LETTER 5.
LONDON, Sept. 30, 1710.
Han't I brought myself into a fine praemunire,[1] to begin writing letters in
whole sheets? and now I dare not leave it off. I cannot tell whether you like
these journal letters: I believe they would be dull to me to read them over;
but, perhaps, little MD is pleased to know how Presto passes his time in her
absence. I always begin my last the same day I ended my former. I told you
where I dined to-day at a tavern with Stratford: Lewis,[2] who is a great
favourite of Harley's, was to have been with us; but he was hurried to Hampton
Court, and sent his excuse; and that next Wednesday he would introduce me to
Harley. 'Tis good to see what a lamentable confession the Whigs all make me
of my ill usage: but I mind them not. I am already represented to Harley as
a discontented person, that was used ill for not being Whig enough; and I hope
for good usage from him. The Tories drily tell me, I may make my fortune, if
I please; but I do not understand them--or rather, I do understand them.
Oct. 1. To-day I dined at Molesworth's, the Florence Envoy; and sat this
evening with my friend Darteneuf,[3] whom you have heard me talk of; the
greatest punner of this town next myself. Have you smoked the Tatler that I
writ?[4] It is much liked here, and I think it a pure[5] one. To-morrow I go
with Delaval,[6] the Portugal Envoy, to dine with Lord Halifax near Hampton
Court.[7] Your Manley's brother, a Parliament-man here, has gotten an
employment;[8] and I am informed uses much interest to preserve his brother:
and, to-day, I spoke to the elder Frankland to engage his father (Postmaster
here); and I hope he will be safe, although he is cruelly hated by all the
Tories of Ireland. I have almost finished my lampoon, and will print it for
revenge on a certain great person.[9] It has cost me but three shillings in
meat and drink since I came here, as thin as the town is. I laugh to see
myself so disengaged in these revolutions. Well, I must leave off, and go
write to Sir John Stanley,[10] to desire him to engage Lady Hyde as my
mistress to engage Lord Hyde[11] in favour of Mr. Pratt.[12]
2. Lord Halifax was at Hampton Court at his lodgings, and I dined with him
there with Methuen,[13] and Delaval, and the late Attorney-General.[14] I went
to the Drawing-room before dinner (for the Queen was at Hampton Court), and
expected to see nobody; but I met acquaintance enough. I walked in the
gardens, saw the cartoons of Raphael, and other things; and with great
difficulty got from Lord Halifax, who would have kept me to-morrow to show me
his house and park, and improvements. We left Hampton Court at sunset, and
got here in a chariot and two horses time enough by starlight. That's
something charms me mightily about London; that you go dine a dozen miles off
in October, stay all day, and return so quickly: you cannot do anything like
this in Dublin.[15] I writ a second penny post letter to your mother, and hear
nothing of her. Did I tell you that Earl Berkeley died last Sunday was
se'nnight, at Berkeley Castle, of a dropsy? Lord Halifax began a health to me
to-day; it was the Resurrection of the Whigs, which I refused unless he would
add their Reformation too and I told him he was the only Whig in England I
loved, or had any good opinion of.
3. This morning Stella's sister[16] came to me with a letter from her mother,
who is at Sheen; but will soon be in town, and will call to see me: she gave
me a bottle of palsy water,[17] a small one, and desired I would send it you
by the first convenience, as I will; and she promises a quart bottle of the
same: your sister looked very well, and seems a good modest sort of girl. I
went then to Mr. Lewis, first secretary to Lord Dartmouth,[18] and favourite
to Mr. Harley, who is to introduce me to-morrow morning. Lewis had with him
one Mr. Dyot,[19] a Justice of Peace, worth twenty thousand pounds, a
Commissioner of the Stamp Office, and married to a sister of Sir Philip
Meadows,[20] Envoy to the Emperor. I tell you this, because it is odds but
this Mr. Dyot will be hanged; for he is discovered to have counterfeited
stamped paper, in which he was a Commissioner; and, with his accomplices, has
cheated the Queen of a hundred thousand pounds. You will hear of it before
this come to you, but may be not so particularly; and it is a very odd
accident in such a man. Smoke Presto writing news to MD. I dined to-day with
Lord Mountjoy at Kensington, and walked from thence this evening to town like
an emperor. Remember that yesterday, October 2, was a cruel hard frost, with
ice; and six days ago I was dying with heat. As thin as the town is, I have
more dinners than ever; and am asked this month by some people, without being
able to come for pre-engagements. Well, but I should write plainer, when I
consider Stella cannot read,[21] and Dingley is not so skilful at my ugly
hand. I had tonight a letter from Mr. Pratt, who tells me Joe will have his
money when there are trustees appointed by the Lord Lieutenant for receiving
and disposing the linen fund; and whenever those trustees are appointed, I
will solicit whoever is Lord Lieutenant, and am in no fear of succeeding. So
pray tell or write him word, and bid him not be cast down; for Ned
Southwell[22] and Mr. Addison both think Pratt in the right. Don't lose your
money at Manley's to-night, sirrahs.
