LETTER 11.
LONDON, Dec. 9, 1710.
So, young women, I have just sent my tenth to the post-office, and, as I told
you, have received your seventh (faith, I am afraid I mistook, and said your
sixth, and then we shall be all in confusion this month.) Well, I told you I
dined with Lord Abercorn to-day; and that is enough till by and bye; for I
must go write idle things, and twittle twattle.[1] What's here to do with
your little MD's? and so I put this by for a while. 'Tis now late, and I can
only say MD is a dear, saucy rogue, and what then? Presto loves them the
better.
10. This son of a b---- Patrick is out of the way, and I can do nothing; am
forced to borrow coals: 'tis now six o'clock, and I am come home after a pure
walk in the park; delicate weather, begun only to-day. A terrible storm last
night: we hear one of your packet-boats is cast away, and young Beau Swift[2]
in it, and General Sankey:[3] I know not the truth; you will before me.
Raymond talks of leaving the town in a few days, and going in a month to
Ireland, for fear his wife should be too far gone, and forced to be brought to
bed here. I think he is in the right; but perhaps this packet-boat will
fright him. He has no relish for London; and I do not wonder at it. He has
got some Templars from Ireland that show him the town. I do not let him see
me above twice a week, and that only while I am dressing in the morning.--So,
now the puppy's come in, and I have got my own ink, but a new pen; and so now
you are rogues and sauceboxes till I go to bed; for I must go study, sirrahs.
Now I think of it, tell the Bishop of Clogher, he shall not cheat me of one
inch of my bell metal. You know it is nothing but to save the town money; and
Enniskillen can afford it better than Laracor: he shall have but one thousand
five hundred weight. I have been reading, etc., as usual, and am now going to
bed; and I find this day's article is long enough: so get you gone till to-
morrow, and then. I dined with Sir Matthew Dudley.
11. I am come home again as yesterday, and the puppy had again locked up my
ink, notwithstanding all I said to him yesterday; but he came home a little
after me, so all is well: they are lighting my fire, and I'll go study. The
fair weather is gone again, and it has rained all day. I do not like this
open weather, though some say it is healthy. They say it is a false report
about the plague at Newcastle.[4] I have no news to-day: I dined with Mrs.
Vanhomrigh, to desire them to buy me a scarf; and Lady Abercorn[5] is to buy
me another, to see who does best: mine is all in rags. I saw the Duke of
Richmond[6] yesterday at Court again, but would not speak to him: I believe
we are fallen out. I am now in bed; and it has rained all this evening, like
wildfire: have you so much rain in your town? Raymond was in a fright, as I
expected, upon the news of this shipwreck; but I persuaded him, and he leaves
this town in a week. I got him acquainted with Sir Robert Raymond,[7] the
Solicitor-General, who owns him to be of his family; and I believe it may do
him a kindness, by being recommended to your new Lord Chancellor.--I had a
letter from Mrs. Long, that has quite turned my stomach against her: no less
than two nasty jests in it, with dashes to suppose them. She is corrupted in
that country town[8] with vile conversation.--I will not answer your letter
till I have leisure: so let this go on as it will, what care I? what cares
saucy Presto?
12. I was to-day at the Secretary's office with Lewis, and in came Lord
Rivers;[9] who took Lewis out and whispered him; and then came up to me to
desire my acquaintance, etc., so we bowed and complimented a while, and parted
and I dined with Phil. Savage[10] and his Irish Club, at their boarding-place;
and, passing an evening scurvily enough, did not come home till eight. Mr.
Addison and I hardly meet once a fortnight; his Parliament and my different
friendships keep us asunder. Sir Matthew Dudley turned away his butler
yesterday morning; and at night the poor fellow died suddenly in the streets:
was not it an odd event? But what care you? But then I knew the butler.--
Why, it seems your packet-boat is not lost: psha, how silly that is, when I
had already gone through the forms, and said it was a sad thing, and that I
was sorry for it! But when must I answer this letter of our MD's? Here it
is, it lies between this paper on t'other side of the leaf: one of these odd-
come-shortly's I'll consider, and so good-night.
