Boyce left Wellingsford that afternoon, and for many months I
heard little about him. His astonishing avowal had once more
turned topsy-turvy my conception of his real nature. I had to
reconstruct the man, a very complicated task. I had to reconcile
in him all kinds of opposites--the lusty brute and the sentimental
lover; the physical coward and the baresark hero; the man with
hell in his soul and the debonair gentleman. After a vast deal of
pondering, I arrived not very much nearer a solution of the
problem. The fact remained, however, that I found myself in far
closer sympathy with him than ever before. After all that he had
said, I should have had a heart of stone if it had not been
stirred to profound pity. I had seen an instance both of his
spell-bound cowardice and of his almost degrading craft in
extrication. That in itself repelled me. But it lost its value in
the light that he had cast on the never-ceasing torment that
consumed him. At any rate he was at death-grips with himself,
strangling the devils of fear and dishonour with a hand
relentlessly certain. He appeared to me a tragic figure warring
against a doom.
At first I expected every day to receive an agonised message from
Mrs. Boyce announcing his death. Then, as is the way of humans,
the keenness of my apprehension grew blunted, until, at last, I
took his continued existence as a matter of course. I wrote him a
few friendly letters, to which he replied in the same strain. And
so the months went on.
Looking over my diary I find that these months were singularly
uneventful as far as the lives of those dealt with in this
chronicle were concerned. In the depths of our souls we felt the
long-drawn-out agony of the war, with its bitter humiliations, its
heartrending disappointments. In our daily meetings one with
another we cried aloud for a great voice to awaken the little folk
in Great Britain from their selfish lethargy--the little folk in
high office, in smug burgessdom, in seditious factory and
shipyard. They were months of sordid bargaining between all
sections of our national life, in the murk of which the glow of
patriotism seemed to be eclipsed. And in the meantime, the heroic
millions from all corners of our far-flung Empire were giving
their lives on land and sea, gaily and gallantly, too often in
tragic futility, for the ideals to which the damnable little folk
at home were blind. The little traitorous folk who gambled for
their own hands in politics, the little traitorous folk who put
the outworn shibboleths of a party before the war-cry of an
Empire, the little traitorous folk who strove with all their power
to starve our navy of ships, our ships of coal, our men in the
trenches of munitions, our armies of men, our country of honour--
all these will one day be mercilessly arraigned at the bar of
history. The plains of France, the steeps of Gallipoli, the swamps
of Mesopotamia, the Seven Seas will give up their dead as
witnesses.
We spoke bitterly of all these things and thought of them with
raging impotence; but the even tenor of our life went on. We
continued to do our obscure and undistinguished work for the
country. It became a habit, part of the day's routine. We almost
forgot why we were doing it. The war seemed to make little real
difference in our social life. The small town was pitch black at
night. Prices rose. Small economies were practised. Labour was
scarce. Fewer young men out of uniform were seen in the streets
and neighbouring roads and lanes. Groups of wounded from the
hospital in their uniform of deep blue jean with red ties and
khaki caps gave a note of actuality to the streets. Otherwise,
there were few signs of war. Even the troops who hitherto swarmed
about the town had gradually been removed from billets to a vast
camp of huts some miles away, and appeared only sporadically about
the place. I missed them and the stimulus of their presence. They
brought me into closer touch with things. Marigold, too, pined for
more occupation for his one critical eye than was afforded by the
local volunteers. He grew morose, sick of a surfeit of newspapers.
If he could have gone to France and got through to the firing-
line, I am sure he would have dug a little trench all to himself
and defied the Germans on his own account.
In November Colonel Dacre was brought home gravely wounded, to a
hospital for officers in London. A nurse gave me the news in a
letter in which she said that he had asked to see me before an
impending hazardous operation. I went up to town and found him
wrecked almost beyond recognition. As we were the merest of
acquaintances with nothing between us save our common link with
Boyce, I feared lest he should desire to tell me of some shameful
discovery. But his gay greeting and the brave smile, pathetically
grotesque through the bandages in which his head was wrapped,
reassured me. Only his eyes and mouth were visible.
"It's worth while being done in," said he. "It makes one feel like
a Sultan. You have just to clap your hands and say 'I want this,'
and you've got it. I've a good mind to say to this dear lady,
'Fetch their gracious Majesties from Buckingham Palace,' and I'm
sure they'd be here in a tick. It's awfully good of you to come,
Meredyth."
I signed to Marigold, who had carried me into the ward and set me
down on a chair, and to the Sister, the "dear lady" of Dacre's
reference, to withdraw, and after a few sympathetic words I asked
him why he had sent for me.
"I'm broken to bits all over," he replied. "The doctors here say
they never saw such a blooming mess-up of flesh pretending to be
alive. And as for talking, they'd just as soon expect speech from
a jellyfish squashed by a steam-roller. If I do get through, I'll
be a helpless crock all my days. I funked it till I thought of
you. I thought the sight of another fellow who has gone through it
and stuck it out might give me courage. I've had my wife here.
