIN-CHINA COCK, _who is talking in an undertone,
thickly surrounded by_ HENS.] That Cock from Cochin China is
simply awful!
CHANTECLER
[_Turning._] Enough!
THE HENS
[_Around the_ COCHIN COCK, _giving little scandalised cries._] Oh!--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Tickled._] Oh, you naughty bird!--He is quite the most improper of our
gallinacea!
CHANTECLER
[_Louder._] Enough!
THE COCHIN-CHINA COCK
[_Stops, and with mocking surprise._] Is it the Gallic Cock objecting?
CHANTECLER
I am not Gallic if you give the word a base or ridiculous meaning. By
Jove! Every Hen here knows whether my trumpet blast belongs to a
soprano! But your perverse attempts to wring blushes from little
baggages in convenient corners outrage my love of Love! It is true that
I care more to retain love's dream than these Cochin-Chinese, who,
courting a giggle, use refinement in coarseness, research in vulgarity;
true that my blood has swifter flow in a less ponderous body, and that I
am not a feathered pig,--but a Cock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Come, come away to the woods,--I love you!
CHANTECLER
[_Looking around him._] Oh, to see a real being appear! Someone simple,
someone--
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] Two Pigeons!
CHANTECLER
[_Drawing a breath of relief._] At last,--pigeons! [_He runs eagerly to
the entrance._]
THE PIGEONS
[_Entering with a series of somersaults._] Hop!
CHANTECLER
[_Falling back in amazement._] What is this?
THE PIGEONS
[_Introducing themselves between two springs._] The Tumblers! English
Clowns!
CHANTECLER
Where am I?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Running after the_ TUMBLERS _who disappear among the throng of
guests._] Hop! Hop!
CHANTECLER
Pigeons turning acrobats!--Oh, the joy of seeing something true,
something unblemished--
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] The Swan!
CHANTECLER
[_Coming forward delighted._] Good! A Swan! [_Shrinking away._] He is
black!
THE BLACK SWAN
[_With swaggering satisfaction._] I have discarded the whiteness while
preserving the outline!
CHANTECLER
The real Swan's shadow does no less! [_Thrusting the_ SWAN _aside to hop
up on a bench whence, through a gap in the hedge, he can see the distant
meadows._] Let me climb up on this bench. I need to make sure that
Nature still exists--though so far away! Ah, yes! The grass is green, a
cow is grazing, a calf sucking--And Heaven be praised, the calf has a
single head! [_Coming down again beside the_ PHEASANT-HEN.]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Oh, come away to the innocent woods, sincere and dewy, where we will
love each other!
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Pointing at_ CHANTECLER _and the_ PHEASANT-HEN, _who are standing
close and talking low._] We are getting on!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Intensely interested._] Do you think so? [_She spreads her wings to
screen them._] Oh, I am so fond of helping along a clandestine
love affair!
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Sticking his bill under the_ GUINEA-HEN'S _wing so as to keep the pair
in sight._] I believe she has thoughts of annexing his comb.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To_ CHANTECLER.] Come, dearest, come away!
CHANTECLER
[_Resisting._] No, I must sing where Destiny placed me. I am useful
here, I am beloved--
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Remembering what she overheard the night before in the farmyard._] Are
you so sure?--Come away to the woods, where we shall hear real pigeons
cooing tenderly to each other!
THE TURKEY
[_At the back._] Ladies, the great Peacock--
THE PEACOCK
[_Modestly._] The Super-peacock--who supervenes, and supersedes--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Will spread his tail for us! He has expressed his amiable willingness so
far to favour us.
[_The company falls into groups of spectators, the outlandish_ COCKS
_forming a wreath around their patron._]
THE PEACOCK
[_Preparing to spread his tail._] I am, by precious natural gift, in
addition to my multifarious accomplishments something of a--shall I say
artist in firework?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Effervescently._] Yes!
THE PEACOCK
No. Pyrotechnist. For the choicest piece in urban gardens, where
Catharine-wheels on festival nights spurt sidereal spray, and rockets
shot into gold-riddled skies fall back in prismatic showers, is less
sapphirine, smaragdine, cuprine--
CHANTECLER
Zounds!
THE PEACOCK
--than, I venture to say, ladies, am I--
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Oh, I understood that last word!
THE PEACOCK
--when I unfurl the union of fan, jewel-case, and screen, upon which I
offer to the self-same sunbeams that redden the reed all the joyous gems
you now may contemplate!
