LETTER 8.
LONDON, Oct. 31, 1710.
So, now I have sent my seventh to your fourth, young women; and now I will
tell you what I would not in my last, that this morning, sitting in my bed, I
had a fit of giddiness: the room turned round for about a minute, and then it
went off, leaving me sickish, but not very: and so I passed the day as I told
you; but I would not end a letter with telling you this, because it might vex
you: and I hope in God I shall have no more of it. I saw Dr. Cockburn[1] to-
day, and he promises to send me the pills that did me good last year; and
likewise has promised me an oil for my ear, that he has been making for that
ailment for somebody else.
Nov. 1. I wish MD a merry new year. You know this is the first day of it
with us.[2] I had no giddiness to-day; but I drank brandy, and have bought a
pint for two shillings. I sat up the night before my giddiness pretty late,
and writ very much; so I will impute it to that. But I never eat fruit, nor
drink ale; but drink better wine than you do, as I did to-day with Mr. Addison
at Lord Mountjoy's: then went at five to see Mr. Harley, who could not see me
for much company; but sent me his excuse, and desired I would dine with him on
Friday; and then I expect some answer to this business, which must either be
soon done, or begun again; and then the Duke of Ormond and his people will
interfere for their honour, and do nothing. I came home at six, and spent my
time in my chamber, without going to the Coffee-house, which I grow weary of;
and I studied at leisure, writ not above forty lines, some inventions of my
own, and some hints, and read not at all, and this because I would take care
of Presto, for fear little MD should be angry.
2. I took my four pills last night, and they lay an hour in my throat, and so
they will do to-night. I suppose I could swallow four affronts as easily. I
dined with Dr. Cockburn to-day, and came home at seven; but Mr. Ford has been
with me till just now, and it is near eleven. I have had no giddiness to-day.
Mr. Dopping[3] I have seen; and he tells me coldly, my "Shower" is liked well
enough; there's your Irish judgment! I writ this post to the Bishop of
Clogher. It is now just a fortnight since I heard from you. I must have you
write once a fortnight, and then I will allow for wind and weather. How goes
ombre? Does Mrs. Walls[4] win constantly, as she used to do? And Mrs.
Stoyte;[5] I have not thought of her this long time: how does she? I find we
have a cargo of Irish coming for London: I am sorry for it; but I never go
near them. And Tighe is landed; but Mrs. Wesley,[6] they say, is going home
to her husband, like a fool. Well, little monkeys mine, I must go write; and
so goodnight.
3. I ought to read these letters I write, after I have done; for, looking
over thus much, I found two or three literal mistakes, which should not be
when the hand is so bad. But I hope it does not puzzle little Dingley to
read, for I think I mend: but methinks, when I write plain, I do not know
how, but we are not alone, all the world can see us. A bad scrawl is so snug,
it looks like a PMD.[7] We have scurvy Tatlers of late: so pray do not
suspect me. I have one or two hints I design to send him, and never any more:
he does not deserve it. He is governed by his wife most abominably,[8] as bad
as ----. I never saw her since I came; nor has he ever made me an invitation:
either he dares not, or is such a thoughtless Tisdall[9] fellow, that he never
minds[10] it. So what care I for his wit? for he is the worst company in the
world, till he has a bottle of wine in his head. I cannot write straighter in
bed, so you must be content.--At night in bed. Stay, let me see where's this
letter to MD among these papers? Oh! here. Well, I will go on now; but I am
very busy (smoke the new pen.) I dined with Mr. Harley to-day, and am invited
there again on Sunday. I have now leave to write to the Primate and
Archbishop of Dublin, that the Queen has granted the First-Fruits; but they
are to take no notice of it, till a letter is sent them by the Queen's orders
from Lord Dartmouth, Secretary of State, to signify it. The bishops are to be
made a corporation, to dispose of the revenue, etc.; and I shall write to the
Archbishop of Dublin to-morrow (I have had no giddiness to-day). I know not
whether they will have any occasion for me longer to be here; nor can I judge
till I see what letter the Queen sends to the bishops, and what they will do
upon it. If despatch be used, it may be done in six weeks; but I cannot
judge. They sent me to-day a new Commission, signed by the Primate and
Archbishop of Dublin,[11] and promise me letters to the two archbishops here;
but mine a ---- for it all. The thing is done, and has been so these ten
days; though I had only leave to tell it to-day. I had this day likewise a
letter from the Bishop of Clogher, who complains of my not writing; and, what
vexes me, says he knows you have long letters from me every week. Why do you
tell him so? 'Tis not right, faith: but I won't be angry with MD at
distance. I writ to him last post, before I had his; and will write again
soon, since I see he expects it, and that Lord and Lady Mountjoy[12] put him
off upon me, to give themselves ease. Lastly, I had this day a letter from a
certain naughty rogue called MD, and it was N. 5; which I shall not answer to-
night, I thank you. No, faith, I have other fish to fry; but to-morrow or
next day will be time enough. I have put MD's commissions in a memorandum
paper. I think I have done all before, and remember nothing but this to-day
about glasses and spectacles and spectacle cases. I have no commission from
Stella, but the chocolate and handkerchiefs; and those are bought, and I
expect they will be soon sent. I have been with, and sent to, Mr. Sterne, two
or three times to know; but he was not within. Odds my life, what am I doing?
