THE KAZI SCHOOLED BY HIS WIFE.
It is related of a man which was a Kazi that he had a wife of the
virtuous and the righteous and of the charitable and the pitiful
to the orphan and the pauper; and the same was beautiful
exceedingly. Her husband held and was certified anent womankind
that all and every were like unto his spouse; so that when any
male masculant came into his court[FN#490] complaining about his
rib he would deliver his decision that the man was a wrong-doer
and that the woman was wronged. On such wise he did because he
saw that his wife was the pink of perfection and he opined that
the whole of her sex resembled her, and he knew naught of the
wickedness and debauchery of the genus and their sorcery and
their contrariety and the cunning contrivance wherewith they work
upon men's wits. He abode all careless of such matters, in
consequence of the virtues of his spouse, until one chance day of
the days when suddenly a man came to him with a grievance about
his better half and showed how he had been evil entreated by her
and how her misconduct was manifest and public. But when the man
laid his case before the Kazi and enlarged upon his charge, the
Judge determined that he was in tort and that his wife was in the
right; so the complainant went forth the court as one deaf and
blind who could neither hear nor see. Moreover he was perplexed
as to his affair, unknowing what he should do in the matter of
his helpmate and wherefore the Kazi had determined contrary to
justice that he had ill-used his spouse. Now as to the Kazi's
wife none could forgather with her;[FN#491] so the plaintiff was
distraught and confounded when he was met unexpectedly on the way
by one who asked him, "What may be thy case, O certain person,
and how hath it befallen thee with the Kazi in the matter of thy
rib?" "He hath given sentence," quoth the man, "that I am the
wrong-doer and that she is the wronged, and I know not how I
shall act." Whereupon quoth the other, "Return and take thy
station hard by the entrance to the Judge's Harem and thyself
under the protection of its inmates." The man did as his friend
advised him and knocked, when a handmaiden came out and he said
to her, "O Damsel, 'tis my desire that thou send me hither thy
lady, so I may bespeak her with a single word." She went in and
informed her mistress[FN#492] who rose and humoured him, and
standing veiled behind the door asked, "What is to do with thee,
O man?" "O my lady," said he, "I place myself under thy ward and
thine honour, so thou enable me to get justice of my wife and
overcome her and prevail over her, for in very deed she hath
wronged me and disgraced me. I came to complain of her
ill-conduct before His Honour our lord the Kazi, yet he hath
determined that I am the wrong-doer and have injured her while
she is the wronged. I know not what I shall do with him, and
sundry of the folk have informed me that thou art of the
beneficent; so I require that thou charge for me the Judge to
deliver according to Holy Law his decree between me and my mate."
Quoth she, "Go thou and take thy rest, nor do thou return to him
until he shall have sent after thee, and fear not aught from him
at all." "Allah increase thy weal, O my lady," quoth he, and he
left her and went about his business pondering his case and
saying to himself in mind, "Oh would Heaven I wot whether the
Kazi's wife will protect me and deliver me from this
fornicatress, this adulteress, who hath outraged me and carried
away my good and driven me forth from her." Now when it was
night-tide and the Judge was at leisure from his commandments, he
went into his Harem, and it was his wife's custom whenever he
returned home to meet him at the middle doorway. But as on that
occasion she failed so to do, he walked into the apartment
wherein she woned and found her at prayers; then he recalled to
mind the contention of the man who had come to him with a
grievance against his spouse--And Shahrazad was surprised by the
dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say.
Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy
tale O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she,
"And where is this compared with that I would relate on the
coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was
the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Eighty-third Night,
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be
other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short
the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love
and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the
director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting
and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the
Kazi went in to his wife whom he found praying, he recalled to
mind the matter of the man who had come to him with a contention
against his spouse and he said in his thought, "Verily nor
hurting nor harming ever cometh from womankind and indeed this
liar complaineth of his wife falsely;" for it was still in his
mind that all of the contrary sex are as virtuous as his lady.
But when she had done with her devotions, she rose up to him and
served him and set before him, she and her handmaidens, the tray
of food and she sat down at meat with him as was her wont. Now
amongst the dishes was a charger containing two chickens, so said
she to her husband, "By Allah, O my lord, do thou buy for us
to-morrow a couple of geese that I may let stuff them, for my
heart is set upon eating of their meat." Said he, "O my lady,
to-morrow (Inshallah! an it be the will of the Almighty) I will
send to the Bazar and let buy for thee two geese of the biggest
and the fattest and the Eunuchs shall slaughter them and thou
shalt use them as thou will." Accordingly, at dawn-tide the Judge
sent to buy two plump birds and bade the Eunuchs cut their
throats and the handmaidens gutted them and stuffed them and
cooked them with rice over and above the usual food. Thereupon
the Kazi's wife arose and proceeded to work her contrivance. She
had bought two sparrows which the hunter had trapped; and she
bade kill and dress them and place them upon the rice instead of
the geese and awaited the even-tide when her husband would return
to supper. Then they spread the tables whereupon was placed a
covered platter under which he supposed stood the geese, so he
took it off and behold, he found the two sparrows. Hereat he was
perplext and said to his wife, "Allaho Akbar-God is most
Great-where be the geese?" and said she to him, "Whatso thou
broughtest here it be[FN#493] before thee upon the dish." "These
be two sparrows," quoth he, and quoth she, "I wot not." So the
Judge arose displeased[FN#494] with his wife and going to her
home fetched her father and as she saw him coming, she stood up
and whipping off the two small birds placed the big ones in their
stead; and he uncovered the plate and found the geese. So he said
to his son-in-law, "Thou declarest that these be sparrows but
indeed they are geese;" for he also was deceived and went forth
in displeasure with the Judge, after which the Kazi followed in
his footstep and soothed him and invited him to meat but he would
not return with him. Hereupon the husband padlocked the door but,
before he had entered, the wife had substituted the birdies for
the big birds and when her mate sat down to meat and would fain
have eaten he uncovered the platter and beheld the two sparrows.