CHANTECLER
What a silly bill!
[_The_ PEACOCK _has spread his tail._]
A COCK
[_To the_ PEACOCK.] Master, which of us will you make the fashion?
THE PADUA COCK
[_Quickly coming forward._] Me! I look like a palm-tree!
A CHINA COCK
[_Pushing the_ PADUA COCK _aside._] I look like a pagoda!
A BIG FEATHER-FOOTED COCK
[_Pushing the_ CHINA COCK _aside._] Me! I have cauliflowers sprouting at
my heels!
CHANTECLER
Each is in one the show and Mr. Barnum!
ALL
[_Parading and filing past the_ PEACOCK.] See my beak! See my feet! See
my feathers!
CHANTECLER
[_Suddenly shouting at them._] Lo! While you hold your costume contest,
a Scarecrow gives you his blessing!
[_Behind them, in fact, the wind has lifted the arms of the_ SCARECROW,
_which loosely wave above the pageant._]
ALL
[_Starting back._] What?
CHANTECLER
Behold this dummy talking to that lay-figure! [_While the wind blows
through the flapping rags._] What say the trousers, dancing their limp
fandango? They say, "We were once the fashion!" And, terror of the
titlark, what says the old hat which a beggar would none of? "I was the
fashion!" And the coat? "I was the fashion!" And the tattered sleeves,
that no one has care to mend, try to clasp the Wind, whom they take for
the Fashion, and drop back empty--The Wind has passed, the Wind is far!
THE PEACOCK
[_To the animals slightly dismayed by this address._] You poor-spirited
creatures, that thing cannot talk!
CHANTECLER
Man says the same of us.
THE PEACOCK
[_To the birds nearest to him._] He is vexed because of those Cocks whom
I introduced. [_To_ CHANTECLER, _ironically._] What, my dear sir, do you
say to these resplendent gentlemen?
CHANTECLER
I say, my dear sir, that these resplendent gentlemen are manufactured
wares, the work of merchants with highly complex brains, who to fashion
a ridiculous Chicken have taken a wing from that one, a topknot from
this. I say that in such Cocks nothing remains of the true Cock. They
are Cocks of shreds and patches, idle bric-a-brac, fit to figure in a
catalogue, not in a barnyard with its decent dunghill and its dog. I say
that those befrizzled, beruffled, bedeviled Cocks were never stroked and
cherished by Nature's maternal hand. I say that it's all Aviculture, and
Aviculture is flapdoodle! And I say that those preposterous parrots,
without style, without beauty, without form, whose bodies have not even
kept the pleasing oval of the egg they were hatched from, look like so
many desperate fowls escaped from some hen-coop of the Apocalypse!
A COCK
My dear sir--
CHANTECLER
[_With rising spirit._] And I add that the whole duty of a Cock is to be
an embodied crimson cry! And when a Cock is not that, it matters little
that his comb be shaped like a toadstool, or his quills twisted like a
screw, he will soon vanish and be heard of no more, having been nothing
but a variety of a variety!
A COCK
I protest--
CHANTECLER
[_Going from one to the other._] Yes, Cocks affecting incongruous forms,
Cocks crowned with cocoa-palm coiffures--Hear me talk like the Peacock!
I lapse into alliteration! [_Finding his fun in bewildering them with
cackling guttural volubility._] Yes, Cockerels cockaded with cockles,
Cockatrice-headed Cockasters, cock-eyed Cockatoos! Not content to be
common Cocks, your crotchet it was to be what but crack Cocks? Yes,
Fashion, to be accounted of thy flock, these chuckle-headed Cocks craved
to be Super-cocks. But know ye not, ye crazy Cocks, one cannot be so
queer a Cock, but there may occur a queerer Cock? Let some Cock come
whose coccyx boasts a more flamboyant shock, and you pass like childish
measles, croup or chicken-pox! Consider that to-morrow, high
Cockalorums, fancy Cocks, consider that day after to-morrow,
cheese-capped goblet-crested Cocks, in spite of curly hackle and
cauliflowered hocks, a more fantastic Cock than ever may creep out of
a--box! For the Cock-fancier, to diversify his stock, may more
fantastically still combine his Cutcutdaycuts and his Cocks, and you
will be no more--sad Cuckoos made a mock!--but old rococo Cocks beside
this more coquettish Cock!
A COCK
And how, may one learn from you, can a Cock secure himself against
becoming rococo?
CHANTECLER
One royal way there is: to think only of crowing like a right and proper
Cock!
