CLEBS THE DROLL AND HIS WIFE AND HER
FOUR LOVERS.
There lived at the Court of a certain King a man wherewith he was
wont to jest and this droll was unmated. So one day of the days
the Sultan said to him, "O Man, thou art a bachelor, so suffer us
to marry thee," and said the buffoon, "No, O King of the Age;
allow me to remain in single blessedness, for in womankind there
is no rest and they work many a wile, and indeed I fear lest
haply we fall upon one who shall be of the fornicatresses, the
adulteresses." Quoth the King, "There is no help but that thou
wed;" and quoth the Droll, "'Tis well, O King of the Age."
Hereupon the Sultan sent to summon the Wazir and bade him betroth
the man to a woman of righteous conduct and come of decent folk.
Now the Minister had with him an old nurse, and he commanded her
to find a match for the Sultan's Jester; whereupon she rose and
went out from him and engaged for the man a beautiful woman. And
presently the marriage-tie was tied between these twain and he
went in unto the bride and she tarried with him a while of time
even half a year or may be seven months. Now one day of the days
the King's Jester went forth his house ere the dawn-prayer had
been called on some business for the Sultan, intending to return
before rise of sun. Such was the case with him; but as regards
his wife, she had known when yet unmarried four men who to her
were the liefest of her companions and who, during the earlier
days of her wedding, had not been able to possess her. However,
on the morning when her husband fared forth from her before the
call to dawn-prayers, each and every of these four favoured
lovers made up their minds to visit their playmate. Now one of
them was a Pieman[FN#409] and the second was an
Herbalist[FN#410], the third was a Flesher and the fourth was the
Shaykh of the Pipers[FN#411]. When the Droll went forth from his
wife behold, the Pieman came and rapped at the door, whereat she
opened to him and said, "Thou hast come betimes," and said he, "I
have minced the meat and I desired to work it up when I found
that the hour was too early and that no one was in the market. So
I said to myself, 'Up with thee and go to Such-and-such a woman'"
"'Tis well," quoth she; but when they desired to make merry
together, of a sudden the door was knocked; so quoth he to her,
"Who is this?" and quoth she to him, "I know not, but do thou hie
and hide thee in yonder closet." He did her bidding, whereupon
she went forth and threw open the door when behold, it was the
Herbalist and she said to him, "This is a time betimes." Said he,
"By Allah, I was nighting in the garden and I have brought these
sweet-scented herbs, and as the hour was over-early I said to
myself, 'Go thou to Such-and-such a woman and make merry, thou
and she, for a wee.'" So she let him in; but hardly had he
settled himself in his seat when suddenly the door was again
rapped and he asked her, "Who is this?" and she answered, "I know
not, but do thou hie and hide thee in yonder closet." So he went
in and found the Pieman there seated and said to him, "What thing
mayest thou be?"[FN#412] and said the other, "I and thou are each
like other." Meanwhile the woman had gone forth and opened the
door when behold, she was met by the Flesher whom she led within
and then said to him, "This is a time betimes." Quoth he, "By
Allah, I arose from sleep and slaughtered a ram[FN#413] and
prepared the flesh for selling when I found that the hour was
over-early and said I to myself, 'Take thee a piece of mutton
flesh and go thou in to a certain person and enjoy yourselves,
thou and she, until the Bazar shall have opened.'" But hardly had
he taken seat when came a fourth knock at the door and as he
heard this he was wonderstruck; so she said to him, "Fear not,
but hie thee and hide thee within yonder closet." Accordingly he
went in and found the Pieman and the Herbalist there sitting and
he salam'd to the twain who returned his salute; then he asked
them, "What hath brought you hither?" and they answered, "That
which brought us brought also thee." He took seat with them while
the woman went and threw open the door and behold, she was met by
her friend the Shaykh of the Pipers belonging to the Sultan, so
she brought him in and said to him, "Indeed thy time is betimes."