4. After I had put out my candle last night, my landlady came into my room,
with a servant of Lord Halifax, to desire I would go dine with him at his
house near Hampton Court; but I sent him word, I had business of great
importance that hindered me, etc. And to-day I was brought privately to Mr.
Harley, who received me with the greatest respect and kindness imaginable: he
has appointed me an hour on Saturday at four, afternoon, when I will open my
business to him; which expression I would not use if I were a woman. I know
you smoked it; but I did not till I writ it. I dined to-day at Mr. Delaval's,
the Envoy for Portugal, with Nic Rowe[23] the poet, and other friends; and I
gave my lampoon to be printed. I have more mischief in my heart; and I think
it shall go round with them all, as this hits, and I can find hints. I am
certain I answered your 2d letter, and yet I do not find it here. I suppose
it was in my 4th: and why N. 2d, 3d; is it not enough to say, as I do, 1, 2,
3? etc. I am going to work at another Tatler:[24] I'll be far enough but I
say the same thing over two or three times, just as I do when I am talking to
little MD; but what care I? they can read it as easily as I can write it: I
think I have brought these lines pretty straight again. I fear it will be
long before I finish two sides at this rate. Pray, dear MD, when I
occasionally give you any little commission mixed with my letters, don't
forget it, as that to Morgan and Joe, etc., for I write just as I can
remember, otherwise I would put them all together. I was to visit Mr. Sterne
to-day, and give him your commission about handkerchiefs: that of chocolate I
will do myself, and send it him when he goes, and you'll pay me when the
GIVER'S BREAD,[25] etc. To-night I will read a pamphlet, to amuse myself.
God preserve your dear healths!
5. This morning Delaval came to see me, and we went together to
Kneller's,[26] who was not in town. In the way we met the electors for
Parliament-men:[27] and the rabble came about our coach, crying, "A Colt, a
Stanhope," etc. We were afraid of a dead cat, or our glasses broken, and so
were always of their side. I dined again at Delaval's; and in the evening, at
the Coffee-house, heard Sir Andrew Fountaine[28] was come to town. This has
been but an insipid sort of day, and I have nothing to remark upon it worth
threepence: I hope MD had a better, with the Dean, the Bishop, or Mrs.
Walls.[29] Why, the reason you lost four and eightpence last night but one at
Manley's was, because you played bad games: I took notice of six that you had
ten to one against you: Would any but a mad lady go out twice upon Manilio;
Basto, and two small diamonds?[30] Then in that game of spades, you blundered
when you had ten-ace; I never saw the like of you: and now you are in a huff
because I tell you this. Well, here's two and eightpence halfpenny towards
your loss.
6. Sir Andrew Fountaine came this morning, and caught me writing in bed. I
went into the city with him; and we dined at the Chop-house with Will
Pate,[31] the learned woollen-draper: then we sauntered at China-shops[32]
and booksellers; went to the tavern, drank two pints of white wine, and never
parted till ten: and now I am come home, and must copy out some papers I
intend for Mr. Harley, whom I am to see, as I told you, to-morrow afternoon;
so that this night I shall say little to MD, but that I heartily wish myself
with them, and will come as soon as I either fail, or compass my business. We
now hear daily of elections; and, in a list I saw yesterday of about twenty,
there are seven or eight more Tories than in the last Parliament; so that I
believe they need not fear a majority, with the help of those who will vote as
the Court pleases. But I have been told that Mr. Harley himself would not let
the Tories be too numerous, for fear they should be insolent, and kick against
him; and for that reason they have kept several Whigs in employments, who
expected to be turned out every day; as Sir John Holland the Comptroller, and
many others. And so get you gone to your cards, and your claret and orange,
at the Dean's; and I'll go write.
7. I wonder when this letter will be finished: it must go by Tuesday, that's
certain; and if I have one from MD before, I will not answer it, that's as
certain too. 'Tis now morning, and I did not finish my papers for Mr. Harley
last night; for you must understand Presto was sleepy, and made blunders and
blots. Very pretty that I must be writing to young women in a morning fresh
and fasting, faith. Well, good-morrow to you; and so I go to business, and
lay aside this paper till night, sirrahs.--At night. Jack How[33] told Harley
that if there were a lower place in hell than another, it was reserved for his
porter, who tells lies so gravely, and with so civil a manner. This porter I
have had to deal with, going this evening at four to visit Mr. Harley, by his
own appointment. But the fellow told me no lie, though I suspected every word
he said. He told me his master was just gone to dinner, with much company,
and desired I would come an hour hence: which I did, expecting to hear Mr.