A COCK
[_Haughtily._] We are well known, I beg to state, for our exceptionally
fine crowing!
CHANTECLER
Known to whom?
SCENE FIFTH
THE SAME, _three_ CHICKENS, _noticeable among the rest for a certain
jaunty pertness of gait and demeanour, who for a minute or so have been
moving among the artificial_ COCKS.
FIRST CHICKEN
To us, of course!
SECOND CHICKEN
To us!
THIRD CHICKEN
To us!
ALL THREE
[_Bowing at once._] Good morning!
FIRST CHICKEN
Your voice?
SECOND CHICKEN
Tenor?
THIRD CHICKEN
Bass?
SECOND CHICKEN
Robusto?
THIRD CHICKEN
Di cortesia?
CHANTECLER
[_Bewildered, looking toward the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] What is this? An
interlude?
THE PHEASANT-HEN
An interview.
SECOND CHICKEN
Do you take it in your chest?
THIRD CHICKEN
Or in your head?
CHANTECLER
Do I take what?
FIRST CHICKEN
Pray talk without reserve. We represent the Board of Investigation into
the Gallodoodle Movement.
CHANTECLER
That's all very well, but I--[_Attempting to pass._]
FIRST CHICKEN
You will find it difficult, I think, to leave, until you have answered
such questions as we are pleased to ask. Is your early meal a light one?
CHANTECLER
But--
SECOND CHICKEN
You have tendencies, no doubt--
CHANTECLER
Hosts.
SECOND CHICKEN
What do you feel most particularly drawn to?
CHANTECLER
Hens.
FIRST CHICKEN
[_Without smiling._] Have you nothing to communicate with regard to your
song?
CHANTECLER
I just sing.
SECOND CHICKEN
And when you sing--?
CHANTECLER
The heavens hear me.
THIRD CHICKEN
Have you a special method?
CHANTECLER
I--
FIRST CHICKEN
You live--
CHANTECLER
To sing!
SECOND CHICKEN
And your song--?
CHANTECLER
Is my life!
THIRD CHICKEN
But how do you sing?
CHANTECLER
I take pains.
FIRST CHICKEN
But do you scan [_Beating furiously with his wing._] one-one-two
One-three? Three-one? Or four? What is your dynamic theory?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Shouting._] Who has not his little pet dynamic theory?
CHANTECLER
Dyna--?
SECOND CHICKEN
Where do you place the accent? On the Cock--?
THIRD CHICKEN
On the Doo?
CHANTECLER
On the--
FIRST CHICKEN
[_Impatiently._] What is your school?
CHANTECLER
Schools of Cocks?
SECOND CHICKEN
[_Rapidly._] Certainly. Some sing Cock-a-doodle-doo, and some
Keek-a-deedle-dee!
CHANTECLER
Cock--? Keek--?
THIRD CHICKEN
Not to speak of those who--
A COCK
[_Coming forward._] The correct and proper way to crow is
Cowkerdowdledow!
CHANTECLER
What Cock is that?
FIRST CHICKEN
An Anglo-Indian.
SECOND CHICKEN
And the Turk over there, whose comb suggests a cyst, crows
Coocooroocoocoo!
THIRD CHICKEN
[_Shouting in his ear._] Do you not upon occasions vary your
Cockadoodledoo with Cackadaddledaa?
ANOTHER COCK
[_Springing up at the right._] I, for one, entirely suppress the vowels:
C-ck-d-dl-d!
CHANTECLER
[_Trying to get away._] Is it a Welsh Rabbit dream?
ANOTHER COCK
[_Springing up at the left._] O-a-oo-e-oo! Have you ever tried
suppressing the consonants?
ANOTHER COCK
[_Pushing aside all the others._] I mix the whole thing
up--Cuck-o-deedle-daa!--in a free and supple song!
CHANTECLER
My brain reels!
ALL THE COCKS
[_Gathered about him, fighting._] No! Cuckodee--No, Cackadaa--No,
Coocooroo--
THE COCK
[_Who mixes all up._] The free Cockadoodle! The free crow is obligatory!
CHANTECLER
Pray, who is that, speaking with such authority?
FIRST CHICKEN
It is a wonderful Cock who has never sung at all.
CHANTECLER
[_In humble despair._] And I am only a Cock who sings!
EVERYBODY
[_Drawing away from him in disgust._] I wouldn't mention it if I were
you!
CHANTECLER
I give my song as the rose-tree gives its Rose!