I must go write and do business.
4. I dined to-day at Kensington, with Addison, Steele, etc., came home, and
writ a short letter to the Archbishop of Dublin, to let him know the Queen has
granted the thing, etc. I writ in the Coffee-house, for I stayed at
Kensington till nine, and am plaguy weary; for Colonel Proud[13] was very ill
company, and I will never be of a party with him again; and I drank punch, and
that and ill company has made me hot.
5. I was with Mr. Harley from dinner to seven this night, and went to the
Coffee-house, where Dr. Davenant[14] would fain have had me gone and drink a
bottle of wine at his house hard by, with Dr. Chamberlen,[15] but the puppy
used so many words, that I was afraid of his company; and though we promised
to come at eight, I sent a messenger to him, that Chamberlen was going to a
patient, and therefore we would put it off till another time: so he, and the
Comptroller,[16] and I, were prevailed on by Sir Matthew Dudley to go to his
house, where I stayed till twelve, and left them. Davenant has been teasing
me to look over some of his writings that he is going to publish; but the
rogue is so fond of his own productions, that I hear he will not part with a
syllable; and he has lately put out a foolish pamphlet, called The Third Part
of Tom Double; to make his court to the Tories, whom he had left.
6. I was to-day gambling[17] in the City to see Patty Rolt, who is going to
Kingston, where she lodges; but, to say the truth, I had a mind for a walk to
exercise myself, and happened to be disengaged: for dinners are ten times
more plentiful with me here than ever, or than in Dublin. I won't answer your
letter yet, because I am busy. I hope to send this before I have another from
MD: it would be a sad thing to answer two letters together, as MD does from
Presto. But when the two sides are full, away the letter shall go, that is
certain, like it or not like it; and that will be about three days hence, for
the answering-night will be a long one.
7. I dined to-day at Sir Richard Temple's, with Congreve, Vanbrugh,
Lieutenant-General Farrington,[18] etc. Vanbrugh, I believe I told you, had a
long quarrel with me about those verses on his house;[19] but we were very
civil and cold. Lady Marlborough used to tease him with them, which had made
him angry, though he be a good-natured fellow. It was a Thanksgiving-day,[20]
and I was at Court, where the Queen passed us by with all Tories about her;
not one Whig: Buckingham,[21] Rochester,[22] Leeds,[23] Shrewsbury, Berkeley
of Stratton, Lord Keeper Harcourt, Mr. Harley, Lord Pembroke, etc.; and I have
seen her without one Tory. The Queen made me a curtsey, and said, in a sort
of familiar way to Presto, "How does MD?" I considered she was a Queen, and
so excused her.[24] I do not miss the Whigs at Court; but have as many
acquaintance there as formerly.
8. Here's ado and a clutter! I must now answer MD's fifth; but first you
must know I dined at the Portugal Envoy's[25] to-day, with Addison, Vanbrugh,
Admiral Wager,[26] Sir Richard Temple,[27] Methuen,[28] etc. I was weary of
their company, and stole away at five, and came home like a good boy, and
studied till ten, and had a fire, O ho! and now am in bed. I have no
fireplace in my bed-chamber; but 'tis very warm weather when one's in bed.