We're rather fond of one another, you know ... My God! what brave
things women are! If she had broken down all over me I could have
risen to the occasion. But she didn't, and I felt a cowardly
worm."
"I had a brave wife, too," said I, and for a few moments we talked
shyly about the women who had played sacred parts in our lives.
Whether he was comforted by what I said I don't know. Probably he
only listened politely. But I think he found comfort in a
sympathetic ear.
Presently he turned on to Boyce, the real motive of his summons.
He repented much that he had told and written to me. His long
defamation of the character of a brother-officer had lain on his
conscience. And lately he had, at last, met Boyce personally, and
his generous heart had gone out to the man's soldierly charm.
"I never felt such a slanderous brute in my life as when I shook
him by the hand. You know the feeling--how one wants to get behind
a hedge and kick oneself. Kick oneself," he repeated faintly. Then
he closed his eyes and his lips contracted in pain.
The Sister, who had been watching him from a distance, came up. He
had talked enough. It was time to go. But at the announcement he
opened his eyes again and with an effort recovered his gaiety.
"The whole gist of the matter lies in the postscript. Like a
woman's letter. I must have my postscript."
"Very well. Two more minutes."
"Merciless dragon," said he.
She smiled and left us.
"The dearest angel, bar one, in the world." said he. "What were we
talking about?"
"Colonel Boyce."
"Oh, yes. Forgive me. My head goes FUT now and then. It's idiotic
not to be able to control one's brain.... The point is this. I may
peg out. I know this operation they're going to perform is just
touch and go. I want to face things with a clear conscience. I've
convinced you, haven't I, that there wasn't a word of truth in
that South-African story? If ever it crops up you'll scotch it
like a venomous snake?"
The ethics of my answer I leave to the casuist. I am an old-
fashioned Church of England person. As I am so mentally
constituted that I am unable to believe cheerfully in nothing. I
believe in God and Jesus Christ, and accept the details of
doctrine as laid down in the Thirty-nine Articles. For liars I
have the Apocryphal condemnation. Yet I lied without the faintest
rippling qualm of conscience.
"My dear fellow," said I, stoutly, "there's not the remotest speck
of truth in it. You haven't a second's occasion to worry."
"That's all right," he said.
The Sister approached again. Instinctively I stretched out my
hand. He laughed.
"No good. You must take it as gripped. Goodbye, old chap."
I bade him good-bye and Marigold wheeled me away.
A few days afterwards they told me that this gay, gallant,
honourable, sensitive gentleman was dead. Although I had known him
so little, it seemed that I knew him very intimately, and I deeply
mourned his loss.
I think this episode was the most striking of what I may term
personal events during those autumn months.
Of Randall Holmes we continued to hear in the same mysterious
manner. His mother visited the firm of solicitors in London
through whom his correspondence passed. They pleaded ignorance of
his doings and professional secrecy as to the disclosure of his
whereabouts. In December he ceased writing altogether, and twice a
week Mrs. Holmes received a formal communication from the lawyers
to the effect that they had been instructed by her son to inform
her that he was in perfect health and sent her his affectionate
greetings. Such news of this kind as I received I gave to Betty,
who passed it on to Phyllis Gedge.
Of course my intimacy with my dear Betty continued unbroken. If
the unmarried Betty had a fault, it was a certain sweet
truculence, a pretty self-assertiveness which sometimes betrayed
intolerance of human foibles. Her widowhood had, in a subtle way,
softened these little angularities of her spiritual contour. And
bodily, the curves of her slim figure had become more rounded. She
was no longer the young Diana of a year ago. The change into the
gracious woman who had passed through the joy and the sorrow of
life was obvious even to me, to whom it had been all but
imperceptibly gradual. After a while she rarely spoke of her
husband. The name of Leonard Boyce was never mentioned between us.
With her as with me, the weeks ate up the uneventful days and the
months the uneventful weeks. In her humdrum life the falling away
of Mrs. Tufton loomed catastrophic.
For four months Mrs. Tufton shone splendid as the wife of the
British warrior. The Wellingsford Hospital rang with her praises
and glistened with her scrubbing brush. She was the Admirable
Crichton of the institution. What with men going off to the war
and women going off to make munitions, there were never-ending
temporary gaps in the staff. And there was never a gap that Mrs.
Tufton did not triumphantly fill. The pride of Betty, who had
wrought this reformation, was simply monstrous. If she had created
a real live angel, wings and all, out of the dust-bin, she could
not have boasted more arrogantly. Being a member of the Hospital
Committee, I must confess to a bemused share in the popular
enthusiasm. And was I not one of the original discoverers of Mrs.
