THE WOMAN WHO HUMOURED HER LOVER AT
HER HUSBAND'S EXPENSE.[FN#481]
There was a man in Cairo and he had a wife who ever boasted of
her gentle blood and her obedience and her docility and her fear
of the Lord. Now she happened to have in the house a pair of
fatted ganders[FN#482] and she also had a lover whom she kept in
the background. Presently the man came to visit her and seeing
beside her the plump birds felt his appetite sharpened by them,
so he said to her, "O Such-an-one, needs must thou let cook these
two geese with the best of stuffing so that we may make merry
over them, for that my mind is bent upon eating goose flesh."
Quoth she, "'Tis right easy; and by thy life, O So-and-so, I will
slaughter them and stuff them and thou shalt take them and carry
them home with thee and eat them, nor shall this pimp my husband
taste of them or even smell them." "How wilt thou do?" asked he,
and she answered, "I will serve him a sleight shall enter into
his brains and then give them to thee, for none is dear to me as
thyself, O thou light of mine eyes; whereas this pander my mate
shall not touch a bittock thereof." Upon this agreement the lover
went from her and when her husband returned at sunset-tide she
said to him, "Ho Man, how canst thou ever call thyself a man when
thou never invitest anybody to thy house and no day of the days
thou sayest me, 'I have a guest coming to us,' even as another
would do; and folk surely will talk of thee and declare thou art
a miser and unknowing the ways of generosity." "O Woman," said
he, "this were for me an easy business and to-morrow morning
(Inshallah!) I will buy for thee flesh and rice and thou shalt
let cook for us or dinner or supper, whereto I will invite one of
my intimates." Quoth she to him, "Nay, O Man; rather do thou buy
for me a pound of mince-meat; then slaughter the two geese and I
will stuff them and fry them, for that nothing is more savoury to
set before guests." Said he, "Upon my head and mine eye be it!"
and as soon as it was dawn he slaughtered the geese and went
forth and bought a Rotolo of meat which he minced and took all
was required of rice and hot spices and what not else. These he
carried home to his wife and said to her, "Do thou finish off thy
cooking before midday when I will bring my guests," and presently
he fared forth from her. Then she arose and cleaned out the geese
and stuffed them with minced meat and a portion of rice and
almonds and raisins;[FN#483] and fried them until they were well
cooked; after which she sent for her lover and as soon as he came
she and he made merry together, and she gave him the geese which
he took up and left her.--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn
of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then
quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister
mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is
this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night
an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night
and that was
The Seven Hundred and Eighty-first Night,
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be
other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short
the watching of this our latter night." She replied, "With love
and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the
director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting
and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the woman
gave to her lover the geese which she had fried and he took the
twain and fared away with them. Now when it was noon suddenly her
husband came home accompanied by a friend and knocked at the
door; so she arose and opened to him and admitted them. Then she
asked, "And hast thou brought only one man?[FN#484] hie thee
forth and fetch at least two or better still three." "'Tis well,"
said he and went off to do her bidding. Then the woman accosted
the guest who came first and cried, "Oh the pity of it! By Allah
thou art lost and the Lá Haul of Allah[FN#485] is upon thee and
doubtless thou hast no children." Now when the man heard these
words he exclaimed, "Why, O Woman?" for indeed fear and affright
had sunk deep into his heart. She rejoined, "Verily my husband
hath not brought thee hither save with the intention of cutting
off thy precious stones the honours of thy yard[FN#486] and of
gelding thee to a Castrato; and heigho and alas for thee whether
thou die or whether thou live, and Oh the pity of it for thee!"
Now when the man heard this speech, he arose in haste and hurry
and rushed out by the door, when behold, the husband came
bringing with him two of his familiars. So the wife met him at
the entrance and said to him, "O Man, O miserablest of men, O
thou disappointed, O thou dissatisfied,[FN#487] thou hast brought
to me a fellow which was a thief, a ne'er-do-well like unto
thyself." "How so?" asked he, and she answered, "The man stole
the two geese and stole away." Thereupon the husband went out and
catching sight of the guest running off shouted to him, "Come
back! Come back! even although thou bring only one with thee and
take the other." Cried the man in reply, "An thou catch me do
thou take thee the two. But the house-master meant the two geese
whilst the man who was running away thought only of himself,
saying in his mind, "This one speaketh of my ballocks, meaning
that he will take only one of my stones[FN#488] and leave me the
other." So he ceased not running and the other followed after
him, but being unable to catch him he returned to his guests and
served them with somewhat of bread and so forth, whilst the woman
kept blaming him and nagging about the matter of the geese which
she said had been carried off, but which had been given by her to
her lover. The husband enjoined her to silence; however she would
not hold her peace[FN#489] and on this wise he was balked of the
meal to feed his wife's friend. And now (quoth Shahrazad) I will
relate to you somewhat of the wiles of an honest woman, and
thereupon she fell to recounting the adventure of