THE PEACOCK
[_Sarcastically._] Ah, I was waiting for the Rose! [_Pitying laughter._]
CHANTECLER
[_Low, nervously, to the_ BLACKBIRD.] Is my prospective slayer going to
keep me waiting much longer?
EVERYONE
[_Disgusted._] The Rose? Oh!
THE GUINEA-HEN
If you must mention flowers, let them be rather less--
THE PEACOCK
Elementary. [_With the most disdainful impertinence._] So you are still
at the declension of _Rosa?_
CHANTECLER
I am, you--Peacock! You, I suppose, may be forgiven for speaking
slightingly of the Rose, being a rival candidate for the beauty prize.
[_Looking around him._] But I summon these Cocks, from Dorking to
Bantam, to defend with me--
A COCK
[_Nonchalantly._] Pray whom?
CHANTECLER
The Rose, _Rosam;_ to declare on the spot and forthwith--
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Ironically._] You set yourself up as the champion--
CHANTECLER
_Rosarum,_ of roses, I do!--To declare that worship
is due--
A COCK
To whom, pray?
CHANTECLER
To roses, _rosis!_--in whose hearts sleep rain-drops like essences in
fragrant vials, to declare that they are, and ever will be--
A VOICE
[_Cold and cutting._] Painted jades, things of naught! [_All the fancy_
COCKS _draw aside, revealing the_ WHITE PILE GAME COCK, _who appears,
tall and lean and sinister at the further end of their double row._]
CHANTECLER
At last!
THE BLACKBIRD
It's time to climb up on the chairs!
CHANTECLER
[_To the_ WHITE PILE.] Sir--
THE PHEASANT-HEN
You are never going to challenge that giant?
CHANTECLER
I am! To appear tall it is sufficient to talk on stilts! [_To the_ GAME
COCK, _slowly crossing the stage toward him._] Know that such a remark
is not to be endured, and permit me to tell you--[_Finding a_ CHICK
_between himself and the_ GAME COCK, _he gently puts him aside, saying_]
Run to your mother, tot! [_To the_ WHITE PILE, _looking insolently at
his docked comb_]--that you look like a Fool who has mislaid
his coxcomb!
THE WHITE PILE
[_Astonished._] Fool? Coxcomb? What? What? What?
CHANTECLER
[_Beak to beak with the_ GAME COCK.] What? What? What? [_A pause. They
arch themselves, with bristling neck-hackle._]
THE WHITE PILE
[_Emphatically._] In America, during my grand tour, I killed three
Claybornes in a day. I have killed two Sherwoods, three Smoks, and one
Sumatra. I have killed--let me advise anyone fighting me to take
something beforehand to keep down his pulse!--three Red-game at
Cambridge and ten Braekels at Bruges!
CHANTECLER
[_Very simply._] I, my dear sir, have never killed anything. But as I
have at different times succored, defended, protected, this one and
that, I might perhaps be called, in my own fashion, brave. You need not
take these mighty airs with me. I came here knowing that you would come.
That rose was dangled to afford you the opportunity for brutal
stupidity. You did not fail to nibble at its petals. Your name?
THE GAME COCK
White Pile. And yours?
CHANTECLER
Chantecler.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Running desperately to the_ DOG.] Patou!
CHANTECLER
[_To_ PATOU, _who is growling between his teeth._] You, keep out of this!
PATOU
So I will, but it's rrrrrrrough!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To_ CHANTECLER.] A Cock does not risk his life for a Rose!
CHANTECLER
A slur upon a flower is a slur upon the Sun!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Running to the_ BLACKBIRD.] Do something! This must be patched up--You
know you had promised me!
THE BLACKBIRD
Everything can be patched up, my dear, except the quarrels of a fellow's
friends!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Giving loud cries of despair._] Horrible! Oh, horrible A five-o'clock
tea at which guests kill each other! How dreadful--[_To her son._] that
the Tortoise should not have got here yet!
A VOICE
[_Crying._] Chantecler, ten against one!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Seating her company, assisting the_ HENS _to climb upon flower-pots,
cold-frames, pumpkins._] Quick! quick!
THE BLACKBIRD
Our charming hostess is in great feather, doing the honours of an affair
of honour.
PATOU
[_To_ CHANTECLER.] Go in and thrash him. This crowd is longing for the
sight of your blood.
CHANTECLER
[_Sadly._] I was never anything but kind!
