LETTER 32.
LONDON, Oct. 9, 1711.
I was forced to lie down at twelve to-day, and mend my night's sleep: I slept
till after two, and then sent for a bit of mutton and pot of ale from the next
cook's shop, and had no stomach. I went out at four, and called to see Biddy
Floyd, which I had not done these three months: she is something marked, but
has recovered her complexion quite, and looks very well. Then I sat the
evening with Mrs. Vanhomrigh, and drank coffee, and ate an egg. I likewise
took a new lodging to-day, not liking a ground-floor, nor the ill smell, and
other circumstances. I lodge, or shall lodge, by Leicester Fields, and pay
ten shillings a week; that won't hold out long, faith. I shall lie here but
one night more. It rained terribly till one o'clock to-day. I lie, for I
shall lie here two nights, till Thursday, and then remove. Did I tell you
that my friend Mrs. Barton has a brother[1] drowned, that went on the
expedition with Jack Hill? He was a lieutenant-colonel, and a coxcomb; and
she keeps her chamber in form, and the servants say she receives no messages.-
-Answer MD's letter, Presto, d'ye hear? No, says Presto, I won't yet, I'm
busy; you're a saucy rogue. Who talks?
10. It cost me two shillings in coach-hire to dine in the City with a
printer. I have sent, and caused to be sent, three pamphlets out in a
fortnight. I will ply the rogues warm; and whenever anything of theirs makes
a noise, it shall have an answer. I have instructed an under spur-leather to
write so, that it is taken for mine. A rogue that writes a newspaper, called
The Protestant Postboy, has reflected on me in one of his papers; but the
Secretary has taken him up, and he shall have a squeeze extraordinary. He
says that an ambitious tantivy,[2] missing of his towering hopes of preferment
in Ireland, is come over to vent his spleen on the late Ministry, etc. I'll
tantivy him with a vengeance. I sat the evening at home, and am very busy,
and can hardly find time to write, unless it were to MD. I am in furious
haste.
11. I dined to-day with Lord Treasurer. Thursdays are now his days when his
choice company comes, but we are too much multiplied. George Granville sent
his excuses upon being ill; I hear he apprehends the apoplexy, which would
grieve me much. Lord Treasurer calls Prior nothing but Monsieur Baudrier,
which was the feigned name of the Frenchman that writ his Journey to Paris.[3]
They pretend to suspect me, so I talk freely of it, and put them out of their
play. Lord Treasurer calls me now Dr. Martin, because martin[4] is a sort of
a swallow, and so is a swift. When he and I came last Monday from Windsor, we
were reading all the signs on the road.[5] He is a pure trifler; tell the
Bishop of Clogher so. I made him make two lines in verse for the Bell and
Dragon, and they were rare bad ones. I suppose Dilly is with you by this
time: what could his reason be of leaving London, and not owning it? 'Twas
plaguy silly. I believe his natural inconstancy made him weary. I think he
is the king of inconstancy. I stayed with Lord Treasurer till ten; we had
five lords and three commoners. Go to ombre, sirrahs.
12. Mrs. Vanhomrigh has changed her lodging as well as I. She found she had
got with a bawd, and removed. I dined with her to-day; for though she boards,
her landlady does not dine with her. I am grown a mighty lover of herrings;
but they are much smaller here than with you. In the afternoon I visited an
old major-general, and ate six oysters; then sat an hour with Mrs.
Colledge,[6] the joiner's daughter that was hanged; it was the joiner was
hanged, and not his daughter; with Thompson's wife, a magistrate. There was
the famous Mrs. Floyd of Chester, who, I think, is the handsomest woman
(except MD) that ever I saw. She told me that twenty people had sent her the
verses upon Biddy,[7] as meant to her: and, indeed, in point of handsomeness,
she deserves them much better. I will not go to Windsor to-morrow, and so I
told the Secretary to-day. I hate the thoughts of Saturday and Sunday suppers
with Lord Treasurer. Jack Hill is come home from his unfortunate expedition,
and is, I think, now at Windsor: I have not yet seen him. He is privately
blamed by his own friends for want of conduct. He called a council of war,
and therein it was determined to come back. But they say a general should not
do that, because the officers will always give their opinion for returning,
since the blame will not lie upon them, but the general. I pity him heartily.
Bernage received his commission to-day.
13. I dined to-day with Colonel Crowe,[8] late Governor of Barbadoes; he is a
great acquaintance of your friend Sterne, to whom I trusted the box. Lord
Treasurer has refused Sterne's business, and I doubt he is a rake; Jemmy Leigh
stays for him, and nobody knows where to find him. I am so busy now I have
hardly time to spare to write to our little MD, but in a fortnight I hope it
will be over. I am going now to be busy, etc.