13. Morning. I am to go trapesing with Lady Kerry[11] and Mrs. Pratt[12] to
see sights all this day: they engaged me yesterday morning at tea. You hear
the havoc making in the army: Meredith, Maccartney, and Colonel Honeywood[13]
are obliged to sell their commands at half-value, and leave the army, for
drinking destruction to the present Ministry, and dressing up a hat on a
stick, and calling it Harley; then drinking a glass with one hand, and
discharging a pistol with the other at the maukin,[14] wishing it were Harley
himself; and a hundred other such pretty tricks, as inflaming their soldiers,
and foreign Ministers, against the late changes at Court. Cadogan[15] has had
a little paring: his mother[16] told me yesterday he had lost the place of
Envoy; but I hope they will go no further with him, for he was not at those
mutinous meetings.--Well, these saucy jades take up so much of my time with
writing to them in a morning; but, faith, I am glad to see you whenever I can:
a little snap and away; and so hold your tongue, for I must rise: not a word,
for your life. How nowww? So, very well; stay till I come home, and then,
perhaps, you may hear further from me. And where will you go to-day, for I
can't be with you for these ladies? It is a rainy, ugly day. I'd have you
send for Walls, and go to the Dean's; but don't play small games when you
lose. You'll be ruined by Manilio, Basto, the queen, and two small trumps, in
red.[17] I confess 'tis a good hand against the player: but then there are
Spadilio, Punto, the king, strong trumps, against you, which, with one trump
more, are three tricks ten ace: for, suppose you play your Manilio--Oh,
silly, how I prate, and can't get away from this MD in a morning! Go, get you
gone, dear naughty girls, and let me rise. There, Patrick locked up my ink
again the third time last night: the rogue gets the better of me; but I will
rise in spite of you, sirrahs.--At night. Lady Kerry, Mrs. Pratt, Mrs.
Cadogan,[18] and I, in one coach; Lady Kerry's son[19] and his governor, and
two gentlemen, in another; maids, and misses and little master (Lord
Shelburne's[20] children, in a third, all hackneys, set out at ten o'clock
this morning from Lord Shelburne's house in Piccadilly to the Tower, and saw
all the sights, lions,[21] etc.; then to Bedlam;[22] then dined at the chop-
house behind the Exchange; then to Gresham College[23] (but the keeper was not
at home); and concluded the night at the Puppet-show,[24] whence we came home
safe at eight, and I left them. The ladies were all in mobs[25] (how do you
call it?), undrest; and it was the rainiest day that ever dripped; and I am
weary; and it is now past eleven.
14. Stay, I'll answer some of your letter this morning in bed: let me see;
come and appear, little letter. Here I am, says he: and what say you to Mrs.
MD this morning fresh and fasting? Who dares think MD negligent? I allow
them a fortnight; and they give it me. I could fill a letter in a week; but
it is longer every day; and so I keep it a fortnight, and then 'tis cheaper by
one half. I have never been giddy, dear Stella, since that morning: I have
taken a whole box of pills, and kecked[26] at them every night, and drank a
pint of brandy at mornings.--Oh then, you kept Presto's little birthday:[27]
would to God I had been with you! I forgot it, as I told you before.
REdiculous, madam? I suppose you mean rIdiculous: let me have no more of
that; 'tis the author of the Atalantis's[28] spelling. I have mended it in
your letter. And can Stella read this writing without hurting her dear eyes?
