XXIV. MYSELF
Only a few months remained before I was to matriculate for the
University, yet I was making such good progress that I felt no
apprehensions, and even took a pleasure in my studies. I kept in
good heart, and learnt my lessons fluently and intelligently. The
faculty I had selected was the mathematical one--probably, to
tell the truth, because the terms "tangent," "differentials,"
"integrals," and so forth, pleased my fancy.
Though stout and broad-shouldered, I was shorter than Woloda,
while my ugliness of face still remained and tormented me as much
as ever. By way of compensation, I tried to appear original. Yet
one thing comforted me, namely, that Papa had said that I had "an
INTELLIGENT face." I quite believed him.
St. Jerome was not only satisfied with me, but actually had taken
to praising me. Consequently, I had now ceased to hate him. In
fact, when, one day, he said that, with my "capacities" and my
"intellect," it would be shameful for me not to accomplish this,
that, or the other thing, I believe I almost liked him.
I had long ago given up keeping observation on the maidservants'
room, for I was now ashamed to hide behind doors. Likewise, I
confess that the knowledge of Masha's love for Basil had greatly
cooled my ardour for her, and that my passion underwent a final
cure by their marriage--a consummation to which I myself
contributed by, at Basil's request, asking Papa's consent to the
union.
When the newly-married couple brought trays of cakes and
sweetmeats to Papa as a thank-offering, and Masha, in a cap with
blue ribbons, kissed each of us on the shoulder in token of her
gratitude, I merely noticed the scent of the rose pomade on her
hair, but felt no other sensation.
In general, I was beginning to get the better of my youthful
defects, with the exception of the principal one--the one of
which I shall often again have to speak in relating my life's
history--namely, the tendency to abstract thought.