Said he, "Walláhi, I went forth my home intending to fare and
prepare the band[FN#414] in the Royal Palace when I found the
hour was over-early, so said I to myself, 'Hie thee to a certain
person and make ye merry, thou and she, until the sun shall rise
and thou art bound to wend palace- wards.'" "'Tis well," quoth
she and seated him and designed to take seat beside him when
behold, came a rap at the door and he cried, "Who is that?" and
she replied, "Allah only is Omniscient, but haply 'tis my
husband." So he was startled and afeard, and when she whispered
to him, "Up and enter yon closet," he did her bidding and found a
facing him therein the Pieman and the Herbalist and the Flesher
to whom he said, "Peace be upon you," and when they returned his
greeting he asked them, "Ye, who brought you?" They answered him
saying, "That which brought us also brought thee." After this he
sat beside them and the four remained seated in the closet and
huddled together, whilst each addressed himself saying, "What now
wilt thou do?" Meanwhile the woman suddenly went forth and opened
the door when behold, it was her mate the Droll who walked in and
took seat; whereupon she asked him, "And thou, why hast thou come
at such an hour? 'tis not often thy wont to return early from the
King's presence. Haply thou art unwell, for thy custom is not to
appear until near supper-tide and now thou hast forestalled our
meeting-time and hast returned a-morn. I suspect that he hath
bespoken thee concerning some matter of urgent matters that thou
comest home at this hour; but haply thou wilt finish off such
business and hie thee back to the Sultan." Quoth he, "By Allah, O
Woman, when I fared forth hence and went to the King I found that
he had many and important affairs to settle, so he said, 'Hie
thee to thy home and abide therein nor return to me till after
the third day.'"--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day
and fell silent, and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth
her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O
sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And
where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the
coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was
the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Fifty-eighth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be
other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale, that we may cut short
the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love
and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the
director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting
and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the
King's Jester went in to his wife she said, "Thou, wherefore hast
thou come so early?" and said he, "By Allah, the Sultan hath much
and important business and said to me, 'Hie thee home, and tarry
there and return not to me save after the third day.'" Now when
the four men who were closeted together heard these words they
were perplext as to their affair, and said one to other, "What
shall we do? Indeed we are unable to sit out three days in this
stead." Hereupon the Pieman said to them, "Nay, rather let us
play a prank whereby we may escape," and said they, "What may be
the device thou wouldest devise?" Quoth he, "Whatso I do that do
ye look upon and then act in like guise," and so speaking he
arose and taking his minced meat fell to sticking it upon his
skin until he was like a leper covered with sores.[FN#415] Then
he went forth the closet to the husband of the mistress, and
cried, "The Peace be upon you!" The man returned his salute and
asked him, "What art thou?" to which he made answer "I am the
Prophet Job the Ulcered, where is the way out of this?" "Here,"
cried the Jester, upon which Job passed out of the door and went
about his business and on such wise made his escape. Next the
Herbalist stood up and opening his basket brought out fragrant
herbs and fell to scattering them over his sconce and about it
and over his ears,[FN#416] till such time as all his face was
hidden in greens, after which he also went out and accosting the
house-master said, "The Peace be upon you!" And when the man
returned the salam he asked him, "Hath Job the Ulcered passed by
thee on this path?" "Indeed he hath," said the other; "but what
mayst thou be?" "I am Al-Khizr, the Green Prophet" (upon whom be
The Peace),[FN#417] and so saying he brushed by the Droll and
passed through the door. Now when the second lover had gone forth
and escaped, the Flesher arose and donning the ram's skin set its
horns upon his head and began crawling out of the closet upon all
fours, hands and knees, until he stood before the husband of his
beloved, and said to him, "The Peace be upon you!" "And upon you
be The Peace," returned the other, "What mayst thou be?" "I am
Iskandar, Lord of the Two Horns," cried the other; "say me, have
there passed by thee Job the Ulcered and Al-Khizr the Green
Prophet (upon whom be The Peace)?" Quoth the house-master, "They
went by this place and forewent thee." So the third lover passed
through the doorway and escaped, and presently the Shaykh of the
Pipers rose to his feet and applying the mouthpiece of his pipe
to his lips went up to his mistress's mate and said, "The Peace
be upon you!" and on the man returning his salam, asked him,
"Hath it so happened that Job the Ulcered and Al Khizr the Green
Prophet and Iskandar Lord of the Two Horns passed this way?"