O, faith, I am afraid not. Have a care of those eyes, pray, pray, pretty
Stella.--'Tis well enough what you observe, that, if I writ better, perhaps
you would not read so well, being used to this manner; 'tis an alphabet you
are used to: you know such a pot-hook makes a letter; and you know what
letter, and so and so.--I'll swear he told me so, and that they were long
letters too; but I told him it was a gasconnade of yours, etc. I am talking
of the Bishop of Clogher, how he forgot. Turn over.[29] I had not room on
t'other side to say that, so I did it on this: I fancy that's a good Irish
blunder. Ah, why do not you go down to Clogher, nautinautinautideargirls; I
dare not say nauti without dear: O, faith, you govern me. But, seriously,
I'm sorry you don't go, as far as I can judge at this distance. No, we would
get you another horse; I will make Parvisol get you one. I always doubted
that horse of yours: prythee sell him, and let it be a present to me. My
heart aches when I think you ride him. Order Parvisol to sell him, and that
you are to return me the money: I shall never be easy until he is out of your
hands. Faith, I have dreamt five or six times of horses stumbling since I had
your letter. If he can't sell him, let him run this winter. Faith, if I was
near you, I would whip your ---- to some tune, for your grave, saucy answer
about the Dean and Johnsonibus; I would, young women. And did the Dean preach
for me?[30] Very well. Why, would they have me stand here and preach to
them? No, the Tatler of the Shilling[31] was not mine, more than the hint,
and two or three general heads for it. I have much more important business on
my hands; and, besides, the Ministry hate to think that I should help him, and
have made reproaches on it; and I frankly told them I would do it no more.
This is a secret though, Madam Stella. You win eight shillings? you win eight
fiddlesticks. Faith, you say nothing of what you lose, young women.--I hope
Manley is in no great danger; for Ned Southwell is his friend, and so is Sir
Thomas Frankland; and his brother John Manley stands up heartily for him. On
t'other side, all the gentlemen of Ireland here are furiously against him.
Now, Mistress Dingley, an't you an impudent slut, to expect a letter next
packet from Presto, when you confess yourself that you had so lately two
letters in four days? Unreasonable baggage! No, little Dingley, I am always
in bed by twelve; I mean my candle is out by twelve, and I take great care of
myself. Pray let everybody know, upon occasion, that Mr. Harley got the
First-Fruits from the Queen for the clergy of Ireland, and that nothing
remains but the forms, etc. So you say the Dean and you dined at Stoyte's,
and Mrs. Stoyte was in raptures that I remembered her. I must do it but
seldom, or it will take off her rapture. But what now, you saucy sluts? all
this written in a morning, and I must rise and go abroad. Pray stay till
night: do not think I will squander mornings upon you, pray, good madam.
Faith, if I go on longer in this trick of writing in the morning, I shall be
afraid of leaving it off, and think you expect it, and be in awe. Good-
morrow, sirrahs, I will rise.--At night. I went to-day to the Court of
Requests (I will not answer the rest of your letter yet, that by the way, in
hopes to dine with Mr. Harley: but Lord Dupplin,[32] his son-in-law, told me
he did not dine at home; so I was at a loss, until I met with Mr. Secretary
St. John, and went home and dined with him, where he told me of a good
bite.[33] Lord Rivers told me two days ago, that he was resolved to come
Sunday fortnight next to hear me preach before the Queen. I assured him the
day was not yet fixed, and I knew nothing of it. To-day the Secretary told me
that his father, Sir Harry St. John,[34] and Lord Rivers were to be at St.
James's Church, to hear me preach there; and were assured I was to preach: so
there will be another bite; for I know nothing of the matter, but that Mr.
Harley and St. John are resolved I must preach before the Queen; and the
Secretary of State has told me he will give me three weeks' warning; but I
desired to be excused, which he will not. St. John, "You shall not be
excused": however, I hope they will forget it; for if it should happen, all
the puppies hereabouts will throng to hear me, and expect something wonderful,
and be plaguily baulked; for I shall preach plain honest stuff. I stayed with
St. John till eight, and then came home; and Patrick desired leave to go
abroad, and by and by comes up the girl to tell me, a gentleman was below in a
coach, who had a bill to pay me; so I let him come up, and who should it be
but Mr. Addison and Sam Dopping, to haul me out to supper, where I stayed till
twelve. If Patrick had been at home, I should have 'scaped this; for I have
taught him to deny me almost as well as Mr. Harley's porter.--Where did I
leave off in MD's letter? let me see. So, now I have it. You are pleased to
say, Madam Dingley, that those who go for England can never tell when to come
back. Do you mean this as a reflection upon Presto, madam? Sauceboxes, I
will come back as soon as I can, as hope saved,[35] and I hope with some
advantage, unless all Ministries be alike, as perhaps they may. I hope
Hawkshaw is in Dublin before now, and that you have your things, and like your
spectacles: if you do not, you shall have better. I hope Dingley's tobacco
did not spoil Stella's chocolate, and that all is safe: pray let me know.