Your fine cap,[29] Madam Dingley, is too little, and too hot: I will have
that fur taken off; I wish it were far enough; and my old velvet cap is good
for nothing. Is it velvet under the fur? I was feeling, but cannot find: if
it be, 'twill do without it else I will face it; but then I must buy new
velvet: but may be I may beg a piece. What shall I do? Well, now to rogue
MD's letter. God be thanked for Stella's eyes mending; and God send it holds;
but faith you writ too much at a time: better write less, or write it at ten
times. Yes, faith, a long letter in a morning from a dear friend is a dear
thing. I smoke a compliment, little mischievous girls, I do so. But who are
those WIGGS that think I am turned Tory? Do you mean Whigs? Which WIGGS and
WAT do you mean? I know nothing of Raymond, and only had one letter from him
a little after I came here.[Pray remember Morgan.) Raymond is indeed like to
have much influence over me in London, and to share much of my conversation.
I shall, no doubt, introduce him to Harley, and Lord Keeper, and the Secretary
of State. The Tatler upon Ithuriel's spear[30] is not mine, madam. What a
puzzle there is betwixt you and your judgment! In general you may be
sometimes sure of things, as that about STYLE,[31] because it is what I have
frequently spoken of; but guessing is mine a----, and I defy mankind, if I
please. Why, I writ a pamphlet when I was last in London, that you and a
thousand have seen, and never guessed it to be mine. Could you have guessed
the "Shower in Town" to be mine? How chance you did not see that before your
last letter went? but I suppose you in Ireland did not think it worth
mentioning. Nor am I suspected for the lampoon; only Harley said he smoked
me; (have I told you so before?) and some others knew it. 'Tis called "The
Rod of Sid Hamet." And I have written several other things that I hear
commended, and nobody suspects me for them; nor you shall not know till I see
you again. What do you mean, "That boards near me, that I dine with now and
then?" I know no such person: I do not dine with boarders. What the pox!
You know whom I have dined with every day since I left you, better than I do.
What do you mean, sirrah? Slids, my ailment has been over these two months
almost. Impudence, if you vex me, I will give ten shillings a week for my
lodging; for I am almost st--k out of this with the sink, and it helps me to
verses in my "Shower."[32] Well, Madam Dingley, what say you to the world to
come? What ballad? Why go look, it was not good for much: have patience
till I come back: patience is a gay thing as, etc. I hear nothing of Lord
Mountjoy's coming for Ireland. When is Stella's birthday? in March? Lord
bless me, my turn at Christ Church;[33] it is so natural to hear you write
about that, I believe you have done it a hundred times; it is as fresh in my
mind, the verger coming to you; and why to you? Would he have you preach for
me? O, pox on your spelling of Latin, Johnsonibus atque, that is the way.
How did the Dean get that name by the end? 'Twas you betrayed me: not I,
faith; I'll not break his head. Your mother is still in the country, I
suppose; for she promised to see me when she came to town. I writ to her four
days ago, to desire her to break it to Lady Giffard, to put some money for you
in the Bank, which was then fallen thirty per cent. Would to God mine had
been here, I should have gained one hundred pounds, and got as good interest
as in Ireland, and much securer. I would fain have borrowed three hundred
pounds; but money is so scarce here, there is no borrowing, by this fall of
stocks. 'Tis rising now, and I knew it would: it fell from one hundred and
twenty-nine to ninety-six. I have not heard since from your mother. Do you
think I would be so unkind not to see her, that you desire me in a style so
melancholy? Mrs. Raymond,[34] you say, is with child: I am sorry for it; and
so is, I believe, her husband. Mr. Harley speaks all the kind things to me in
the world; and, I believe, would serve me, if I were to stay here; but I
reckon in time the Duke of Ormond may give me some addition to Laracor. Why
should the Whigs think I came to England to leave them? Sure my journey was
no secret. I protest sincerely, I did all I could to hinder it, as the Dean
can tell you, although now I do not repent it. But who the Devil cares what
they think? Am I under obligations in the least to any of them all? Rot 'em,
for ungrateful dogs; I will make them repent their usage before I leave this
place. They say here the same thing of my leaving the Whigs; but they own
they cannot blame me, considering the treatment I have had. I will take care
of your spectacles, as I told you before, and of the Bishop of Killala's; but
I will not write to him, I have not time. What do you mean by my fourth,
Madam Dinglibus? Does not Stella say you have had my fifth, Goody Blunder?