Seeing this he was like to go out of his mind and he cried aloud,
"Walláhi! Indeed this be a portentous calamity," and he went
forth, trotting in his haste, until he met his father-in-law upon
the way. Then he cried upon him and said, "Come and look at the
two geese which were in the platter." "Wherefore?" asked the
other and answered he, "Because I found them changed to two
sparrows." Hereupon the father returned with him to the house and
walked up to the table whence the lady, during her husband's
absence, had removed the birdies and replaced the birds in lieu
of them. So the father took off the cover and finding before him
the pair of geese said to his son-in-law, "Be these two geese?
consider them well whether they be sparrows or not." "Two geese,"
said the other and said the sire, "Then why dost thou come to me
a second and a several time and bring me hither and complain of
my daughter?" Hereupon he left him and went forth an-angered and
the Judge came up with him at the doorway and soothed him and
conjured him to return. Meanwhile the lady arose and whipping off
the geese set the two birdies in lieu thereof and covered them
up; and as soon as the Kazi returned and sat down to meat he
removed the cover from the platter and found the two sparrows.
Hereat he shrieked aloud and arose and went forth the door and
cried, "Ho Moslems, come ye to my help!"[FN#495] Now when the
people of the quarter heard the outcry, they gathered together
about the house, when the lady seized the occasion to carry off
the two birdies and to set in lieu of them the two geese. Asked
they, "What is to do with thee, O our lord the Kazi, and what
hath befallen thee?" and he answered, "I bought two geese for our
supper and now I find them turned into two sparrows;" and so
saying he led the Notables of the quarter into his house and
showed them the dish. They uncovered it and found therein two
geese, so they exclaimed, "These be two geese which thou callest
sparrows;" and so saying they left him and went their ways. He
followed them making excuses and was absent for a while, when his
wife took the birds and set the birdies in place of them and when
the Kazi returned and proceeded to sit down at meat he uncovered
the platter and behold, thereon stood the two sparrows. So he
smote hand upon hand crying, "These be two sparrows without doubt
or hesitation;" whereat his wife arose and called out with a loud
voice, "O ye Moslems, help ye a Moslemah."[FN#496] So the folk
ran to her aidance and asked her saying, "What is to do, O our
lady?" and she answered, "Verily my calamity is grievous and
there is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the
Glorious, the Great. My husband the Kazi hath gone Jinn-mad and
do you of our grace and benevolence lay hold of him and carry him
to the Máristán."--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day
and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth
her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and
how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this
compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an
the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night
and that was
The Seven Hundred and Eighty-fifth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be
other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short
the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love
and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the
director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting
and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the
Judge's wife cried upon the folk of the quarter, "Do ye of your
grace and benevolence to us seize the Kazi and carry him to the
Maristan that they may confine him therein until he return to his
reason and regain his right mind." Hereupon they laid hands upon
him and bore him to the Bedlam and imprisoned him therein amongst
the maniacs, and it was certified to all the folk that their Kazi
had been suddenly struck by insanity and that they had confined
him in the madhouse. Now all this was of the cunning contrivance
of his wife, that she might make manifest to him concerning
womankind how none of mankind can prevail over them. But after
the lapse of three days which the Judge passed in the Bedlam, his
wife went in to him bringing a somewhat of food and set meat
before him and asked him saying, "What was it thou foundest on
the platter?" Answered he, "Two sparrows," and continued she,
"Recover thy senses and thy right mind and see here am I who have
made thee out mad for thy confusion between two geese and two
sparrows. Now whenever any man cometh to thee complaining of his
wife (and thou unknowing aught of the couple and of their
circumstances), thou determinest that the male is the evil-doer
and withal thou wottest not that women are often the worst of
wrongers and that men are sorely wronged by them. And in the
matter now in hand, the whole of the folk declare that the Kazi
is a wrong-doer to his wife, and no one knoweth that thou art
really the wronged and I the wronger. Indeed sooth did he say who
said, 'Alas for those who be gaoled wrongfully!' So do thou never
decide aught thou knowest not. However, thou hast approved to
thyself that I am true and loyal to thee and thou makest all the
folk like one to other, but this is a sore injury to some. In the
present case do thou send for the man who is wronged and let
bring him to thy presence and bid his wife be also present and do
him justice of her." After this she removed her husband from the
Máristán and went her ways, and the Kazi did with the man as his
lady had charged him do and whenever a plaintiff came before him
with a grievance against his wife he would decide that the man
was the wronged and the woman was the wronger, and he ceased not
doing after this fashion for a while of time. And now (quoth
Shahrazad) I will relate to you another history of womankind and
this is the tale of