PATOU
[_Showing the ring which has formed, the faces lighted with hateful
eagerness._] Look at them! [_All necks are craned, all eyes shine; it is
hideous._ CHANTECLER _looks, understands, and bows his head._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_With a cry of rage._] It's a disgrace! A disgrace to the name of fowl!
CHANTECLER
[_Raising his head again._] So be it. But they shall at least learn
to-day who I was, and my secret--
PATOU
No, don't tell them, if it's what my old dreamer's heart has apprehended!
CHANTECLER
[_Addressing the multitude, in a loud voice, solemnly, like one
confessing his faith._] Know, all of you, that it is I--[_Deep silence
falls. To the_ WHITE PILE, _who has given a sign of impatience._] Your
pardon, excellent duellist, but I have a mind, before getting myself
killed, to do something brave--
THE WHITE PILE
[_Surprised._] Ah?
CHANTECLER
Yes,--get myself laughed at!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
No, dearest, no! Don't do it!
CHANTECLER
I wish to perish amid salvos of laughter! [_To the crowd._] Riot, spirit
of Mockery! Disciples of the Blackbird, prepare! [_In a still louder
voice, hammering home every word._] It is I, who, by my song, bring back
the light of day! [_Amazement, then vast laughter shakes the
multitude._] Is the merriment well under way? On guard!
THE GOLDEN PADUA COCK
[_Nodding his plume._] Gentlemen, engage!
VOICES
[_Amid storms of laughter._] Funny! Side-splitting! Was anything ever so
droll? I shall die laughing!
THE BLACKBIRD
The old Gallic love of a joke is not dead!
A CHICKEN
He sings light into the sky!
A DUCK
The Sun gets up to hear him!
CHANTECLER
[_Avoiding the blows which the_ WHITE PILE _is beginning to aim at
him._] Yes, it is I who give you back the Day!
A CHICK
And a jolly fine day it is!
CHANTECLER
[_While parrying and attacking._] The crowing of other Cocks, able
neither to make nor mar, is no better nor worse than sonorous sneezing!
Mine--[_He is wounded._]
A VOICE
Biff! In the neck!
CHANTECLER
--mine makes--[_He is again wounded._]
THE TURKEY
Insufferable self-sufficiency!
CHANTECLER
--the light--[_Again he is struck._]
A VOICE
Biff! On the neb!
CHANTECLER
--the light appear!
A VOICE
Biff! In the eye!
CHANTECLER
[_Blinded with blood._] Yes, the light!
A VOICE
[_Sneering._] Better have let sleeping darkness lie!
CHANTECLER
[_Automatically repeating beneath his adversary's blows._] It is I who
make the dawn appear!
PATOU
[_Barking._] Aye! Aye! Aye!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Sobbing._] Stand up to him, darling! Oh, hit back! Hit back!
A CHICK
Fellows, a nickname for the dawn!
ALL
Yes! Yes!
[_The_ WHITE PILE _hurls himself upon_ CHANTECLER.]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Oh, cruel!
THE BLACKBIRD
Chantecler's Light o' Love!
A VOICE
A nickname for the Cock!
ALL
Yes! Yes!
THE BLACKBIRD
Grand Master of Illuminations!
ANOTHER VOICE
Purveyor of Sunny Beams!
CHANTECLER
[_Defending himself foot to foot._] Thanks! Another quip, for I can
still fight with my feet!
A VOICE
The Alarm-Cock!
CHANTECLER
[_Who seems upheld by their insults._] Another pun! And I who know no
more of fighting than can be learned on a peaceful farm--
A VOICE
Thresh out his hayseed!
CHANTECLER
Thanks! I--[_His torn feathers fly around him._]
CRY OF JOY
See his fur fly!
CHANTECLER
I feel--Another pleasantry!
A VOICE
Lay on, Macfluff!
CHANTECLER
Thanks! I feel that the more I am mocked, insulted, flouted, and denied--
AN ASS
[_Stretching his neck over the hedge._] Hee-haw!
CHANTECLER
Thanks!--the better I shall fight!
THE WHITE PILE
[_Chuckling._] He is game, but he's giving out.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Enough. Enough. Oh, stop!
A VOICE
On White Pile, twenty to one!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Seeing_ CHANTECLER'S _bleeding neck._] He bleeds, oh!
A HEN
[_Rising on tiptoe behind the_ GOLDEN PADUA COCK.] I should like to see
the blood!
THE WHITE PILE
[_Increasing the fury of his onset._] I'll have your gizzard!