14. I was going to dine with Dr. Cockburn, but Sir Andrew Fountaine met me,
and carried me to Mrs. Van's, where I drank the last bottle of Raymond's wine,
admirable good, better than any I get among the Ministry. I must pick up time
to answer this letter of MD's; I'll do it in a day or two for certain.--I am
glad I am not at Windsor, for it is very cold, and I won't have a fire till
November. I am contriving how to stop up my grate with bricks. Patrick was
drunk last night; but did not come to me, else I should have given him t'other
cuff. I sat this evening with Mrs. Barton; it is the first day of her seeing
company; but I made her merry enough, and we were three hours disputing upon
Whig and Tory. She grieved for her brother only for form, and he was a sad
dog. Is Stella well enough to go to church, pray? no numbings left? no
darkness in your eyes? do you walk and exercise? Your exercise is ombre.--
People are coming up to town: the Queen will be at Hampton Court in a week.
Lady Betty Germaine, I hear, is come; and Lord Pembroke is coming: his
wife[9] is as big with child as she can tumble.
15. I sat at home till four this afternoon to-day writing, and ate a roll and
butter; then visited Will Congreve an hour or two, and supped with Lord
Treasurer, who came from Windsor to-day, and brought Prior with him. The
Queen has thanked Prior for his good service in France, and promised to make
him a Commissioner of the Customs. Several of that Commission are to be out;
among the rest, my friend Sir Matthew Dudley. I can do nothing for him, he is
so hated by the Ministry. Lord Treasurer kept me till twelve, so I need not
tell you it is now late.
16. I dined to-day with Mr. Secretary at Dr. Coatesworth's,[10] where he now
lodges till his house be got ready in Golden Square. One Boyer,[11] a French
dog, has abused me in a pamphlet, and I have got him up in a messenger's
hands: the Secretary promises me to swinge him. Lord Treasurer told me last
night that he had the honour to be abused with me in a pamphlet. I must make
that rogue an example, for warning to others. I was to see Jack Hill this
morning, who made that unfortunate expedition; and there is still more
misfortune; for that ship, which was admiral of his fleet,[12] is blown up in
the Thames, by an accident and carelessness of some rogue, who was going, as
they think, to steal some gunpowder: five hundred men are lost. We don't yet
know the particulars. I am got home by seven, and am going to be busy, and
you are going to play and supper; you live ten times happier than I; but I
should live ten times happier than you if I were with MD. I saw Jemmy Leigh
to-day in the street, who tells me that Sterne has not lain above once these
three weeks in his lodgings, and he doubts he takes ill courses; he stays only
till he can find Sterne to go along with him, and he cannot hear of him. I
begged him to inquire about the box when he comes to Chester, which he
promises.
17. The Secretary and I dined to-day with Brigadier Britton,[13] a great
friend of his. The lady of the house is very gallant, about thirty-five; she
is said to have a great deal of wit; but I see nothing among any of them that
equals MD by a bar's length, as hope saved. My Lord Treasurer is much out of
order; he has a sore throat, and the gravel, and a pain in his breast where
the wound was: pray God preserve him. The Queen comes to Hampton Court on
Tuesday next; people are coming fast to town, and I must answer MD's letter,
which I can hardly find time to do, though I am at home the greatest part of
the day. Lady Betty Germaine and I were disputing Whig and Tory to death this
morning. She is grown very fat, and looks mighty well. Biddy Floyd was
there, and she is, I think, very much spoiled with the smallpox.
18. Lord Treasurer is still out of order, and that breaks our method of
dining there to-day. He is often subject to a sore throat, and some time or
other it will kill him, unless he takes more care than he is apt to do. It
was said about the town that poor Lord Peterborow was dead at Frankfort; but
he is something better, and the Queen is sending him to Italy, where I hope
the warm climate will recover him: he has abundance of excellent qualities,
and we love one another mightily. I was this afternoon in the City, ate a bit
of meat, and settled some things with a printer. I will answer your letter on
Saturday, if possible, and then send away this; so to fetch up the odd days I
lost at Windsor, and keep constant to my fortnight. Ombre time is now coming
on, and we shall have nothing but Manley, and Walls, and Stoytes, and the
Dean. Have you got no new acquaintance? Poor girls; nobody knows MD's good
qualities.--'Tis very cold; but I will not have a fire till November, that's
pozz.--Well, but coming home to-night, I found on my table a letter from MD;
faith, I was angry, that is, with myself; and I was afraid too to see MD's
hand so soon, for fear of something, I don't know what: at last I opened it,
and it was over well, and a bill for the two hundred guineas. However, 'tis a
sad thing that this letter is not gone, nor your twenty-first answered yet.