You frighted me till I looked back. Well, this is enough for one night. Pray
give my humble service to Mrs. Stoyte and her sister, Kate is it, or
Sarah?[35] I have forgot her name, faith. I think I will even (and to Mrs.
Walls and the Archdeacon) send this to-morrow: no, faith, that will be in ten
days from the last. I will keep it till Saturday, though I write no more.
But what if a letter from MD should come in the meantime? Why then I would
only say, "Madam, I have received your sixth letter; your most humble servant
to command, Presto"; and so conclude. Well, now I will write and think a
little, and so to bed, and dream of MD.
9. I have my mouth full of water, and was going to spit it out, because I
reasoned with myself, how could I write when my mouth was full? Han't you
done things like that, reasoned wrong at first thinking? Well, I was to see
Mr. Lewis this morning, and am to dine a few days hence, as he tells me, with
Mr. Secretary St. John; and I must contrive to see Harley soon again, to
hasten this business from the Queen. I dined to-day at Lord Mountrath's,[36]
with Lord Mountjoy,[37] etc.; but the wine was not good, so I came away,
stayed at the Coffee-house till seven, then came home to my fire, the
maidenhead of my second half-bushel, and am now in bed at eleven, as usual.
'Tis mighty warm; yet I fear I should catch cold this wet weather, if I sat an
evening in my room after coming from warm places: and I must make much of
myself, because MD is not here to take care of Presto; and I am full of
business, writing, etc., and do not care for the Coffee-house; and so this
serves for all together, not to tell it you over and over, as silly people do;
but Presto is a wiser man, faith, than so, let me tell you, gentlewomen. See,
I am got to the third side; but, faith, I will not do that often; but I must
say something early to-day, till the letter is done, and on Saturday it shall
go; so I must leave something till to-morrow, till to-morrow and next day.
10. O Lord, I would this letter was with you with all my heart! If it should
miscarry, what a deal would be lost! I forgot to leave a gap in the last line
but one for the seal, like a puppy; but I should have allowed for night,
goodnight; but when I am taking leave, I cannot leave a bit, faith; but I
fancy the seal will not come there. I dined to-day at Lady Lucy's, where they
ran down my "Shower"; and said, "Sid Hamet" was the silliest poem they ever
read; and told Prior so, whom they thought to be author of it. Don't you
wonder I never dined there before? But I am too busy, and they live too far
off; and, besides, I do not like women so much as I did. (MD, you must know,
are not women.) I supped to-night at Addison's, with Garth, Steele, and Mr.
Dopping; and am come home late. Lewis has sent to me to desire I will dine
with some company I shall like. I suppose it is Mr. Secretary St. John's
appointment. I had a letter just now from Raymond, who is at Bristol, and
says he will be at London in a fortnight, and leave his wife behind him; and
desires any lodging in the house where I am: but that must not be. I shall
not know what to do with him in town: to be sure, I will not present him to
any acquaintance of mine; and he will live a delicate life, a parson and a
perfect stranger! Paaast twelvvve o'clock,[38] and so good-night, etc. Oh!
but I forgot, Jemmy Leigh is come to town; says he has brought Dingley's
things, and will send them with the first convenience. My parcel, I hear, is
not sent yet. He thinks of going for Ireland in a month, etc. I cannot write
tomorrow, because--what, because of the Archbishop; because I will seal my
letter early; because I am engaged from noon till night; because of many kind
of things; and yet I will write one or two words to-morrow morning, to keep up
my journal constant, and at night I will begin my ninth.
11. Morning by candlelight. You must know that I am in my nightgown every
morning between six and seven, and Patrick is forced to ply me fifty times
before I can get on my nightgown; and so now I will take my leave of my own
dear MD for this letter, and begin my next when I come home at night. God
Almighty bless and protect dearest MD. Farewell, etc.
This letter's as long as a sermon, faith.