Mr. Addison and I are different as black and white, and I believe our
friendship will go off, by this damned business of party: he cannot bear
seeing me fall in so with this Ministry: but I love him still as well as
ever, though we seldom meet.--Hussy, Stella, you jest about poor Congreve's
eyes;[36] you do so, hussy; but I'll bang your bones, faith.--Yes, Steele was
a little while in prison, or at least in a spunging-house, some time before I
came, but not since.[37]--Pox on your convocations, and your Lamberts;[38]
they write with a vengeance! I suppose you think it a piece of affectation in
me to wish your Irish folks would not like my "Shower,"; but you are mistaken.
I should be glad to have the general applause there as I have here (though I
say it); but I have only that of one or two, and therefore I would have none
at all, but let you all be in the wrong. I don't know, this is not what I
would say; but I am so tosticated with supper and stuff, that I can't express
myself.--What you say of "Sid Hamet" is well enough; that an enemy should like
it, and a friend not; and that telling the author would make both change their
opinions. Why did you not tell Griffyth[39] that you fancied there was
something in it of my manner; but first spur up his commendation to the
height, as we served my poor uncle about the sconce that I mended? Well, I
desired you to give what I intended for an answer to Mrs. Fenton,[40] to save
her postage, and myself trouble; and I hope I have done it, if you han't.
15. Lord, what a long day's writing was yesterday's answer to your letter,
sirrahs! I dined to-day with Lewis and Ford, whom I have brought acquainted.
Lewis told me a pure thing. I had been hankering with Mr. Harley to save
Steele his other employment, and have a little mercy on him; and I had been
saying the same thing to Lewis, who is Mr. Harley's chief favourite. Lewis
tells Mr. Harley how kindly I should take it, if he would be reconciled to
Steele, etc. Mr. Harley, on my account, falls in with it, and appoints Steele
a time to let him attend him, which Steele accepts with great submission, but
never comes, nor sends any excuse. Whether it was blundering, sullenness,
insolence, or rancour of party, I cannot tell; but I shall trouble myself no
more about him. I believe Addison hindered him out of mere spite, being
grated[41] to the soul to think he should ever want my help to save his
friend; yet now he is soliciting me to make another of his friends Queen's
Secretary at Geneva; and I'll do it if I can; it is poor Pastoral Philips.[42]
16. O, why did you leave my picture behind you at t'other lodgings? Forgot
it? Well; but pray remember it now, and don't roll it up, d'ye hear; but hang
it carefully in some part of your room, where chairs and candles and mop-
sticks won't spoil it, sirrahs. No, truly, I will not be godfather to Goody
Walls this bout, and I hope she will have no more. There will be no quiet nor
cards for this child. I hope it will die the day after the christening. Mr.
Harley gave me a paper, with an account of the sentence you speak of against
the lads that defaced the statue,[43] and that Ingoldsby[44] reprieved that
part of it of standing before the statue. I hope it was never executed. We
have got your Broderick out;[45] Doyne[46] is to succeed him, and Cox[47]
Doyne. And so there's an end of your letter; 'tis all answered; and now I
must go on upon my own stock. Go on, did I say? Why, I have written enough;
but this is too soon to send it yet, young women; faith, I dare not use you to
it, you'll always expect it; what remains shall be only short journals of a
day, and so I'll rise for this morning.--At night. I dined with my opposite
neighbour, Darteneuf; and I was soliciting this day to present the Bishop of
Clogher Vice-Chancellor;[48] but it won't do; they are all set against him,
and the Duke of Ormond, they say, has resolved to dispose of it somewhere
else. Well; little saucy rogues, do not stay out too late to-night, because
it is Saturday night, and young women should come home soon then.