"They have," answered the other, "What art thou?" Cried he, "I am
Israfil,[FN#418] and 'tis my design forthright to blow the Last
Trump." Hereupon the Droll straightway arose and laid hands upon
him crying, "Yállah, Yállah,[FN#419] O my brother, blow not at
all until we shall have gone, I and thou, to the Sultan." So
saying he took him by the hand and fared forth with him and
ceased not faring until he had carried him into the presence,
when the King asked, "Wherefore hast thou arrested this man?"
Answered he, "O King of the Age, this is our Lord Israfil and
'twas his intent to blow the Last Trump, so I forbade him
therefrom until such time as I had brought him for thee to look
upon, lest haply he might so have done without thy knowledge, and
said I to myself, 'By Allah, better set him before the Sultan ere
he sound his Trumpet.' Furthermore I do pray for thy welfare, O
King of the Age, inasmuch as thou hast married me to this dame
because I had fear of her lest she company with strange men. But
I found her a saintly woman who admitted none of mankind save
that to-day when I went forth from thee at morning-tide I turned
me homewards and going into my house caught with her three
Prophets and one Archangel and this is he who intended to blow
the Last Trump." Hereupon quoth the Sultan to him, "O Man, art
thou Jinn mad? How canst thou have found with thy spouse any of
the Prophets as thou sayest?" And quoth he, "By Allah, O King of
the Age, whatso hath befallen me that I have reported to thee nor
have I hidden from thee aught." The King asked, "Which was he of
the Prophets thou foundest beside thy wife?" and he answered,
"The Prophet Job (on whom be The Peace) and after him came forth
to me from a closet the Prophet Al-Khizr (on whom be the Peace!),
and after him Iskandar Lord of the Two Horns (on whom be the
Peace!) and lastly this the fourth is the Archangel Israfil." The
Sultan marvelled at his words, and exclaimed, "Laud to the Lord!
Verily this man whom thou entitlest Israfil is naught but the
Shaykh of my Pipers." "I wist naught, O King of the Age," said
the other, "but I have related to thee what hath occurred and
what I beheld and eyewitnessed." Hereupon the Sultan understood
that the wife had friends who forgathered with her, and who had
served her husband with such sleight, so he said to the musician,
"O man, unless thou tell me truly what happened I will cut off
thy head." Thereupon the Shaykh of the Pipers arose, and kissing
ground before the Sultan, said to him, "O King of the Age, give
me promise of immunity and I will relate to thee all that befel."
Quoth the King, "'Tis upon condition that thou tell no lies;" and
quoth the other, "O King of the Age, verily, I will shun
leasing."[FN#420] So the King gave him a pledge of safety, and
the Shaykh described everything that had been done and kept
nothing back, and when the King heard the story and the trick
which had been wrought by the woman's friends he marvelled
thereat and cried, "Allah kill all womankind,[FN#421] the
fornicatresses, the adulteresses, the traitresses!" After which
he despatched a posse of the Chamberlains to bring into his
presence the four persons.--And Shahrazad was surprised by the
dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say.
Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister
mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is
this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night
an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night
and that was
The Seven Hundred and Sixtieth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be
other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short
the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love
and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the
director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting
and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the King
despatched a posse of his Chamberlains to bring into his presence
the four persons who were lovers to the Droll's wife, and he
found the first to be a Pieman who had claimed the rank of our
lord Job (on whom be The Peace!), and the second to be a
Market-Gardener who sold savoury herbs and all manner fragrant
growths, and he had made himself out to be Al-Khizr (on whom be
The Peace!), and the third to be a Butcher who had passed himself
off as Iskandar, Lord of the Two Horns (on whom be The Peace!);
whilst the fourth, whom the Jester had brought, and who declared
that he was the Archangel Israfil, and was about to blow the Last
Trump, proved to be the Shaykh of the Pipers. Now when the four
were before the King he gave orders to castrate them all save the
Shaykh[FN#422] this being the award of him who lewdly frequenteth
the women of the royal household. Hereupon they gelded them, and
each one who was made a eunuch died without stay and delay; and
the Droll divorced his wife and sent her about her business.
I have also by me (said Shahrazad) another tale concerning the
wiles of womankind, and it is that of