THE HEN
[_Trying to see._] The Padua Cock's hat shuts off my view!
THE BLACKBIRD
Hats off!
A VOICE
That was a stinger! On his comb!
SHRILL CRIES
[_From the crowd._] Land him one! Do him up! Lay him out! Have his gore!
PATOU
[_Standing up in his wheelbarrow._] Will you stop behaving like human
beings?
CRIES
[_Furiously keeping time with the blows showering upon_ CHANTECLER.] In
the neck! On the nut! On the wing! On the--[_Sudden silence._]
CHANTECLER
[_Amazed._] What is this? The ring breaks up, the shouting dies--[_He
looks around. The_ WHITE PILE _has drawn away and backed against the
hedge. A strange commotion agitates the crowd._ CHANTECLER, _exhausted,
bleeding, tottering, does not understand, and murmurs._] What joke are
they preparing against my end? [_And suddenly._] Joy, Patou, joy!
PATOU
What?
CHANTECLER
I have done them an injustice. All of them, ceasing to insult and mock
me, look, gather round me, closer and closer--look!
PATOU
[_Seeing them all, in fact, crowding around_ CHANTECLER, _and gazing
anxiously at the sky, looks up too, and says simply._] It is the hawk!
CHANTECLER
Ah! [_A dark shadow slowly sweeps over the motley crowd, who crouch and
cower._]
PATOU
When that great shadow falls, it is not the fine, strange Cocks we trust
to keep off the bird of prey!
CHANTECLER
[_Suddenly grown great of size, his wounds forgotten, stands in the
midst of them, and in an authoritative tone._] Yes, close around me, all
of you, all! [_All, huddled in their feathers, their heads drawn in
between their wings, press against him._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Dear, brave, and gentle heart!
CHANTECLER
[_The shadow sweeps over the crowd a second time. The_ GAME COCK _makes
himself small._ CHANTECLER _alone remains standing, in the midst of a
heap of ruffled, trembling feathers._]
A HEN
[_Looking up at the_ HAWK.] Twice the black shadow has swept over us!
CHANTECLER
[_Calling to the_ CHICKS, _who come madly running._] Chicks, come here
to me!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
You take them under your wing?
CHANTECLER
I must. Their mother is a box!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Looking upward._] He hovers over us--[_The shadow of the_ HAWK,
_circling lower and lower, passes for the third time, darker
than ever._]
ALL
[_In a moan of fear._] Ah!
CHANTECLER
[_Shouting toward the sky._] I am here!
PATOU
He has heard your trumpet cry!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
He flies further.
[_All rise with a joyous cry of deliverance, "Ah!" and go back to their
places to watch the end of the combat._]
PATOU
Without loss of a moment they form the ring again.
CHANTECLER
[_With a start._] What did you say? [_He looks. It is true, the ring has
immediately formed._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Now they want you killed to be revenged for their fine scare.
CHANTECLER
But now I shall not be killed! I felt my strength come back when the
common enemy flew across the sky. [_Striding boldly up to the_ WHITE
PILE.] I got back my courage, fearing for the others.
THE WHITE PILE
[_Amazed at being smartly attacked._] Whence has he drawn new strength?
CHANTECLER
I am thrice stronger now than you. Black excites me, you see, as red
excites the bull, and thrice I have stared at night in the form of a
bird's shadow!
THE WHITE PILE
[_Driven to bay, against the hedge, prepares to use his razors._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Screaming._] Look out! He has two sharp razors at his heels, the beast!
CHANTECLER
I knew it!
THE CAT
[_From his tree, to the_ GAME COCK.] Use your knives!
PATOU
[_Ready to spring from his wheelbarrow._] If he uses those, I'll
strangle him, that's all!
THE CROWD
Oh!
PATOU
I will! Howl you never so loud!
THE WHITE PILE
[_Feeling himself lost._] No help for it!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Closely watching him._] He is getting one of his razors ready!
THE WHITE PILE
[_Striking with his sharp spur._] Take that! Die! [_He utters a terrible
cry, while_ CHANTECLER, _avoiding the blow, springs aside._] Ah! [_He
drops to the ground. Cry of amazement._]
SEVERAL VOICES
What is it?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Who has hopped up to the fallen_ COCK _and examined him._] Nothing!
Merely he has dexterously slashed his left claw with his right!
THE CROWD
[_Following and hooting the_ WHITE PILE, _who, having picked himself up,
limps off._] Hoo! Hoo!
