WILLIAM TELL TOLD AGAIN
BY P. G. WODEHOUSE
1904
WITH
ILLUSTRATIONS IN COLOUR BY PHILIP DADD
DESCRIBED IN VERSE BY JOHN W. HOUGHTON
[Dedication]
TO BIDDY O'SULLIVAN
FOR A CHRISTMAS PRESENT
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
SOMETIMES IT WAS ONLY A BIRD [Frontispiece]
GESSLER'S METHODS OF PERSUASION [Plate I]
THEY WOULD MARCH ABOUT, BEATING TIN CANS AND SHOUTING [Plate II]
AN EGG FLEW ACROSS THE MEADOW, AND BURST OVER LEUTHOLD'S SHOULDER
[Plate III]
"HERE! HI!" SHOUTED THE SOLDIERS, "STOP!" [Plate IV]
THEY SAW FRIESSHARDT RAISE HIS PIKE, AND BRING IT DOWN WITH ALL HIS
FORCE ON TELL'S HEAD [Plate V]
"LOOK HERE!" HE BEGAN. "LOOK THERE!" SAID FRIESSHARDT [Plate VI]
FRIESSHARDT RUSHED TO STOP HIM [Plate VII]
THE CROWD DANCED AND SHOUTED [Plate VIII]
"COME, COME, COME!" SAID GESSLER, "TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT" [Plate IX]
"I HAVE HERE AN APPLE" [Plate X]
THERE WAS A STIR OF EXCITEMENT IN THE CROWD [Plate XI]
A MOMENT'S SUSPENSE, AND THEN A TERRIFIC CHEER AROSE FROM THE
SPECTATORS [Plate XII]
"SEIZE THAT MAN!" HE SHOUTED [Plate XIII]
HE WAS LED AWAY TO THE SHORE OF THE LAKE [Plate XIV]
TELL'S SECOND ARROW HAD FOUND ITS MARK [Plate XV]
The Swiss, against their Austrian foes,
Had ne'er a soul to lead 'em,
Till Tell, as you've heard tell, arose
And guided them to freedom.
Tell's tale we tell again--an act
For which pray no one scold us--
This tale of Tell we tell, in fact,
As this Tell tale was told us.
WILLIAM TELL
CHAPTER I
Once upon a time, more years ago than anybody can remember, before the
first hotel had been built or the first Englishman had taken a
photograph of Mont Blanc and brought it home to be pasted in an album
and shown after tea to his envious friends, Switzerland belonged to the
Emperor of Austria, to do what he liked with.
One of the first things the Emperor did was to send his friend Hermann
Gessler to govern the country. Gessler was not a nice man, and it soon
became plain that he would never make himself really popular with the
Swiss. The point on which they disagreed in particular was the question
of taxes. The Swiss, who were a simple and thrifty people, objected to
paying taxes of any sort. They said they wanted to spend their money on
all kinds of other things. Gessler, on the other hand, wished to put a
tax on everything, and, being Governor, he did it. He made everyone who
owned a flock of sheep pay a certain sum of money to him; and if the
farmer sold his sheep and bought cows, he had to pay rather more money
to Gessler for the cows than he had paid for the sheep. Gessler also
taxed bread, and biscuits, and jam, and buns, and lemonade, and, in
fact, everything he could think of, till the people of Switzerland
determined to complain. They appointed Walter Fürst, who had red hair
and looked fierce; Werner Stauffacher, who had gray hair and was always
wondering how he ought to pronounce his name; and Arnold of Melchthal,
who had light-yellow hair and was supposed to know a great deal about
the law, to make the complaint. They called on the Governor one lovely
morning in April, and were shown into the Hall of Audience.
"Well," said Gessler, "and what's the matter now?"
The other two pushed Walter Fürst forward because he looked fierce, and
they thought he might frighten the Governor.
Walter Fürst coughed.
"Well?" asked Gessler.
"Er--ahem!" said Walter Fürst.
