THE GOLDEN ARM
Once 'pon a time dey wuz a momsus mean man, en he live 'way out in de
prairie all 'lone by hisself, 'cep'n he had a wife. En bimeby she died,
en he tuck en toted her way out dah in de prairie en buried her.
Well, she had a golden arm--all solid gold, fum de shoulder down.
He wuz pow'ful mean--pow'ful; en dat night he couldn't sleep,
caze he want dat golden arm so bad.
When it come midnight he couldn't stan' it no mo'; so he git up,
he did, en tuck his lantern en shoved out thoo de storm en dug her
up en got de golden arm; en he bent his head down 'gin de 'win, en
plowed en plowed en plowed thoo de snow. Den all on a sudden he
stop (make a considerable pause here, and look startled, and take
a listening attitude) en say: "My LAN', what's dat?"
En he listen--en listen--en de win' say (set your teeth together
and imitate the wailing and wheezing singsong of the wind),
"Bzzz-z-zzz"--en den, way back yonder whah de grave is, he hear
a VOICE!--he hear a voice all mix' up in de win'--can't hardly
tell 'em 'part--"Bzzz--zzz--W-h-o--g-o-t--m-y--g-o-l-d-e-n ARM?"
(You must begin to shiver violently now.)
En he begin to shiver en shake, en say, "Oh, my! OH, my lan'!" en de win'
blow de lantern out, en de snow en sleet blow in his face en mos'
choke him, en he start a-plowin' knee-deep toward home mos' dead,
he so sk'yerd--en pooty soon he hear de voice agin, en (pause) it 'us
comin AFTER him! "Bzzz--zzz--zzz W-h-o--g-o-t--m-y--g-o-l-d-e-n--ARM?"
When he git to de pasture he hear it agin--closter now,
en A-COMIN'!--a-comin' back dah in de dark en de storm--(repeat
the wind and the voice). When he git to de house he rush upstairs
en jump in de bed en kiver up, head and years, en lay da shiverin'
en shakin'--en den way out dah he hear it AGIN!--en a-COMIN'! En
bimeby he hear (pause--awed, listening attitude)--pat--pat--pat HIT'S
A-COMIN' UPSTAIRS! Den he hear de latch, en he KNOW it's in de room!
Den pooty soon he know it's a-STANNIN' BY DE BED! (Pause.) Den--
he know it's a-BENDIN' DOWN OVER HIM--en he cain't skasely git
his breath! Den--den--he seem to feel someth'n' C-O-L-D, right down
'most agin his head! (Pause.)
Den de voice say, RIGHT AT HIS YEAR--"W-h-o--g-o-t--m-y g-o-l-d-e-n ARM?"
(You must wail it out very plaintively and accusingly; then you stare
steadily and impressively into the face of the farthest-gone auditor--
a girl, preferably--and let that awe-inspiring pause begin to build
itself in the deep hush. When it has reached exactly the right length,
jump suddenly at that girl and yell, "YOU'VE got it!")
If you've got the PAUSE right, she'll fetch a dear little yelp and
spring right out of her shoes. But you MUST get the pause right;
and you will find it the most troublesome and aggravating and
uncertain thing you ever undertook.
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