PATOU _and the_ PHEASANT-HEN
[_Laughing and weeping and talking, all in one, beside_ CHANTECLER,
_who stands motionless, utterly spent, with closed eyes._] Chantecler!
It is we! The Pheasant-hen! The Dog! Speak to us, speak!
CHANTECLER
[_Opening his eyes, looks at them and says gently._] The day will rise
to-morrow!
SCENE SIXTH
THE SAME, _except the_ WHITE PILE
THE CROWD
[_After seeing the_ WHITE PILE _off, return tumultuously to_ CHANTECLER,
_hailing him with acclamations._] Hurrah!
CHANTECLER
[_Drawing away from them, in a terrible voice._] Stand back! I know your
worth! [_The crowd hastily draws back._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Close by his side._] Come away to the woods, where true-hearted
animals live!
CHANTECLER
No, I will stay here.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
After finding them out?
CHANTECLER
After finding them out.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
You will stay here?
CHANTECLER
Not for their sakes, but the sake of my song. It might spring forth less
clear from any other soil! But now, to inform the Day that it is sure to
be called tomorrow I will sing! [_Obsequious movement of the crowd,
attempting to approach._] Back! All of you! I have nothing left but my
song! [ALL _draw away, and alone in his pride, he begins._] Co--[_To
himself, stiffening himself against pain._] Nothing left but my song,
therefore let us sing well! [_He tries again._] Co--Now, I wonder,
shall I take it as a chest-note, or--Co--a head-note? Shall I count
one-three, or--Co--And the accent? Since they filled my head with all
that sort of thing, I--Coocooroo--Keekee-ree--And the theory? The
dynamic theory? Cock-a--I am all tangled up in schools and rules and
rubbish! If he reduced his flight to a theory, what eagle would ever
soar? Co--[_Trying again, and ending in a raucous, abortive crow._]
Co--I cannot sing any more, I, whose method was not to know how, but be
quite certain why! [_In a cry, of despair._] I have nothing left! They
have taken everything from me, my song and everything else. How shall I
get it back?
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Opening her wings._] Come away to the woods!
CHANTECLER
[_Falling upon her breast._] I love you!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
To the woods, where the simple birds sing their sweet unconscious songs!
CHANTECLER
Let us go! [_Both go toward the back._ CHANTECLER _turning._] But there
is one thing I wish to say--
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Trying to lead him away._] Come to the woods!
CHANTECLER
--to all the Guineahennery gathered beneath these arbors. Let the
garden--the Bees agree with me, I fancy!--let the garden work untroubled
at changing its blossoms into fruit--
BUZZING OF BEES
_We agree--ee--ee_!
CHANTECLER
Nothing good is ever accomplished in the midst of noise. Noise prevents
the bough--
BUZZING
[_Further off._]
_So say we--e--e! we--e--e_!
CHANTECLER
--from bringing its apple to perfection, prevents the grape--
BUZZING
[_Dying away among the foliage._] _So say we--e--e_!
CHANTECLER
--from ripening on the vine. [_Going toward the back with the_
PHEASANT-HEN.] Let us go! [_Turning and coming again angrily toward the
front._] But I wish furthermore to say to these H--[_The_ PHEASANT-HEN
_lays her wing across his beak._]--ens that those unnatural Cocks will
lightly take themselves away, back to the gilded mangers of their sole
affection, the moment they hear the cry of Chick-chick-chick-chick-chick!
[_Imitating a servant girl calling_ CHICKENS _to feed._] For all those
charlatans are stalking appetites, and nothing more!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Trying to lead him off._] Come! Come!
A HEN
She is eloping with him.
CHANTECLER
I am coming! But--[_Coming forward again._] I must first say to this
Peacock, in the presence of that Addlepate--[_Indicating the_
GUINEA-HEN.]
THE GUINEA-HEN
He insults me in my own house. Sensational!
CHANTECLER
False hero whom Fashion has taken for leader, you walk in such terror of
appearing behindhand to the eyes of your own tail that your throat is
blue with it! But, urged forward, on and on, by every staring eye upon
it, you will fall at last, breathless for good and all, and end in the
false immortality bestowed, false artist, by the--[_Imitating the manner
of the_ PEACOCK.] shall I say bird-stuffer?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Mechanically._] Yes!
CHANTECLER
No. Taxidermist,--to use the word you would prefer. That, my dear
Peacock, is what I wished to say.
THE BLACKBIRD
Bang!