19. I was invited to-day to dine with Mrs. Van, with some company who did not
come; but I ate nothing but herrings; you must know I hardly ever eat of above
one thing, and that the plainest ordinary meat at table; I love it best, and
believe it wholesomest. You love rarities; yes you do; I wish you had all
that I ever see where I go. I was coming home early, and met the Secretary in
his chair, who persuaded me to go with him to Britton's; for he said he had
been all day at business, and had eaten nothing. So I went, and the time
passed so, that we stayed till two, so you may believe 'tis late enough.
20. This day has gone all wrong, by sitting up so late last night. Lord
Treasurer is not yet well, and can't go to Windsor. I dined with Sir Matthew
Dudley, and took occasion to hint to him that he would lose his employment,
for which I am very sorry. Lord Pembroke and his family are all come to town.
I was kept so long at a friend's this evening that I cannot send this to-
night. When I knocked at my lodgings, a fellow asked me where lodged Dr.
Swift? I told him I was the person: he gave me a letter he brought from the
Secretary's office, and I gave him a shilling: when I came up, I saw
Dingley's hand: faith, I was afraid, I do not know what. At last it was a
formal letter, from Dingley about her exchequer business. Well, I'll do it on
Monday, and settle it with Tooke. And now, boys, for your letter, I mean the
first, N.21. Let's see; come out, little letter. I never had the letter from
the Bishop that Raymond mentions; but I have written to Ned Southwell, to
desire the Duke of Ormond to speak to his reverence, that he may leave off his
impertinence. What a pox can they think I am doing for the Archbishop here?
You have a pretty notion of me in Ireland, to make me an agent for the
Archbishop of Dublin.--Why! do you think I value your people's ingratitude
about my part in serving them? I remit them their first-fruits of
ingratitude, as freely as I got the other remitted to them. The Lord
Treasurer defers writing his letter to them, or else they would be plaguily
confounded by this time. For he designs to give the merit of it wholly to the
Queen and me, and to let them know it was done before the Duke of Ormond was
Lord Lieutenant. You visit, you dine abroad, you see friends; you
pilgarlick;[14] you walk from Finglas, you a cat's foot. O Lord--Lady
Gore[15] hung her child by the WAIST; what is that waist?[16] I don't
understand that word; he must hang on till you explain or spell it.--I don't
believe he was pretty, that's a liiii.--Pish! burn your First-Fruits; again at
it. Stella has made twenty false spellings in her writing; I'll send them to
you all back again on the other side of this letter, to mend them; I won't
miss one. Why, I think there were seventeen bishops' names to the letter Lord
Oxford received.--I will send you some pamphlets by Leigh; put me in mind of
it on Monday, for I shall go then to the printer; yes, and the Miscellany. I
am mightily obliged to Walls, but I don't deserve it by any usage of him here,
having seen him but twice, and once en passant. Mrs. Manley forsworn ombre!
What! and no blazing star appear? no monsters born? no whale thrown up? have
you not found out some evasion for her? She had no such regard to oaths in
her younger days. I got the books for nothing, Madam Dingley; but the wine I
got not; it was but a promise.--Yes, my head is pretty well in the main, only
now and then a little threatening or so.--You talk of my reconciling some
great folks. I tell you what. The Secretary told me last night that he had
found the reason why the Queen was cold to him for some months past; that a
friend had told it him yesterday; and it was, that they suspected he was at
the bottom with the Duke of Marlborough. Then he said he had reflected upon
all I had spoken to him long ago, but he thought it had only been my
suspicion, and my zeal and kindness for him. I said I had reason to take that
very ill, to imagine I knew so little of the world as to talk at a venture to
a great Minister; that I had gone between him and Lord Treasurer often, and
told each of them what I had said to the other, and that I had informed him so
before. He said all that you may imagine to excuse himself, and approve my
conduct. I told him I knew all along that this proceeding of mine was the
surest way to send me back to my willows in Ireland, but that I regarded it
not, provided I could do the kingdom service in keeping them well together. I
minded him how often I had told Lord Treasurer, Lord Keeper, and him together,
that all things depended on their union, and that my comfort was to see them
love one another; and I had told them all singly that I had not said this by
chance, etc. He was in a rage to be thus suspected; swears he will be upon a
better foot, or none at all; and I do not see how they can well want him in
this juncture. I hope to find a way of settling this matter. I act an honest
part, that will bring me neither honour nor praise. MD must think the better
of me for it: nobody else shall ever know of it. Here's politics enough for
once; but Madam DD gave me occasion for it. I think I told you I have got
into lodgings that don't smell ill--O Lord! the spectacles: well, I'll do
that on Monday too; although it goes against me to be employed for folks that
neither you nor I care a groat for. Is the eight pounds from Hawkshaw
included in the thirty-nine pounds five shillings and twopence? How do I know
by this how my account stands? Can't you write five or six lines to cast it
up? Mine is forty-four pounds per annum, and eight pounds from Hawkshaw makes
fifty-two pounds. Pray set it right, and let me know; you had best.--And so
now I have answered N.21, and 'tis late, and I will answer N.22 in my next:
this cannot go to-night, but shall on Tuesday: and so go to your play, and
lose your money, with your two eggs a penny; silly jade; you witty? very
pretty.