Tufton? When Marigold, inspired doubtless by his wife, from time
to time suggested disparagement of the incomparable woman, I
rebuked him for an arrant scandal-monger. There had been a case or
two of drunkenness at the hospital. Wounded soldiers had returned
the worse for liquor, an almost unforgivable offence.... Not that
the poor fellows desired to get drunk. A couple of pints of ale or
a couple of glasses of whisky will set swimming the head of any
man who has not tasted alcohol for months. But to a man with a
septic wound or trench nephritis or smashed up skull, alcohol is
poison and poison is death, and so it is sternly forbidden to our
wounded soldiers. They cannot be served in public houses. Where,
then, did the hospital defaulters get their drink?
"If I was you, sir," said Marigold, "I'd keep an eye on that there
Mrs. Tufton."
I instantly annihilated him--or should have done so had his
expressionless face not been made of non-inflammable timber. He
said: "Very good, sir." But there was a damnably ironical and
insubordinate look in his one eye.
Gradually the lady lapsed from grace. She got up late and
complained of spasms. She left dustpan and brush on a patient's
bed. She wrongfully interfered with the cook, insisting, until she
was forcibly ejected from the kitchen, on throwing lettuces into
the Irish stew. Finally, one Sunday afternoon, a policeman
wandering through some waste ground, a deserted brickfield behind
Flowery End, came upon an unedifying spectacle. There were madam
and an elderly Irish soldier sprawling blissfully comatose with an
empty flask of gin and an empty bottle of whisky lying between
them. They were taken to the hospital and put to bed. The next
morning, the lady, being sober, was skummarily dismissed by the
matron. Late at night she rang and battered at the door,
clamouring for admittance, which was refused. Then she went away,
apparently composed herself to slumber in the roadway of the
pitch-black High Street, and was killed by a motor-car. And that,
bar the funeral, was the end of Mrs. Tufton.
From her bereaved husband, with whom I at once communicated, I
received the following reply:
"Dear Sir,
"Yours to hand announcing the accidental death of my wife, which I
need not say I deeply regret. You will be interested to hear that
I have been offered a commission in the Royal Fusiliers, which I
am now able to accept. In view of the same, any expense to which
you may be put to give my late wife honourable burial, I shall be
most ready to defray.
"With many thanks for your kindness in informing me of this
unfortunate circumstance,
"I am,
"Yours faithfully,
"JOHN P. TUFTON."
"I think he's a horrid, callous, cold-blooded fellow!" cried Betty
when I showed her this epistle.
"After all," said I, "she wasn't a model wife. If the fatal motor-
car hadn't come along, the probability is that she would have
received poor Tufton on his next leave with something even more
deadly than a poker. Now and again the Fates have brilliant
inspirations. This was one of them. Now, you see the virago-
clogged Tufton is a free man, able to accept a commission and
start a new life as an officer and a gentleman."
"I think you're perfectly odious. Odious and cynical," she
exclaimed wrathfully.
"I think," said I, "that a living warrior is better than a dead--
Disappointment."
"You don't understand," she stormed. "If I didn't love you, I
could rend you to pieces."
"It is because I do understand, my dear," said I, enjoying the
flashing beauty of her return to Artemisian attitudes, "that I
particularly characterised the dear lady as a disappointment."
"I think," she said, in dejected generalisation, "the working out
of the whole scheme of the universe is a disappointment."
"The High Originators of the scheme seem to bear it pretty
philosophically," I rejoined; "so why shouldn't we?"
"They're gods and we're human," said Betty.
"Precisely," said I. "And oughtn't it to be our ideal to
approximate to the divine attitude?"
Again Betty declared that I was odious. From her point of view--
No. That is an abuse of language. There are mental states in which
a woman has no point of view at all. She wanders over an ill-
defined circular area of vision. That is why, in such conditions,
you can never pin a woman down with a shaft of logic and compel
her surrender, as you can compel that of a mere man. We went on
arguing, and after a time I really did not know what I was arguing
about. I advanced and tried to support the theory that on the
whole the progress of humanity as represented by the British
Empire in general and the about-to-be Lieutenant Tufton in
particular, was advanced by the opportune demise of an
unfortunately balanced lady. From her point--or rather her
circular area of vision--perhaps my dear Betty was right in
declaring me odious. She hated to be reminded of the intolerable
goosiness of her swan. She longed for comforting, corroborative
evidence of essential swaniness for her own justification. In a
word, the poor dear girl was sore all over with mortification, and
wherever one touched her, no matter with how gentle a finger, one
hurt.
"I would have trusted that woman," she cried tragically, "with a
gold-mine or a distillery."
"We trusted her with something more valuable, my dear," said I.
"Our guileless faith in human nature. Anyhow we'll keep the faith
undamaged."
She smiled. "That's considerably less odious."
Nothing more could be said. We let the unfortunate subject rest in
peace for ever after.
These two episodes, the death of poor Reggie Dacre and the Tufton
catastrophe, are the only incidents in my diary that are worth
recording here. Christmas came and went and we entered on the new
year of 1916. It was only at a date in the middle of February, a
year since I had driven to Wellings Park to hear the tragic news
of Oswald Fenimore's death, that I find an important entry in my
diary.