17. I went to Court to seek a dinner: but the Queen was not at church, she
has got a touch of the gout; so the Court was thin, and I went to the Coffee-
house; and Sir Thomas Frankland and his eldest son and I went and dined with
his son William.[49] I talked a great deal to Sir Thomas about Manley; and
find he is his good friend, and so has Ned Southwell been, and I hope he will
be safe, though all the Irish folks here are his mortal enemies. There was a
devilish bite to-day. They had it, I know not how, that I was to preach this
morning at St. James's Church; an abundance went, among the rest Lord Radnor,
who never is abroad till three in the afternoon. I walked all the way home
from Hatton Garden at six, by moonlight, a delicate night. Raymond called at
nine, but I was denied; and now I am in bed between eleven and twelve, just
going to sleep, and dream of my own dear roguish impudent pretty MD.
18. You will now have short days' works, just a few lines to tell you where I
am, and what I am doing; only I will keep room for the last day to tell you
news, if there be any worth sending. I have been sometimes like to do it at
the top of my letter, until I remark it would be old before it reached you. I
was hunting to dine with Mr. Harley to-day, but could not find him; and so I
dined with honest Dr. Cockburn, and came home at six, and was taken out to
next door by Dopping and Ford, to drink bad claret and oranges; and we let
Raymond come to us, who talks of leaving the town to-morrow, but I believe
will stay a day or two longer. It is now late, and I will say no more, but
end this line with bidding my own dear saucy MD goodnight, etc.
19. I am come down proud stomach in one instance, for I went to-day to see
the Duke of Buckingham,[50] but came too late: then I visited Mrs.
Barton,[51] and thought to have dined with some of the Ministry; but it
rained, and Mrs. Vanhomrigh was nigh, and I took the opportunity of paying her
for a scarf she bought me, and dined there; at four I went to congratulate
with Lord Shelburne, for the death of poor Lady Shelburne dowager;[52] he was
at his country house, and returned while I was there, and had not heard of it,
and he took it very well. I am now come home before six, and find a packet
from the Bishop of Clogher, with one enclosed to the Duke of Ormond, which is
ten days earlier dated than another I had from Parvisol; however, 'tis no
matter, for the Duke has already disposed of the Vice-Chancellorship to the
Archbishop of Tuam,[53] and I could not help it, for it is a thing wholly you
know in the Duke's power; and I find the Bishop has enemies about the Duke. I
write this while Patrick is folding up my scarf, and doing up the fire (for I
keep a fire, it costs me twelvepence a week); and so be quiet till I am gone
to bed, and then sit down by me a little, and we will talk a few words more.
Well; now MD is at my bedside; and now what shall we say? How does Mrs.
Stoyte? What had the Dean for supper? How much did Mrs. Walls win? Poor
Lady Shelburne: well, go get you to bed, sirrahs.
20. Morning. I was up this morning early, and shaved by candlelight, and
write this by the fireside. Poor Raymond just came in and took his leave of
me; he is summoned by high order from his wife, but pretends he has had enough
of London. I was a little melancholy to part with him; he goes to Bristol,
where they are to be with his merchant brother, and now thinks of staying till
May; so she must be brought to bed in England. He was so easy and manageable,
that I almost repent I suffered him to see me so seldom. But he is gone, and
will save Patrick some lies in a week: Patrick is grown admirable at it, and
will make his fortune. How now, sirrah, must I write in a morning to your
impudence?
Stay till night,
And then I'll write,
In black and white,
By candlelight,
Of wax so bright,
It helps the sight--
A bite, a bite!
Marry come up, Mistress Boldface.--At night. Dr. Raymond came back, and goes
to-morrow. I did not come home till eleven, and found him here to take leave
of me. I went to the Court of Requests, thinking to find Mr. Harley and dine
with him, and refused Henley, and everybody, and at last knew not where to go,
and met Jemmy Leigh by chance, and he was just in the same way, so I dined at
his lodgings on a beef-steak, and drank your health; then left him and went to
the tavern with Ben Tooke and Portlack, the Duke of Ormond's secretary,
drinking nasty white wine till eleven. I am sick, and ashamed of it, etc.