Harley was gone out; but they had just done dinner. Mr. Harley came out to
me, brought me in, and presented to me his son-in-law Lord Doblane[34] (or
some such name) and his own son,[35] and, among others, Will Penn[36] the
Quaker: we sat two hours drinking as good wine as you do; and two hours more
he and I alone; where he heard me tell my business; entered into it with all
kindness; asked for my powers, and read them; and read likewise a memorial[37]
I had drawn up, and put it in his pocket to show the Queen; told me the
measures he would take; and, in short, said everything I could wish: told me,
he must bring Mr. St. John[38] (Secretary of State) and me acquainted; and
spoke so many things of personal kindness and esteem for me, that I am
inclined half to believe what some friends have told me, that he would do
everything to bring me over. He has desired to dine with me (what a comical
mistake was that!). I mean he has desired me to dine with him on Tuesday; and
after four hours being with him, set me down at St. James's Coffee-house in a
hackney-coach. All this is odd and comical, if you consider him and me. He
knew my Christian name very well. I could not forbear saying thus much upon
this matter, although you will think it tedious. But I'll tell you; you must
know, 'tis fatal[39] to me to be a scoundrel and a prince the same day: for,
being to see him at four, I could not engage myself to dine at any friend's;
so I went to Tooke,[40] to give him a ballad, and dine with him; but he was
not at home: so I was forced to go to a blind[41] chop-house, and dine for
tenpence upon gill-ale,[42] bad broth, and three chops of mutton; and then go
reeking from thence to the First Minister of State. And now I am going in
charity to send Steele a Tatler, who is very low of late. I think I am
civiller than I used to be; and have not used the expression of "you in
Ireland" and "we in England" as I did when I was here before, to your great
indignation.--They may talk of the you know what;[43] but, gad, if it had not
been for that, I should never have been able to get the access I have had; and
if that helps me to succeed, then that same thing will be serviceable to the
Church. But how far we must depend upon new friends, I have learnt by long
practice, though I think among great Ministers, they are just as good as old
ones. And so I think this important day has made a great hole in this side of
the paper; and the fiddle-faddles of tomorrow and Monday will make up the
rest; and, besides, I shall see Harley on Tuesday before this letter goes.
8. I must tell you a great piece of refinement[44] of Harley. He charged me
to come to him often: I told him I was loth to trouble him in so much
business as he had, and desired I might have leave to come at his levee; which
he immediately refused, and said, that was not a place for friends to come to.
'Tis now but morning; and I have got a foolish trick, I must say something to
MD when I wake, and wish them a good-morrow; for this is not a shaving-day,
Sunday, so I have time enough: but get you gone, you rogues, I must go write:
Yes, 'twill vex me to the blood if any of these long letters
should miscarry: if they do, I will shrink to half-sheets again; but then
what will you do to make up the journal? there will be ten days of Presto's
life lost; and that will be a sad thing, faith and troth.--At night. I was at
a loss today for a dinner, unless I would have gone a great way, so I dined
with some friends that board hereabout,[45] as a spunger;[46] and this evening
Sir Andrew Fountaine would needs have me go to the tavern; where, for two
bottles of wine, Portugal and Florence, among three of us, we had sixteen
shillings to pay; but if ever he catches me so again, I'll spend as many
pounds: and therefore I have it among my extraordinaries but we had a neck of
mutton dressed a la Maintenon, that the dog could not eat: and it is now
twelve o'clock, and I must go sleep. I hope this letter will go before I have
MD's third. Do you believe me? and yet, faith, I long for MD's third too and
yet I would have it to say, that I writ five for two. I am not fond at all of
St. James's Coffee-house,[47] as I used to be. I hope it will mend in winter;
but now they are all out of town at elections, or not come from their country
houses. Yesterday I was going with Dr. Garth[48] to dine with Charles
Main,[49] near the Tower, who has an employment there: he is of Ireland; the
Bishop of Clogher knows him well: an honest, good-natured fellow, a thorough
hearty laugher, mightily beloved by the men of wit: his mistress is never
above a cook-maid. And so, good-night, etc.
9. I dined to-day at Sir John Stanley's; my Lady Stanley[50] is one of my
favourites: I have as many here as the Bishop of Killala has in Ireland. I
am thinking what scurvy company I shall be to MD when I come back: they know
everything of me already: I will tell you no more, or I shall have nothing to
say, no story to tell, nor any kind of thing. I was very uneasy last night
with ugly, nasty, filthy wine, that turned sour on my stomach. I must go to
the tavern: oh, but I told you that before. To-morrow I dine at Harley's,
and will finish this letter at my return; but I can write no more now, because
of the Archbishop: faith, 'tis true; for I am going now to write to him an
account of what I have done in the business with Harley:[51] and, faith, young
women, I'll tell you what you must count upon, that I never will write one
word on the third side in these long letters.
10. Poor MD's letter was lying so huddled up among papers, I could not find
it: I mean poor Presto's letter. Well, I dined with Mr. Harley to-day, and
hope some things will be done; but I must say no more: and this letter must
be sent to the post-house, and not by the bellman.[52] I am to dine again
there on Sunday next; I hope to some good issue. And so now, soon as ever I
can in bed, I must begin my 6th to MD as gravely as if I had not written a
word this month: fine doings, faith! Methinks I don't write as I should,
because I am not in bed: see the ugly wide lines. God Almighty ever bless
you, etc.
Faith, this is a whole treatise; I'll go reckon the lines on the other sides.
I've reckoned them.[53]