21. Mrs. Van would have me dine with her again to-day, and so I did, though
Lady Mountjoy has sent two or three times to have me see and dine with her,
and she is a little body I love very well. My head has ached a little in the
evenings these three or four days, but it is not of the giddy sort, so I do
not much value it. I was to see Lord Harley to-day, but Lord Treasurer took
physic; and I could not see him. He has voided much gravel, and is better,
but not well: he talks of going on Tuesday to see the Queen at Hampton Court;
I wish he may be able. I never saw so fine a summer day as this was: how is
it with you, pray? and can't you remember, naughty packs? I han't seen Lord
Pembroke yet. He will be sorry to miss Dilly: I wonder you say nothing of
Dilly's being got to Ireland; if he be not there soon, I shall have some
certain odd thoughts: guess them if you can.
22. I dined in the City to-day with Dr. Freind, at one of my printers: I
inquired for Leigh, but could not find him: I have forgot what sort of apron
you want. I must rout among your letters, a needle in a bottle of hay. I
gave Sterne directions, but where to find him Lord knows. I have bespoken the
spectacles; got a set of Examiners, and five pamphlets, which I have either
written or contributed to, except the best, which is the vindication of the
Duke of Marlborough, and is entirely of the author of the Atalantis.[17] I
have settled Dingley's affair with Tooke, who has undertaken it, and
understands it. I have bespoken a Miscellany: what would you have me do
more? It cost me a shilling coming home; it rains terribly, and did so in the
morning. Lord Treasurer has had an ill day, in much pain. He writes and does
business in his chamber now he is ill: the man is bewitched: he desires to
see me, and I'll maul him, but he will not value it a rush. I am half weary
of them all. I often burst out into these thoughts, and will certainly steal
away as soon as I decently can. I have many friends, and many enemies; and
the last are more constant in their nature. I have no shuddering at all to
think of retiring to my old circumstances, if you can be easy; but I will
always live in Ireland as I did the last time; I will not hunt for dinners
there, nor converse with more than a very few.
23. Morning. This goes to-day, and shall be sealed by and by. Lord
Treasurer takes physic again to-day: I believe I shall dine with Lord
Dupplin. Mr. Tooke brought me a letter directed for me at Morphew's the
bookseller. I suppose, by the postage, it came from Ireland. It is a woman's
hand, and seems false spelt on purpose: it is in such sort of verse as
Harris's petition;[18] rallies me for writing merry things, and not upon
divinity; and is like the subject of the Archbishop's last letter, as I told
you. Can you guess whom it came from? It is not ill written; pray find it
out. There is a Latin verse at the end of it all rightly spelt; yet the
English, as I think, affectedly wrong in many places. My plaguing time is
coming. A young fellow brought me a letter from Judge Coote,[19] with
recommendation to be lieutenant of a man-of-war. He is the son of one
Echlin,[20] who was minister of Belfast before Tisdall, and I have got some
other new customers; but I shall trouble my friends as little as possible.
Saucy Stella used to jeer me for meddling with other folks' affairs; but now I
am punished for it.--Patrick has brought the candle, and I have no more room.
Farewell, etc. etc.
Here is a full and true account of Stella's new spelling:--[21]
Plaguely, Plaguily. Dineing, Dining.
Straingers, Strangers. Chais, Chase.
Waist, Wast. Houer, Hour.
Immagin, Imagine. A bout, About.
Intellegence, Intelligence. Merrit, Merit.
Aboundance, Abundance. Secreet, Secret.
Phamphlets, Pamphlets. Bussiness, Business.
Tell me truly, sirrah, how many of these are mistakes of the pen, and how many
are you to answer for as real ill spelling? There are but fourteen; I said
twenty by guess. You must not be angry, for I will have you spell right, let
the world go how it will. Though, after all, there is but a mistake of one
letter in any of these words. I allow you henceforth but six false spellings
in every letter you send me.