"That's the way," whispered Werner; "_give_ it him!"
"Er--ahem!"
said Walter Fürst again; "the fact is, your Governorship--"
"It's a small point," interrupted Gessler, "but I'm generally called
'your Excellency.' Yes?"
"The fact is, your Excellency, it seems to the people of Switzerland--"
"--Whom I represent," whispered Arnold of Melchthal.
"--Whom I represent, that things want changing."
"What things?" inquired Gessler.
"The taxes, your excellent Governorship."
"Change the taxes? Why, don't the people of Switzerland think there are
enough taxes?"
Arnold of Melchthal broke in hastily.
"They think there are many too many," he said. "What with the tax on
sheep, and the tax on cows, and the tax on bread, and the tax on tea,
and the tax--"
"I know, _I_ know," Gessler interrupted; "I know all the taxes.
Come to the point. What about 'em?"
"Well, your Excellency, there are too many of them."
"Too many!"
"Yes. And we are not going to put up with it any longer!" shouted
Arnold of Melchthal.
Gessler leaned forward in his throne.
"Might I ask you to repeat that remark?" he said.
"We are not going to put up with it any longer!"
Gessler sat back again with an ugly smile.
"Oh," he said--"oh, indeed! You aren't, aren't you! Desire the Lord
High Executioner to step this way," he added to a soldier who stood
beside him.
The Lord High Executioner entered the presence. He was a kind-looking
old gentleman with white hair, and he wore a beautiful black robe,
tastefully decorated with death's-heads.
"Your Excellency sent for me?" he said.
"Just so," replied Gessler. "This gentleman here"--he pointed to Arnold
of Melchthal--"says he does not like taxes, and that he isn't going to
put up with them any longer."
"Tut-tut!" murmured the executioner.
"See what you can do for him."
"Certainly, your Excellency. Robert," he cried, "is the oil on the
boil?"
"Just this minute boiled over," replied a voice from the other side of
the door.
"Then bring it in, and mind you don't spill any."
Enter Robert, in a suit of armour and a black mask, carrying a large
caldron, from which the steam rose in great clouds.
"Now, sir, if you please," said the executioner politely to Arnold of
Melchthal.
Arnold looked at the caldron.
"Why, it's hot," he said.
"Warmish," admitted the executioner.
"It's against the law to threaten a man with hot oil."
[Illustration: PLATE I]
"You may bring an action against me," said the executioner. "Now, sir,
if _you_ please. We are wasting time. The forefinger of your left
hand, if I may trouble you. Thank you. I am obliged."
He took Arnold's left hand, and dipped the tip of the first finger into
the oil.
"Ow!" cried Arnold, jumping.
"Don't let him see he's hurting you," whispered Werner Stauffacher.
"Pretend you don't notice it."
Gessler leaned forward again.
"Have your views on taxes changed at all?" he asked. "Do you see my
point of view more clearly now?"
Arnold admitted that he thought that, after all, there might be
something to be said for it.
"That's right," said the Governor. "And the tax on sheep? You don't
object to that?"
"No."
"And the tax on cows?"
"I like it."
"And those on bread, and buns, and lemonade?"
"I enjoy them."
"Excellent. In fact, you're quite contented?"
"Quite."
"And you think the rest of the people are?"
"Oh, quite, quite!"
"And do you think the same?" he asked of Walter and Werner.
"Oh _yes_, your Excellency!" they cried.
"Then _that's_ all right," said Gessler. "I was sure you would be
sensible about it. Now, if you will kindly place in the tambourine
which the gentleman on my left is presenting to you a mere trifle to
compensate us for our trouble in giving you an audience, and if you"
(to Arnold of Melchthal) "will contribute an additional trifle for use
of the Imperial boiling oil, I think we shall all be satisfied. You've
done it? _That's_ right. Good-bye, and mind the step as you go
out."
And, as he finished this speech, the three spokesmen of the people of
Switzerland were shown out of the Hall of Audience.