21. I met that beast Ferris, Lord Berkeley's[54] steward formerly; I walked
with him a turn in the Park, and that scoundrel dog is as happy as an emperor,
has married a wife with a considerable estate in land and houses about this
town, and lives at his ease at Hammersmith. See your confounded sect![55]
Well; I had the same luck to-day with Mr. Harley; 'twas a lovely day, and went
by water into the City, and dined with Stratford at a merchant's house, and
walked home with as great a dunce as Ferris, I mean honest Colonel
Caulfeild,[56] and came home by eight, and now am in bed, and going to sleep
for a wager, and will send this letter on Saturday, and so; but first I will
wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year, and pray God we may never
keep them asunder again.
22. Morning. I am going now to Mr. Harley's levee on purpose to vex him; I
will say I had no other way of seeing him, etc. Patrick says it is a dark
morning, and that the Duke of Argyle[57] is to be knighted to-day; the booby
means installed at Windsor. But I must rise, for this is a shaving-day, and
Patrick says there is a good fire; I wish MD were by it, or I by MD's.--At
night. I forgot to tell you, Madam Dingley, that I paid nine shillings for
your glass and spectacles, of which three were for the Bishop's case: I am
sorry I did not buy you such another case; but if you like it, I will bring
one over with me; pray tell me: the glass to read was four shillings, the
spectacles two. And have you had your chocolate? Leigh says he sent the
petticoat by one Mr. Spencer. Pray have you no further commissions for me? I
paid the glass-man but last night, and he would have made me a present of the
microscope worth thirty shillings, and would have sent it home along with me;
I thought the deuce was in the man: he said I could do him more service than
that was worth, etc. I refused his present, but promised him all service I
could do him; and so now I am obliged in honour to recommend him to
everybody.--At night. I went to Mr. Harley's levee; he came and asked me what
I had to do there, and bid me come and dine with him on a family dinner; which
I did, and it was the first time I ever saw his lady[58] and daughter;[59] at
five my Lord Keeper[60] came in: I told Mr. Harley, he had formerly presented
me to Sir Simon Harcourt, but now must to my Lord Keeper; so he laughed, etc.
23. Morning. This letter goes to-night without fail; I hope there is none
from you yet at the Coffee-house; I will send and see by and by, and let you
know, and so and so. Patrick goes to see for a letter: what will you lay, is
there one from MD or no? No, I say; done for sixpence. Why has the Dean
never once written to me? I won sixpence; I won sixpence; there is not one
letter to Presto. Good-morrow, dear sirrahs: Stratford and I dine to-day
with Lord Mountjoy. God Almighty preserve and bless you; farewell, etc.
I have been dining at Lord Mountjoy's; and am come to study; our news from
Spain this post takes off some of our fears. The Parliament is prorogued to-
day, or adjourned rather till after the holidays. Bank Stock is 105, so I may
get 12 shillings for my bargain already. Patrick, the puppy, is abroad, and
how shall I send this letter? Good-night, little dears both, and be happy;
and remember your poor Presto, that wants you sadly, as hope saved. Let me go
study, naughty girls, and don't keep me at the bottom of the paper. O, faith,
if you knew what lies on my hands constantly, you would wonder to see how I
could write such long letters; but we'll talk of that some other time. Good-
night again, and God bless dear MD with His best blessings, yes, yes, and
Dingley and Stella and me too, etc.
Ask the Bishop of Clogher about the pun I sent him of Lord Stawel's
brother;[61] it will be a pure bite. This letter has 199 lines in it, beside
all postscripts; I had a curiosity to reckon.
There is a long letter for you.
It is longer than a sermon, faith.
I had another letter from Mrs. Fenton, who says you were with her; I hope you
did not go on purpose. I will answer her letter soon; it is about some money
in Lady Giffard's hands.
They say you have had eight packets due to you; so pray, madams, do not blame
Presto, but the wind.
My humble service to Mrs. Walls and Mrs. Stoyte; I missed the former a good
while.