CHANTECLER
[_Turning toward him._] As for you--
THE BLACKBIRD
Fire away!
CHANTECLER
I will! You became acquainted one grey morning with a city sparrow, did
you not tell us so? That was your ruin. You have been possessed ever
since with the desire to appear like one yourself.
THE BLACKBIRD
But--
CHANTECLER
From that hour, unresting, acting the sparrow night and day, the sparrow
even in sleep, self-condemned to play the sparrow without respite, you
have appeared--famous jay!
THE BLACKBIRD
But--
CHANTECLER
Pathetic effort of a country birdkin, twisting his thick bill to talk
with a city accent! Ah, you wish to bite off bits of slang? My friend,
they are green! Every grape you pick breaks in your jaws, for city
grapes are glass bubbles! Having taken from the sparrow only his make-up
and grimace, you are just a clumsy understudy, a sort of vice-buffoon!
And you serve up stale old cynicisms picked up with crumbs in
fashionable club-rooms, poor little bird, and think to astonish us with
your budget of scandalous news--
THE BLACKBIRD
But--
CHANTECLER
I have not exhausted my ammunition! You wish to imitate the sparrow? But
the sparrow does not, slyly and meanly mischievous, make a cult of
sprightliness is not funny with authority, is not the pedant of
flippancy! You percher among low bushes, who never care to fly, you wish
to imitate--[_Turning to one of the exotic_ COCKS _cackling behind
him._] Silence, Cock of Japan! or I shall spoil a picture!
THE JAPANESE COCK
[_Hurriedly._] I beg your pardon!
CHANTECLER
[_Continuing to the_ BLACKBIRD.] You wish to imitate the sparrow, who,
rising on light wing, underlines his words with a telegraph wire! Very
well, I hate to grieve you, but--you know I can hear the sparrows when
they come to steal my corn!--you are not in it, you do not pull it off.
Your lingo is a fake!
THE BLACKBIRD
A--?
CHANTECLER
And your performance is a shine!
THE BLACKBIRD
He can talk slang?
CHANTECLER
I can talk anything!--It's the Paris article made in Germany!
THE BLACKBIRD
But--
CHANTECLER
Fire away, I think you said. I hope you don't mind my air-gun?
THE BLACKBIRD
I--
CHANTECLER
The Grand Master of Illuminations is entirely at your service. What do
you say?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Hastily._] Nothing! [_He tries to get away._]
CHANTECLER
You wish to ape the sparrow of city streets! But his impudence is not a
manner of prudence, an art of remaining vague, an elegant method of
having no opinion. His eyes always express either wrath or delight. Do
you care to know the secret by which the little beggar, with his
"Chappie" and his "See" can steal away our hearts? It is that he is
frank and fearless that he believes, that he loves, that the railings of
a balcony where some child strews crumbs for him are the only cage he
ever knew! It is that one can be sure of his gaiety of soul, since he is
gay when he is hungry! But you who, void of gaiety because void of love,
have imagined that evil wit can take the place of good humour, and that
one can play the sparrow when he is a sleek and vulgar trimmer,
sniggering behind his wing, what I say to you is, "Guess again,
Mock-sparrow, guess again!"
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Always applauding everything that is said at her receptions._] Good!
That was extremely good!
A CHICKEN
[_To the crestfallen_ BLACKBIRD.] You will make him smart for this?
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Prudently._] No. I will take it out on the Turkey. [_At this point a_
VOICE _calls, "Chick-chick-chick-chick-chick!" and all the_ FANCY COCKS,
_rushing toward the irresistible call to food, hurry out, tumbling over
one another in their haste._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Running after them._] Are you going?
A PADUA COCK
[_The last to leave._] I beg to be excused! [_Disappears._]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_In the midst of the hubbub._] Are you going? Must you go? Oh, don't go
yet!
CHANTECLER
[_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Come, my golden Pheasant!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Running to_ CHANTECLER.] Are you running away?
CHANTECLER
To save my song!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Running to the_ YOUNG GUINEA-COCK.] My son, I am in such a state--I am
in such--
A HEN
[_Calling after_ CHANTECLER.] And when shall we see you again?
CHANTECLER
[_Before going._] When you have grown teeth! [_Off with the_
PHEASANT-HEN.]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ YOUNG GUINEA-COCK.] This has been quite the finest affair of
the season! [_Darting madly about among the departing guests._] Au
revoir! Mondays in August! Don't forget!
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] The Tortoise!
